Mutiny of the Bounties
by k8ec
Summary: Daniel is feeling slightly uneasy at the unusual level of attention he is getting.
1. Chapter 1

_Genre:Humor/General_

_Rating:K+_

_Set: Seasons 1 & 2 _

_Spoilers: Children of the Gods, The Nox__, __Hathor, Within the Serpent's Grasp, Within the Serpent's Lair_

_Disclaimer:SG1 belongs to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow)._

A/N: This has been sitting around half finished on my computer for about 2 years now, and has existed longer as a rather persistent plot bunny! Initially it was just one page (the obvious one when you read it) but like a lot of things, it has grown somewhat with time! This is intended to be the first of a series of interconnected stand alones…

-#-#-#-#-#-

**Chapter 1:** Mr Popularity (_Mutiny_ = Defiance)

Absorbed as he was with the mission files from P4X 338 and the effects of a nagging headache, Daniel Jackson still managed to pick up on the strange atmosphere in the SGC this morning.

There was an unusual 'buzz' about the place – as if something exciting was in the offing, and whatever it was, somehow, someway, it appeared that he was involved.

Maybe this impression had something to do with the fact that in complete contrast to their usual indifference or sometimes outright hostility, even the Marines on base were giving him approving looks!

As he couldn't remember doing anything to cause this sudden change of opinion, he was beginning to find the attention somewhat unnerving. It had even managed to do what Jack thought impossible – distract him from 100% immersion in his work!

Frowning slightly at the not completely unfamiliar sensation of bewilderment he felt with regards to the military mindset and behaviour, Daniel dodged another friendly pat on the back from one of the Base SF's, giving a fleeting smile to the man as he made his way towards the Commissary.

It was downright spooky!

The same man had completely blanked him in the corridor just two days ago, and not for the first time either!

Eyes focused on the floor, he distractedly turned into the next corridor and walked straight into SG2 who had just returned from a mission.

"Way to go Dr. J!", Feretti called to him, slapping Daniel's arm on the way past, "Always knew you had it in you!"

Daniel stopped and turned towards the Major, frown deepening.

"What are you talking about, Lou?" he queried.

Lou Feretti raised his eyebrows in surprise, "You mean you haven't heard Doc?"

At the puzzled expression on the Archaeologist's face he laughed, shaking his head in disbelief;

"Then you must be the only one around here who hasn't!"

Still laughing to himself, he continued on his way towards the change rooms, leaving Daniel standing alone in the corridor, arms full of papers, looking after him.

Gathering his scattered thoughts to himself once more, Daniel headed into the Commissary with the intention of refilling his empty coffee mug before the briefing.

Even while engrossed in his thoughts he noted the cessation of conversations on his entry as people turned to stare, smile or otherwise acknowledge the young archaeologist far in excess of normal.

Self conscious at the level of attention, Daniel ducked his head as he made his way to the coffee machine, wondering if someone had stuck a funny note or label on his back this morning (_as they often had in High School_), without his knowledge. Short of making like a puppy chasing its tail there was nothing he could do about it and still maintain a certain degree of dignity!

He fidgeted as he waited in line behind Sgt. Siler, trying to think if things had been like this last night.

He'd been holed up in his office all night translating a fragile goa'uld papyrus SG 5 had discovered on one of Ra's abandoned worlds and had, as usual, lost complete track of the time. He remembered grabbing a chocolate bar from the dispenser in the Commissary around 2 am, and the few people he had met during that short break had been acting as they normally did – giving him either friendly nods or completely ignoring him.

So, obviously whatever had changed had happened this morning before 6am when he woke!

Ignoring the ever increasing pain of his headache, he tried to recollect if any of the other teams were due in early today, but came up blank. He hadn't heard any unscheduled activations in the short time he'd been asleep in his room, so something must have occurred in the hour he had been awake.

He looked up as Siler collected his coffee and turned to leave. On seeing Daniel, his face lit up, and he pounded a slap onto the bemused archaeologist's back. "Congratulations Dr Jackson!"

He snapped. He knew somewhere in the back of his mind that it probably wasn't a good idea, but these things always seemed to happen before he was sufficiently caffeinated!

"Could you _please_ tell me what the _hell_ is going on today!!," he loudly interjected into a sudden silence in the Commissary.

__#_#_#_

To an embarrassed Daniel, it seemed as if the words reverberated through the room with all the subtlety of an enraged System Lord.

_Oops!,_ he cringed, maybe he should have held onto that question a while longer.

"Relax, Daniel. Breathe in the coffee fumes and _relaaaax_!!," a cheerful voice said from the vicinity of his elbow. "Go to your Happy Place!"

"Go away, Jack, unless _you _can tell me what's going on", Daniel sniped as he turned back to the coffee machine to fill the oversized mug with his elixir of life.

"As a matter of fact Danny boy, I can!" said Jack, grabbing the reluctant scientist's elbow firmly. "Come on. Take a large sip of your favourite beverage – you'll probably need it!."

Obeying without question for once, Daniel took a gulp of the hot coffee, trying to still the unsettled feeling in both his head and his stomach as Jack dragged him towards the Commissary notice board, followed by the eyes of nearly everyone in the room.

The sounds of talking and sniggering that had resumed in the background whilst Daniel and Jack conversed abated once more, this time in anticipation.

"What am I supposed to be looking at Jack?" Daniel asked in a puzzled tone of voice.

"The Notice Board, Daniel," was the reply.

"I got that bit, Jack. Which _part_ of the Notice Board?"

"The part covered by the large, yellow piece of paper that has strange writing and your picture on the top right corner of it!!" Jack retorted.

Pushing his glasses further up his nose, Daniel stared at said paper, blinking owlishly while his brain engaged its automatic pilot to translate the alien text. He then took a huge gulp of coffee, swallowing audibly.

"Oh Crap! Oh crap,crap,crap,crap,crap!! _Jaaack_, tell me this is one of your jokes. _Pleeeease_!"

"Now Daniel, do you really think I am capable of coming up with something this complex in such a short period of time? You know the amount of effort I have to put into even my April Fool's Day contributions!"

At Daniel's suspicious look he added, "Sam's group has analysed the paper & contents and as far as they can determine, none of the components used are currently available on Earth."

"You know what it says, don't you?" Daniel queried.

"_Oh yes_, Daniel. I think it's fair to say that _everyone_ in the SGC knows what it says!" Jack replied in a smug tone of voice. "I think a copy of the translation had made the rounds of the entire base before we even woke up this morning!"

At Daniel's appalled expression, Jack relented a bit. "Relax Daniel. Think of it as a Badge of Honour, so to speak! Of all the SGC personnel who travel through the gate and stand against the Goa'uld, _you _are the first one, the _only_ one as far as we know, to get yourself on a 'Wanted' poster!!!"

Jack's words didn't seem to have penetrated Daniel's rather focused attention. He remained standing in front of the notice board as if in shock, coffee forgotten, muttering under his breath in multiple languages as he read the bulletin over again and again …

_Official Bounty Number: BHT:J 994-84329/G-2 _

**Wanted****:**ALIVE

**Subject:**Dr. Daniel Jackson

**Planet of Origin**:Earth **Race:** Tau'ri

**Occupation:** Linguist/Anthropologist. Member of Earth Exploration Team: SG-1.

**Age:** Approx. 30 Earth solar cycles

**Height:** Tall : Approx. 1.9 metres (earth units) or 1.3 times galactic mean height.

**Hair: **Light Brown **Eyes:**Blue **Build:** Slender

**Skin Colour: **Fair **Number of Limbs:** 4 **Designated Body Type: **Humanoid

**Distinguishing Features/Characteristics: **

*** **Subject wears ocular correction facilitators (see image).

* Subject is known to speak over 25 languages fluently, including some goa'uld dialects.

- When excited, is known to speak in a language unrecognisable to most sentient beings.

* Subject talks extremely fast and a vast amount of the time.

**Known Weapon Proficiencies: **Small caliber projectile weapon (Earth origin); Zat'nik'tel (goa'uld origin)

Subject has been known to use a goa'uld Staff Weapon with accuracy; Highly proficient with insults and sarcasm!.

**Wanted for:**Crimes against the Goa'uld System Lords and Goa'uld administered planetary systems, including:

Deciphering and decoding the Tau'ri Chappa'ai;

Attempted god killing (five **SIX** counts);

Resisting apprehension (numerous, **more** than numerous! );

Resisting legitimate intimate overtures from ones god;

Killing ones beloved husband;

Destruction of Goa'uld interplanetary vessels;

Destruction of Goa'uld property;

Inciting a rebellion and the overthrow of ones god;

Attempted kidnapping;

Unlawful bodily harm to ones Jaffa;

Refusal to die;

Refusal to stay dead;

Excessive use of large words;

Excessive use of sarcasm.

**Issued by: ** Goa'uld System Lord Apophis; Goa'uld Lord Klorel; Goa'uld Lord Hathor

**Bounty Offered:** Details available on application.

_Bounty Completed and Registered via HyperNet Data Link™ the instantaneous automated recording system_.

(Hyperspacial link not included).

**Note****: **The opinions and views expressed within the body of this document do not necessarily correspond with or reflect the views and opinions of the Galactic Bounty Hunters Guild and associated organizations.

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

Jack watched in amusement as Daniel spluttered in suppressed outrage at the notice.

"**??!#!!##!!** _Slender?...Build: Slender?? … _What am I, a teenager or something? I've got muscles, particularly after the workouts you and Teal'c have been forcing on me this past year! Makes me sound like some sort of wimp!..."

Ignoring Jack's snigger, he pointed indignantly at the 'Distinguishing Features' section, "And what do they mean by: _"When excited, is known to speak in a language unrecognisable to most sentient beings" _???? … Don't they speak perfectly good English, or Common, or Trade or whatever it is they call it _out there_??", he waved his arms around in a wide flapping motion, spraying his forgotten coffee on the ever growing crowd of people around the two of them.

" '_Killing ones _beloved_ husband, Inciting a rebellion, Excessive use of large words'… _what sort of ..of … of …_charges_ are these anyway? This, this – _THING _bears as much accurate information as a copy of _Budge_!!! Who writes these things anyway?? The galactic equivalent of the _Three Stooges … _???!"

Curbing his mirth, Jack attempted to get the somewhat upset archaeologist to calm down, "So, maybe rather than Badge of Honourwe'll have to think of it as a _Budge _of Honour! – You know, a slightly _inaccurate_ honour … or … something!" he trailed off.

At Daniel's glare he shrugged sheepishly and continued, "Look, forgetting all the inaccuracies and stuff, don't you feel just a _tiny_ bit proud that you managed to actually do all the things on the list _**and**_ severely piss off at least three big time Ghouls? … And all in just over a year of working at the SGC? … All the marines are green with envy. Next thing you know, you'll be their mascot! …Go on! Admit that you're at least a little bit pleased!!!"

A reluctant smile tugged at the corner of Daniel's mouth as Jack's words penetrated the red haze that had enveloped his brain.

"There! … See, I told you! Deep down even _you_ are slightly chuffed!"

"Chuffed, Jack?"

"What?!! … You're not the only one who likes to mix it up now and then! I can make with the vocabulary too!"

He threw an arm over Daniel's shoulders as he urged the younger man out of the Commissary and in the direction of the Briefing Room.

"You know, you are probably the _only _person in the world who, when confronted with a threat like this of _literally _Galactic proportions, doesn't panic, but just gets annoyed at the content and syntax of the document that contains it!", Jack said, shaking his head in disbelief. "I know experienced soldiers who would be worrying themselves sick over something like this!"

"You realize this may impact on how we conduct our missions, don't you Jack?" Daniel pointed out.

"Sure I do, Danny boy! That's part of what the General wants to cover in the briefing – how we are going to handle this. You didn't think we'd simply pull you off the team and leave you to cope with things on your own, did you?" Jack replied as they walked along the corridor.

"No, Jack," Daniel said as he smiled an acknowledgement in response to another congratulatory thump. "No, I think I realize you won't leave me on my own."

"Never, Danny … Never!"

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_


	2. Chapter 2

Mutiny of the Bounties… by _k8ec_

_Spoilers: Children of the Gods, The Nox__, __Hathor, Within the Serpent's Grasp, Within the Serpent's Lair_

_Disclaimer:SG1 belongs to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow)._

A/N: Takes place shortly after the events of Within the Serpent's Lair, and therefore, prior to the events of Chapter 1.

Italics/(brackets) – Goa'ulds

Non-Italics/[brackets] – Tok'ra

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 2:** **Goa'ulds Just Wanna have Fun** (_Mutiny_**, **_**n**_= Sedition)

_Somewhere in an obscure solar system, deep within the Milky Way Galaxy…_

Aldwin strode along the crystalline tunnels of the Tok'ra base towards the Council chambers, a deep frown upon his forehead. This latest information from Lantesh raised more questions than it answered. So engrossed in his own thoughts was he that he was startled when he found his forward motion impeded by an elderly woman.

"Aldwin! It is good to see you safely back! Did you retrieve the data crystal successfully?"

"Selmak/Saroosh," Aldwin bowed a greeting to the elder Tok'ra, "I arrived back one hour ago. I am on my way to the Council chambers, which I assume was your destination also. Do you mind if I wait and address your question through my report? I would rather not repeat this anywhere but there."

"Certainly! Your pardon for not considering the potentially sensitive nature of your information."

"It is not necessary to apologise, Selmak," Aldwin stated as they recommenced their walk towards the Council chambers, "It is just that I am uncertain myself as to what to make of it! It is perplexing in a number of ways!"

They completed their short journey without another word being spoken and were ushered directly into the Chamber. Selmak bowed and made her way to her seat whilst Aldwin bowed deeply to the assembled Councilors and awaited their permission to start.

"Greetings, Aldwin. I trust your mission was a successful one?" began Garshaw.

"It was, Garshaw. However it was also somewhat unusual in the information we managed to procure."

"How so?" Garshaw questioned. "Was not Lantesh's mission to collect information with regards the clandestine meeting between Hathor and several other goa'ulds at her current base? In what way is the information unusual? Do we believe Hathor has discovered Lantesh and is toying with him, feeding him false information?"

Aldwin uncharacteristically shuffled his feet in place as he tried to verbalise his thoughts. "No. I believe Lantesh's position to be safe among Hathor's slaves. It was the nature of the discussion that was perplexing. Perhaps I should first play the recording from the point at which I re-established contact with Lantesh/Martouf and let the data speak for itself. It will be easier to discuss if we have all heard it."

"Proceed, Aldwin," Per'sus said.

"I received a transmission from Lantesh on Hathor's _Claris_ base at the scheduled time which informed me that the other Goa'ulds had arrived", Aldwin began. "Only Hathor, Apophis and Klorel were in attendance. Amaunet did not arrive. Lantesh managed to also beam a copy of the document to me. I have copies here for you to follow."

"Put the recording on speaker," Per'sus directed…

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

_("Leave us!" came the imperious tones of the goa'uld queen to her Jaffa. "We are not to be disturbed, is it understood?")_

_("Yes my Lord.")_

/ The metallic thumping of the Jaffa receded into the background, and the sounds of movement could be heard as the goa'ulds present made themselves comfortable. /

_("Let us get down to business. You have the documents?")_

_("My Lord Apophis, as polite as ever we see! Yes, We have managed to obtain the necessary forms. We are … disappointed to see that our _aunt_ has not been able to attend. Pray, how is our dear Amaunet? We thought this plan would be especially appealing to her, seeing that she has been having such a … _difficult… _time controlling her current host.")_

"Do we know for certain who or from where Amaunet's current host was obtained?" Selmak enquired, as sounds of dissension are heard in the background.

"Nothing specific," admitted Garshaw. "We believe it to have been from one of Ra's former planets."

("… _a nuisance_. _He should have been dealt with from the outset. If my SON had acted more in keeping with the ways of a System Lord's son, rather than an Abydonian urchin..!")_

_("I don't recall you having it all your own way, __Father__, or else you would not have lost two Ha'taks to them so easily! And my host knows for a fact the abilities of both Daniel Jackson and O'Neill! They are not to be underestimated – as you are now aware!")_

_("Klorel, one hopes that you are not suggesting that four Tau'ri are capable of defeating the might of two Goa'uld lords? One would not wish to think that one's trust in one's cousin had been misplaced! If you are … unwilling … to join us in our endeavours, perhaps it would be better for you to wait in Lord Apophis's vessel until we are done, like a good little vassal!!")_

"Trouble in the Family?" RenAi inquired? "Seems to be," agreed Selmak.

("_Enough! Hathor, we did not come here to be insulted! If you wish for our input or assistance you would do well to remember your current somewhat precarious position in the Hierarchy! Show me what you have done so far, and we will give you our advice to use as you so wish!")_

_/ _Rustle of paper, disgruntled female mumbling is heard in the background_. /_

("_Shall one read it aloud?_")

("_Proceed! …_")

Official Bounty Number: BHT:J 994-84329/G-1

**Wanted****: **ALIVE

_(- Why would we want him alive? The boy is a pest – a nuisance! / - One would not appreciate nor permit any permanent damage to one's Beloved! / - Well __**MY**__ beloved would rather see her host's __**former**__ beloved dead! / - Not going to happen, Uncle!)_

**Subject:**Dr. Daniel Jackson

_(- Obnoxious, impertinent, stubborn creature__! __That he would DARE to speak in such a way to his god __**&**__ attempt to deny me my Queen!! I shall draw immense satisfaction from breaking him again, and again, and again… )_

["Who is this Daniel Jackson and how has he managed to get three Goa'uld Lords after his blood without our being aware of his existence?"]

["We have no information as yet on the individual in question, Garshaw. But it would appear that he was the partner of Amaunet's current host, so it may be possible to determine the information from our sources amongst Ra's former slaves, or from Lantesh," replied Selmak.]

----

**Planet of Origin**:Earth **Race:** Tau'ri

_(- Irresponsible, insolent animals! They refuse to behave in a manner appropriate for slaves! / - And they breed like flies!! / - They shall be punished! I shall crush their bodies into the soil of their world when __**I**__ am System Lord!… / - Hopefully not for several millennia if your recent performances are anything to go by! / - What are you insinuating, Cousin??./ - Why Klorel., One was not __**insinuating**__ anything!!! / … Enough!! Leave this__** discussion**__ for a later time & place!!!)_

["The Tau'ri?..." "I thought their gate still buried?" "Obviously not!"]

**Occupation:** Linguist/Anthropologist. Member of Earth Exploration Team: SG-1.

_(- The four of them must be destroyed! / - Agreed! / - Definitely!! They cannot be allowed to spread rebellion against our person a minute longer than it takes to capture them! )_

---

**Age:** Approx. 25 - 30 Earth cycles

_(- My host's memories suggest that Daniel Jackson is not as young as 25! He is definitely closer to 30 earth years than 25! / - He does not look it, and one so appreciates one's … __**playthings**__ …young! The training is sooo much easier that way!./ - It is unnecessary to have 2 ages! Bounty hunters are not known for their intelligence! Leave the age as 30 years! We are paying by the word here!...)_

["Young to have so many vicious enemies!" "Definitely!"]

**Height:** Tall : Approx. 1.9 metres (earth units) or 1.3 times galactic mean height.

_(- One has a preference for __**tall**__ men! / - Hah! You have a preference for any __**thing**__ of the male persuasion! / - A bit sensitive on that topic are we Klorel? / - Klorel, Hathor! Do I have to separate the two of you?)_

**Hair: **Light Brown

_(- with streaks of bright gold like the sun! One greatly wishes to run one's fingers through the soft, silky strands as One forces kisses upon the lush, red lips…!)_

_/ Sounds of more than one person gagging. /_

**Eyes:**Blue _(- Like the summer sky or a clear sea pool! Like polished stones of lapis lazuli. )_

["Are you sure it is not Hathor who has been influenced by Nishta, Aldwin?" "I did tell you this entire meeting was –_different_, Garshaw!"]

**Build:** Slender _(- What, Hathor? No sickly comments?...) /Sounds of low level grumbling/_

**Skin Colour: **Fair _(- If You insist, Klorel! … Soft, unblemished skin, kissed by the rays of the sun…/ - Oooohhh, I suddenly feel ill!) _

**Number of Limbs:** 4 _(- Do they really expect to search for sentient beings with any other number of limbs in this galaxy??)_

**Designated Body Type: **Humanoid _(- Grrrrrrrrrow!… So __**very **__humanoid!!! / - Are we __**done**__ yet…?)_

**Distinguishing Features/Characteristics: **

*** **Subject wears ocular correction facilitators (see image).

_(- Once he is our Beloved, he shall have no need for those primitive bits of silica and metal, and one shall be able to gaze unimpeded into his eyes as long as we desire! / - Father, I have a churning sensation in my host's stomach which requires me to beg off the rest of this… meeting! / - If I have to listen to this, YOU have to sit here also. Or do I have to confiscate your latest planet??!!)_

* Subject is known to speak over 25 languages fluently, including several goa'uld dialects.

_(- It should not be permitted that slaves read and write the language of the gods!! / - He is distressingly quick to learn such things / - When he becomes excited it is impossible to understand what he is saying. One needs a translator device to slow down his speech patterns! / - Agreed! I doubt any sentient being would understand! / - One shall add this point to this tedious form!)_

* Subject talks extremely fast and a vast amount of the time.

_(- Incontrovertible! / - It is as well that one does not desire him for his conversation!)_

["Is this true? Does this Daniel Jackson speak so many languages?" ]

["According to what Lantesh said, he heard Hathor ranting about it before the meeting, Selmak. Apparently, he not only speaks, but reads and writes at least that many, including several Goa'uld dialects, the Nox language, a smattering of the language of the Gate-builders and others!"]

["Would this Tau'ri would be amenable to becoming a host, do you think, Aldwin? We could use a gifted linguist among our ranks."]

["If his wife has been taken as Host to Amaunet, and if Hathor has had him in her grasp in the recent past, Per'sus, I doubt he will be inclined to view any such overture from us as anything but a threat!"]

["Unfortunately, I agree, Selmak. It would be unlikely in the extreme that he would want to host a Tok'ra in the foreseeable future."]

---

**Known Weapon Proficiencies: **Small caliber projectile weapon (Earth origin); Zat'nik'tel (goa'uld origin)

Subject has been known to use a goa'uld Staff Weapon with accuracy.

_(… and his tongue should be cut from his mouth for his insolence! A slave should be taught proper respect for its betters! I should have killed him on Chulak when I first had the chance. Had not that Shol'va released them…)_

**Wanted for:**Crimes against the Goa'uld System Lords and Goa'uld administered planetary systems, including:

Attempted god killing _(__five__, no - __**SIX**__ counts)_;

( - _Fool! You cannot kill a god! If you put that in there the slaves will think we can all be killed!…/ - It says __**attempted! **_)

Resisting apprehension (numerous); _(- on more than numerous occasions!/ - Tediously true! / - Are we done yet? )_

Resisting legitimate intimate overtures from ones god; _(- You mean he had the intelligence not to fall for you!/ - We wished to honour him by using his Code of Life for our offspring! He should have been pleased by our magnanimity!! )_

Killing ones beloved husband_; __(- before you got around to doing it yourself for Ra having imprisoned you in a sarcophagus in a god-forsaken part of Earth, wasn't it?? / - __**?!!#!!**__ - You shall pay for that you belly-crawling, second rate System Lord wanna-be!! / - You just can't handle the truth, you over dressed cow!); _

["Given Hathor's taste in clothing, I would have thought _"under-dressed cow"_ would have been more applicable." "I agree, Ren'Ai. Her taste in this regard is almost as bad as Anise's!"]

Destruction of goa'uld interplanetary vessels; _(- How many was it at last count, Klorel?/ - At least two Ha'tak from us and one from Ra, several of your Al'kesh, numerous cargo vessels. Honestly, who can tell how many other System Lords they have been terrorizing!)_

Destruction of Goa'uld property _(- ones sarcophagus, ones offspring…);_

Inciting a Riot; _(- When was that?/ - When He and O'Neill killed your __**Beloved**__ husband and Father, our brother Ra!! / - No. I was thinking that this was the one when I took this body as my host … on Chulak! / - So then the next point refers to our Husband's demise at the hands of O'Neill and Jackson?/ - In my opinion, Yes!)_

Inciting a rebellion and the overthrow of ones god;

Attempted kidnapping; _(- Really, Klorel? / - YES! He and the others tried to take me with them on our Ha'tak - when we were on our way to chastise the Tau'ri! / - Ahh. That time!)_

Unlawful bodily harm to ones Jaffa; _(- That is their function. To die for their god! Us!! One would not wish to deprive them of that honour! / - That may be so, niece, but it is … inconvenient… to have to find & train new ones!)_

Deciphering and decoding the Tau'ri Chappa'ai; _(-Should not this be the first on the list? After all, it is his greatest crime! / – What, that of daring to allow the Tau'ri access to OUR galaxy? / - Precisely! / - Well when you put it that way…!)_

["For someone so young, he does seem to have done much to annoy the Goa'uld in a short period of time!"]

["I thought the Tau'ri gate was destroyed, Selmak?"]

["No. It was buried in the sands after the rebellion. It must have been discovered again recently."]

[ "So, they have had no contact with the rest of the galaxy for several millennia, yet they have managed to make a serious enemy of the Goa'uld, plus do some serious damage to their numbers in, what, four years of activity?"]

Refusal to die; _(- __Don't you mean refusal to stay dead!! / – That too. Very well, add it on!__);_

Refusal to stay dead; _(- If not for those sickeningly pacifistic Nox he and the other Tau'ri would now be dead!!!)_

Excessive use of large words; _(- What's the matter Klorel? Daddy not buy you a Tau'ri/Goa'uld dictionary for your last Jubilee??? / - I never did like you, Hathor. You too often resemble the cow you took as your emblem! Large, slow, bovine, udders dragging in the dirt from overuse…!)_

/ Sounds of a scuffle, thuds, a scream or two, then two blasts from a Zat'nik'tel, followed by two thuds. SILENCE /

_(- Maybe now it will be possible for me to complete this interminable document before it is time for me to seek my next host! If you two cannot act like the senior Goa'ulds you are __**thought**__ to be, I shall remove myself from your presence and incarcerate you in to this pathetically inadequate abode for all eternity if necessary, until you learn that there is a time and place for this childish, slave like behaviour!!... Now where were we???)_

Excessive use of sarcasm. _(- Hmmm. I thought we covered that earlier in the document! Never mind. Leave it for now. Neither of you can think of anything else??? No answer? I'll take that as a No then! To finish…)_

**Issued by: ** Goa'uld System Lord Apophis; Goa'uld Lord Klorel; Goa'uld Lord Hathor

_(- Why are __**we**__ the last? We are the co-ruling spouse of the late, great Supreme System Lord Ra!! We should be first! / _

– _In your dreams, you overdressed Cow! / – Klorel! You are talking in a manner unbecoming a System Lord! You have been listening in to your host's memories of the Subject again, haven't you! / - And if I have? / - I'm going to have to ground you to your home planet again... this time for the next Millennium!! / - You wouldn't dare you antiquated excuse of a… / - You do realize that we are paying for this recording by the word, don't you? And that the cost includes any conversation picked up?? / - __**!!#!!#**__...)_

/ SILENCE /

**Bounty Offered:** Details available on application.

Bounty Completed and Registered via HyperNet Data Link™ the instantaneous automated recording system.

(Hyperspacial link not included).

**Note****: **The opinions and views expressed within the body of this document do not necessarily correspond with or reflect the views and opinions of the Galactic Bounty Hunters Guild and associated organizations.

_(… Now. What about the Bounties on the other three???)_

/ Groans. Lots of Groans /

_(- I think I will have to schedule another counseling session with Ptoth after we leave this place!)_

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

"Selmak, have you EVER heard of the Goa'uld using Bounty Hunters to capture an enemy?"

"Not for a long time, Garshaw. They are more likely to send an Ashrak after someone who was bothering them, as they have done for Jolinar. This is unusual!"

"Perhaps it would be useful for the Tok'ra to initiate contact with the Tau'ri, especially if they are now abroad in the galaxy. It would not do for our first encounter with them to be a battle because they have erroneously identified us with the Goa'uld!"

"Wisely said, Garshaw! I think it is time for us to make our presence known to them under our terms! See to it! Bring us a working plan for our next meeting. In the mean time, Aldwin, stay in touch with Lantesh. See if Hathor & Apophis have anything else on their agenda that was not evident from that meeting. If in such a short time the Tau'ri have the Goa'uld in such confusion, we will need to remain vigilant in case their actions put in peril some of our endeavours! If there are no further issues, I declare this extraordinary meeting of the Council closed!"

---

As the Council members moved out of the chambers, Aldwin stood still in front of the door, a perplexed look still evident on his serious face. Selmak moved to stand next to him, her aged lungs gasping for the air that was becoming more and more difficult to draw within.

"You look troubled, Aldwin. What has disturbed your legendary calm?" Saroosh asked, a mischievous smile on her face.

Aldwin once more looked up in surprise. "I have witnessed many Goa'uld meetings, treaties and encounters in my time, Saroosh. But that is the most … I don't even know how to describe it! The very fact that those three Goa'uld got together without killing each other within five seconds of meeting is extraordinary! Part of me thinks that this may be the turning point in our battle against the Goa'uld, and the other part asks what possible help could a group of inexperienced Tau'ri be?"

"Change, Aldwin. They signify change! After millennia of having things their own way most of the time, the System Lords have finally come upon a foe who won't just rollover and die because they tell them to! Whether that is because they don't know the Goa'uld well enough, or whether they just refuse to give in to anyone who tries to impose their view on them, it ultimately does not matter. It only takes one brick to fall from the wall to indicate instability. The Tau'ri have shown the System Lords that they are not invincible, and that shock will reverberate throughout their numbers for some time to come!"

Saroosh/Selmak smiled at her younger colleague, "Do not worry so much, Aldwin. We will continue to monitor the situation with the Tau'ri and make sure they do not inadvertently damage our efforts. Come, escort an old woman to her rooms. I have found an interesting beverage from the home world of Rosha, and have been looking for an excuse to try it. Join me in a cup?"

"With pleasure, Saroosh, with much pleasure!" Aldwin replied as they slowly made their way through the crystalline tunnels far beneath the surface of their arid planet.

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

8 07/18/2009


	3. Chapter 3

_Set: Season 2 _

A/N: Still getting the hang of posting chapters. Apologies in advance if I mess it up again!

This takes place approximately 4 months after the events in Chapter 1.

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 3:** _**To Hath or to Hold**_ (_Mutiny _= revolt)

"… _granulations in the subsoil are indicative of the presence of_…."

Uncharacteristically, Daniel Jackson lost the battle to listen to his teammate's findings from PX7 941, his mind several light years away from the familiar surrounds of the SGC Briefing room.

Even less in character was the fact that he was doodling cartoons in his notebook – Snoopy vs the Red Baron to be precise, he realized as he frowned down at his drawings. Ok. This was not good! Since when had he started channeling Jack to _this_ extent?

To make matters worse, Jack appeared to be paying attention to Sam for once, even to the point of asking some pertinent questions to clarify details in her report! When had they officially switched roles, and why hadn't he been informed of this fact before now?

Maybe they had interacted in some way with an alien device which only switched part of their psyche? He grimaced as he contemplated the stupidity of the previous thought. – As if!!

"… _kson? … Dr Jackson?..._"

"DANIEL!"

He jumped as Jack's raised voice penetrated his ruminations.

"Um…er… What?", he asked in his urbane, erudite fashion. _Ouch! _He was sooo caught!

"The General just asked if you had anything to add to the debriefing, since there weren't any rocks for you to study, but you seemed to get on with the locals like a house on fire!"

"They did seem awfully interested in you, Daniel. Did they give you any indication as to why that was?", Sam asked her co-scientist, puzzled at his obvious preoccupation.

"Sorry Sir. Um…Yes. They gave me an idea of what interested them. It shouldn't be a surprise, given what we already knew, but I suppose I had been hoping it would all have blown over by now – old news!"

"You are being most inscrutable, DanielJackson. Of what do you speak?"

"Yeah Daniel! How's about putting a subject into that jumble of words that just spurted from your mouth?", Jack asked with a grin, enjoying Daniel's discomfort for a change.

At the silence that followed Jack's remark, General Hammond prompted: "Dr Jackson, would you care to elaborate on your comment?"

Trying to get his thoughts into some coherent order, Daniel stammered, "Yes Sir. The …um… inhabitants of …um… P, P…um… Px7…"

"PX7 941" Sam helpfully supplied.

"Yes, there." Daniel grasped at the address like a drowning man at a life preserver. "They conduct trade with a number of neighbouring systems. They don't appear to have anything we don't already have access to in the way of goods or minerals, but they are keen on trading with us if they can find something we want. So if Sam's geological analyses can find evidence of naquada or another rare mineral, I'm sure they will be eager to come to an arrangement with us."

"As interesting as that may be, _Daniel_", Jack emphasized, "it doesn't actually answer the question you were asked. Why were they so interested in _you _in particular?"

Daniel squirmed in his seat. How was he going to put this in a way that wouldn't result in him being the butt of another of Jack's running jokes?

Head down, he mumbled, "_Theymayhaveseenthatwantedposteratsomestagerecently._"

Frowning slightly, the General asked, "Could you repeat that again more slowly, son."

Sighing deeply, Daniel lifted his head, stared straight at the General and prepared to face his doom.

"They may have seen that "Wanted" poster at some stage recently, Sir", he replied.

At the suppressed sniggers, he turned and glared at Jack and Sam.

"Whoa, Danny Jackson, galactic antihero! Even John Dillinger had nothing to you! I can see the movie trailer now:

_Mild-mannered young scientist with boyish good looks, falls on hard times, turns to the Dark Side, and with his inter-planetary harem in tow, armed with nothing more than his trusty pen, sets about destroying the evil establishment! _- And in the sequel, he can find out that his arch-enemy Apophis is actually his father!

… Ahh, yes! I can see it now: _**"**__**Indiana Jackson and the Serpent of Doom**__**"**_ - _An O'Neill Production_! Lucas and Spielberg had better watch out, this will take Sci-Fi adventure to a whole new level!"

"Not funny, Jack!" Daniel snarked.

"Ohh, but it is, Danny! It definitely is!!"

"Is not part of your plot from the second Star Wars movie, O'Neill?", Teal'c enquired solemnly.

"What? Oh yes, rats! Huh! Well never mind, I'm sure that between us we can come up with something…"

"Colonel O'Neill!... _If _you've finished!"

At the General's deepening frown, Jack thought he'd better return to the topic of conversation. "So! Did they want to _"turn you in_" to the Goa'uld, or did they just want your autograph on the poster?" Jack inquired in his usual tactful manner as Sam lost her fight not to giggle.

Scowling at his friend, Daniel replied, "No Jack. They did not want to "turn me in". They happen to like the Goa'uld as much as we do, so anything _they_ can do to thwart _them_, _they_ are in favour of."

"Ending the sentence on a preposition, Daniel? You must be flustered!' Jack teased.

"Any way," said Daniel, steadfastly ignoring O'Neill, "they gave me something to bring back with me. I was going to keep this to just SG1, but now I think Feretti and company may appreciate the finer points of _these_ documents as well!" Daniel replied, with an overly sweet smile on his face.

"After all, why should Ihave all the fun?" he asked, passing a folder containing a few sheets of paper over to the General as Jack eyed him suspiciously.

Raising an eyebrow in question, the general gathered the papers from SG1's archaeologist before proceeding to read over them.

Although no smile graced his face, the glance he shot at Daniel more than conveyed his own amusement at the contents of the documents he was perusing.

The longer the silence lasted, the more Jack squirmed in his seat. He didn't know exactly how, but he was sure that in some unknown or un-thought-of way, Daniel had managed to get one over him. Again. Boy did he hate that!!

"Well Dr Jackson, I find myself in full agreement with your earlier statement. In light of previous events, this should come as no surprise! Colonel O'Neill, I'll leave you to pass these on to the rest of SG1. I'll expect a plan from you on how to handle this latest development on my desk by 0900 tomorrow. SG1, dismissed."

With that the General headed back to his office, chuckling softly to himself. It did his heart proud to witness the camaraderie between the members of his flagship team. It was more than a small part of the reason behind their success against the Goa'uld and others. He had no doubt that they would as effectively deal with the latest incident as they had with the previous one.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This was originally part of Chapter 3, but it was waaay too long. Soooo …!

**Chapter 4: **Mine's bigger than Yours!

Jack viewed the folder in his hands with distinct trepidation. His antennae were beeping or buzzing, or whatever antennae do in these situations. This was sooo not good! Daniel was enjoying this turn of events way too much for it to be anything but bad!

"What's in the folder, Daniel?" he asked in a mild tone of voice, hoping for some indication before he actually had to respond.

Daniel casually closed his notebook and leaned back in his chair, long legs stretched fully out beneath the table, ubiquitous coffee mug in hand. "Oh I don't know, Jack, why don't you have a look!"

"Daniel? What's in the folder?" Sam seconded, her gaze traveling between the two in bewilderment.

"I think it would be better for you to read it for yourself, Sam – without having your judgment clouded by my opinions and such", Daniel replied with a sweet smile.

Inserting his pencil carefully beneath the cover, Jack very slowly opened the folder as if he expected a goa'uld to fly out at him.

Daniel resisted the urge to shout _BOO, _though it took all his self-control.

Jack had to make up for a lot of teasing.

The last four months had been … _trying …_ was the _mildest_ way of putting it! He'd been bombarded with lists of _"Daniel's Top Ten"_ which included pop songs by Bon Jovi and others (apparently there had even been a prize offered for the best compilation), gained a few new nick-names (mainly courtesy of Jack), had to endure the marines on base rubbing his head and tousling his hair before they left on a mission (– _for good luck_ they said), and even had to put up with comments from several sources along the lines of: _"If I offer Colonel O'Neill more money than the Goa'uld are offering, can I keep you instead?"_

He was seriously looking forward to getting a bit of his own back!

Having finally eased the folder open, Jack was now sitting perfectly still staring down at the contents with a look of horrified fascination on his face - which he vainly tried to remove once he noticed the interest it engendered in his teammates.

"Sir, are you alright?" Sam inquired, coming to look over the Colonel's shoulder.

"O'Neill, you appear to be a failure for words," Teal'c added, moving to Jack's other side.

"At a _Loss_ for words," Sam uttered distractedly as she tried to prevent her mirth from surfacing whilst still in the Colonel's proximity.

"Though the previous statement also applies," Daniel muttered from across the table.

"Oh Crap!" Jack stated as Sam lost her battle with her laughter. "Tell me you didn't really get this off-world!"

"Where else would I have picked it up, Jack?" Daniel asked innocently. "Like the other one, the materials are extraterrestrial in origin, so to quote you: suck it up!"

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" Jack queried.

"Ooohhh Yes!"

"I'm not going to be able to bury this am I?"

"Nope."

"Tell me you haven't circulated it."

"Sorry Jack, can't do! The minute the General returned to his office, Feretti was going to post it on the Notice Board." Glancing at his watch he continued, "All three should be up there by now".

"Three?"

"Daniel?"

"DanielJackson. Am I to assume that there are notices for all of SG1."

Daniel just grinned as the other three members of Sg1 removed all the documents from the folder and spread them on the table.

"And you were going to tell us about these…when, precisely?"

"As soon as the General had viewed them. Right about … _now_, in fact! I wanted to make absolutely sure that such _vital_ information came to his notice first."

"You've read them all, haven't you?"

"Yep. Can quote them verbatim if I have to!" was the smug reply.

Jack returned his gaze to the bulletin again, "Oh, Pleeeaassee! _**Fifty**_? They think I look _fifty_?!!?... Can't they see I'm a man in my _prime_ for crying out loud! And what's with this "_1.43 galactic mean height_"?"

"Well, Sir, It would be rather remarkable if they had a system of measurement that was the same as ours. I mean, there has to have been a divergence from the way the ancient Egyptians determined personal height after all this time!", Carter added helpfully, whilst Daniel sat back and watched her reading the Colonel's poster over his shoulder.

"How in the name of all that's holy could anyone even _claim_ to have an accurate measurement for a whole galaxy?!!

"I believe the value is not static, O'Neill. It is adjusted as contact is made with new or long isolated lifeforms. It has long been held to be a part of the goa'uld Thoth's hobbies to update the Goa'uld database with revised figures every 200 years or so. I believe the last update was made shortly before I joined the SGC."

"_Thoth? _There's a ghoul by the name of_ Thoth?? _What thoth of a nameith that for a would-be _Thysthem_ Lord?" Jack lisped.

"Thoth, also known as Techuti, Thaut, Thouti, Zhouti and Djehuti. He is credited with inventing astronomy, mathematics, medicine, botany and was said to have taught the Egyptians to read and write hieroglyphics - which he also invented," Daniel explained in a rush.

"He is also held to be the one to question the souls of the dead prior to weighing their hearts against the Feather of Maat".

Jack looked as though the major portion of Daniel's mini lecture had passed way over his head. "Let me get this straight. There's a ghoul called _Duty _who weighs hearts on a feather mat?"

"Indeed"

Despite shooting the Jaffa a look heavy with disbelief, Jack returned his gaze to the notice without further comment.

"Look Colonel!," Sam said "Apparently you keep talking even after you've been zatted! _And_ you can hold telepathic conversations with Daniel!," she concluded before bursting into giggles at the looks on both Jack's and Daniel's faces.

"_And_ you got an exclusive citation for "_Criticism of one's wardr__obe"" _Daniel pointed out. "I wonder who came up with that one? Really, it could be any of them!"

"I believe that would be Hathor, DanielJackson", Teal'c supplied helpfully.

"Ya Think!"

"This is my favourite, Jack – _"Subject wears black ocular correction facilitators which obviously impede brain function as well as sight!"_

"Hey! I resent that remark! I have it on good authority that those shades make me look seriously cool!" Jack exclaimed indignantly.

"For an old guy, Jack!"

"…' _Corrupting a First Prime / Refusal to be changed into ones first prime / Refusal to shut up …', _they can't be serious!"

"Sure they can, Jack! You never do shut up, especially around the goa'uld," Daniel helpfully supplied. "You should be thrilled that all your snake-baiting has paid off!"

Jack thought it was time to divert attention from himself – or die in the attempt!

"So, what's on yours T?" he asked the stoic Jaffa at his side.

"Nothing of note, O'Neill."

"Oh come on! There must be something there as 'interesting' as what's on mine. Gimme that!", Jack snatched up the notice from the table in front of the unmoving man.

Muttering under his breath, Jack read down the form: _"1.65 galactic mean…age approx. 95 years… _Whoa T-man! Who knew you were _**that**_ old!… _symbol of first prime… treason … dereliction of duty … god killing… _Aw, where's the fun in this? Where are all the good bits? – You know, the '_eats symbiotes when annoyed'_ or _'face will crack if forced to show emotion'_ bits? This reads like just another military court martial summary!"

Eyebrow raised _(denoting mild disapproval, Daniel thought)_ Teal'c replied in a stately fashion: "Indeed. I believe I brought it to your notice that there was nothing of substance upon the bounty form, O'Neill."

"Picture's pretty good though!", Jack returned with a grin as he viewed the early SG1 era, scowling, pouting, serious Teal'c in the photo – as opposed to the pouting … _serious_ Teal'c currently standing scowling in front of him! Go figure!

"Need to work on that smile more, T!"

"Indeed"

Sam was also frowning as she compared the papers in front of her.

"Mine's only half the size of yours or Daniel's, Sir! I don't even get the _'attempting to kill one's god'_ bit!!", Carter said in an aggrieved tone of voice. "It's like I don't count! Why am I singled out? I'm a fully fledged member of SG 1 – not just a token female! I helped incite the riot! I helped destroy the Ha'taks! Why can't I have a "Wanted" notice as detailed as the rest of you! It's just plain SEXIST!"

She flushed a bit as she looked up to see her three males colleagues staring at her in astonishment.

"Ahh, Carter? … What are you talking about? Are you telling me that you actually _**want**_to have a completely inaccurate, overblown, snake rant?"

"And, Um... _**Why**_??" asked Daniel, completely thrown Sam's rant.

"I'm positive that _!#?/1##!!_ Hathor is responsible! I mean, _look_ at the physical description and tell me that wasn't written by another female!"

Her teammates dutifully looked in more depth at Sam's notice:

_Official Bounty Number: BHT:__**C**__ 994-84330/G-1 _

**Wanted****:**Dead orALIVE

**Subject:**Samantha Carter

**Planet of Origin**:Earth **Race:** Tau'ri

**Occupation: **Military. **Rank: **Captain. Member of Earth Exploration Team: SG-1.

**Age:** Approx. 40 Earth solar cycles

**Height:** Medium: Approx. 1.7 metres (earth units) or 1 times galactic mean height.

**Hair: **Blonde (_coloured_)

**Eyes: **Blue

**Build:** Solid, Busty

**Skin Colour: **Fair

**Number of Limbs:** 4

**Designated Body Type: **Humanoid

**Distinguishing Features/Characteristics: **

* Subject is only able to speak using polysyllabic words.

- Has been known to induce sleep simultaneously in large groups of humans.

* Subject is rarely seen without some accompanying antiquated technology.

**Known Weapon Proficiencies: **Automatichigh caliber weapon (Earth origin); Hand knife; Zat'nik'tel (goa'uld origin). Expert at non-weapon combat.

**Wanted for:**Crimes against the Goa'uld System Lords and Goa'uld administered planetary systems, including:

Resisting apprehension (numerous counts!);

Destruction of Goa'uld property;

Unlawful bodily harm to ones Jaffa;

Jealousy towards ones god;

**Issued by: ** Goa'uld System Lord Apophis; Goa'uld Lord Klorel; Goa'uld Lord Hathor

"Looking good for 40, Carter!", Jack teased. "Honestly, you don't look a day over 35! And your build! …Well - What can I say?!!"

"_Nothing_ would be the wise choice, O'Neill", Teal'c added after viewing Sam's growing expression of outrage.

"I can see why you think it has to be Hathor, Sam!" Daniel said, stepping in quickly to head off an argument. "It does have the feel of a document written by a jealous female. I mean, I really can't see Apophis or Klorel even knowing about hair dye – not that I think _you_ use it, Sam! It's just more of a female thing to pick up on!"

"You think she sounds jealous?" Sam asked.

"Oh Yeah, Carter! That's one green snake you got there!"

"I believe it is her intention to undermine your confidence in your position as a member of SG1, CaptainCarter. By doing so, she hopes to break the ties between us and thus reduce our effectiveness."

"Even more than that, Sam, with her it's obviously personal. I mean, you and the other females on base managed to take her down despite the fact that she had all the males under the influence of her Nishta. She's bound to see you as a rival."

"You just out Queen Bee'd the Queen B…!", Jack added somewhat cryptically. "That's gotta be a blow to the old ego!"

Mollified, Sam decided it was time to get back to some serious work. "So, Colonel, what are we going to do about this? I mean, when it was just Daniel we could try to make sure he was never alone or unaccompanied while off-world, but with all four of us now wanted, how do we look out for Bounty Hunters as well as do our jobs? What do we do?"

"Do, Carter? We do what we've always done. We meet and make nice with the aliens. Daniel sweetens them up, you hit them with the science stuff and Teal'c and I look mean and intimidating. We watch everything doubly hard and high-tail it outta there if we see any sign of snakes or hunters! As Danny boy here said last time, if we allow them to force a change on the way we do business, then we've already handed them a partial victory. And I for one am against giving those snake-heads even one of our good old earth microbes, let alone us!"

Jack looked at his team one by one, seeing the nods of agreement from each of them.

"So, kids! What say we blow this cave for a nice juicy steak and leave the commissary food to Makepeace and his jarheads! I think we need to celebrate our continuing annoyance of the ghouls with something more substantial than meatloaf and blue jello."

"Sounds good, Jack!"

"I concur"

"Definitely Sir."

"Last one to the car park gets to pay for the first round", Jack added as he strode quickly from the Briefing room, leaving Teal'c to follow at a dignified pace, Sam scurrying to grab her notes, and Daniel frantically trying to collect the papers from the table and replace them in their folder.

"You know, one of these days we're going to turn the tables on the Colonel and make him pay for the whole meal plus drinks!" Sam grumbled to Daniel as they bumped into each other at the door.

"So! We gonna split the first round costs?", Daniel asked. "That way, we can both have a nice leisurely hot shower and let Jack cool his heels in the cold while _he _waits for _us_", he added with a sly smile on his face.

"You know," Sam said with an appreciative grin, "I really don't know why people think you are such a sweet and innocent young man when you are, in fact, just pure evil!"

"Yeah sure ya betcha!" Daniel said as they left the room.


	5. Chapter 5

_Set: Season 3 _

_Spoilers: Serpent's Song, Forever in a Day, Jolinar's Memories/The Devil you know, _

_Disclaimer:SG1 belongs to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow)._

A/N: _Sooo_ not what this chapter was going to be about!

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 5:**It'sJust the Thoth of You.

"Apophis! Good to see you again. You've missed our last few sessions!! I thought we had agreed that too long a gap was not good for your blood pressure? If it gets any higher you'll become warm blooded!! Have a rest under the sun lamp and get toasty while I refresh my memory".

Apophis squirmed as he lay on the well padded divan - under the fronds of a large date palm - listening to the piped river noises and bird calls (_ibis_ calls, he supposed – they were rather screechy!) playing in the background - as he waited for Thoth to commence their session.

It didn't escape his notice that the divan he was lying on was covered in black snake skin, and on a different occasion he would have taken Thoth to task about it, but he was too agitated at the moment to do more than hiss his annoyance at the implied insult.

His gaze fell on the gilt framed certificates and titles on the charcoal coloured walls:

_God of the Equilibrium _[There he goes, big mouthing himself again!]

_Judge of the Rekhekhui, the pacifier of the Gods, who Dwelleth in Unnu, the Great God in the Temple of Abtiti__. _ [??? And what precisely does _that _mean???]

_Judge of the Two Combatant Gods _ [Always bringing that up! There should not have _been_ any combat – _**I**_was right, Ra was wrong!]

_Lord of Divine Words _ [Ha! He's _almost_ as verbose as Daniel Jackson! I wonder, is there some kinship there?]

_Lord of Ma'at_

_Scribe of Ma'at in the Company of the Gods_

_Three Times Great, Great _ [What??? You have forgotten what comes after three and have to repeat yourself? How many 'fingers' and 'toes' _does_ an Ibis have, by the way??]

He sniffed derisively, "Who died and made you Arbiter-General? – No-one! - You mediated one little power struggle, and suddenly you are a counselor to System Lords and a power-broker for life!"

Apophis sighed and squirmed some more. He'd been associating with the Tau'ri so much he was starting to sound like them - even inside his head!

"So, Apep. Tell me what's been happening with you since we last met?" the lanky Goa'uld Lord said as he folded himself into the office chair adjacent to Apophis' head.

Apophis snarled, "You know I hate that name! Why do you persist in addressing me in that manner!"

"It is the name you were born with. What has been happening with you since our last meeting?"

"Do you have to sit where I can't see you, like some carrion bird surveying its next meal?"

_[__Feels threatened by things over which he has no control … expressions and body language indicative of extreme anxiety …],_Thoth wrote on his papyrus scroll.

Scowling and squirming anew at the continuing silence from his Therapist, Apophis attempted to get his thoughts in order.

"Well, let us see:

I lost two Ha'tak during an attack on the Tau'ri homeworld; My son performed well below my expectations on the above exercise and is currently missing; I lost my position amongst the System Lords and some of my holdings as a result of being challenged by Heru'ur; My consort's host was with child, and with the assistance of Daniel Jackson & the Shol'va Teal'c, has now hidden it somewhere neither I nor my enemies can find it; The Tau'ri turned me over to Sokar after I graciously offered to deal with them in exchange for a new host; My consort was murdered by Daniel Jackson and the Shol'va; I managed to kill and overthrow Sokar, but had my new holdings destroyed by Jackson, O'Neill and the Tok'ra; My face is damaged and will take some time to return to its previous glory… I think that will suffice for a start!", he snarled.

_[Evidence of a repression of the ego due to sequential episodic trauma, … extreme narcissism …]_

"Certainly much appears to have happened. Are you comfortable with yourself about all this? What do you feel when you think about ... oh … for instance, the loss of your wife?" Thoth asked in a calm, monotone voice.

Twisting a tassel on the cushion against which he was reclining, Apophis snapped: "Annoyed, angry. How do you _think_ I feel, you bird brain?! I want to capture Jackson and O'Neill and kill them very slowly, grinding their bones to powder whilst they still live; slowly bleeding them by slicing their major vessels slightly, but often; dismembering them whilst still alive…"

He continued in a softer, more menacing tone of voice, "Do you know there are over 200 bones in the human body? It could take quite a while to remove them one by one, and still keep the subject alive! …" He gave a sadistic, maniacal laugh as he contemplated his possible actions. "Yes. They shall pay for their lack of respect for their god!!!"

_[Ongoing development of psychopathic inclinations! … Extreme Sado-masochistic tendencies apparent … _

_**Note to self:**_Must_ write up sessions with '__**A**__' as case study for "Journal of the Psychology of Goa'uld-Human Id" - extraordinarily delicious number of casebook neuroses!!]_

"Technically speaking," Thoth interjected, "Wasn't _Ra_ their god?"

"Hah! _Ra_! My moronic brother couldn't hold on to Earth when the Tau'ri were no more advanced than some of the larger apes on their overcrowded little planet! My _sainted_ brother, of whom you were so _irrationally_ fond, had all the common sense of those exotic grubs you so love to munch on as snacks! He spent too much time under that sun he claimed to represent and too little time keeping a watchful eye on his subjects - he obviously fried his brain!"

"Apep! Don't you feel you are mature enough to finally see _some_ of your brother's good points?" Thoth enquired as he examined his fingernails carefully before returning his gaze to his oblivious client.

"What good points?! You and the others always did favour him! All that - _"Apep, why can't you be as clever as your big brother? Apep, see how well Ra did in the inaugural Goa'uld Olympic games - he beat Cronus and Ba'al for first place in the Human Throw and Dissectus! Apep, look how many star systems your brother collected this month! …" _It sickened me! - It _still_ sickens me! You even rigged the outcome of our combat so _he_ won! - And you try to call yourself the father of the gods!!"

_[__Persistent evidence of Sibling Rivalry … Paranoia …]_

"Now, now Apophis" Thoth began soothingly, "You know it is Zeus who _claims_ to be the father of the gods of Olympus - even if he is Cronus's son! And Ra _did_ win your combat fairly. I was not the only one to think so."

_[Note: Remember to get Seshat to organize another golf day with Zeus and Ares!]_

"Returning to the point of these sessions: _why_ do you think all of this has occurred within such a relatively short period of time?" he asked the increasingly restless goa'uld.

"Ra obviously must have triggered a Tau'ri curse during his last expansion and consolidation phase!", Apophis said in an agitated manner. "Look at the number of our brethren who have been adversely affected by these _slaves_ since he was overthrown on Abydos - Ra himself, Hathor, Cronus, Klorel, Seth, Nirrti, Heru'ur, Sokar, myself! It is inconceivable that this misfortune could be a mere coincidence!! Are you not aware of the odds against something of this nature happening spontaneously?? It has become so dire that I have taken to carrying a Mastadge foot around for good luck - and you know how those things smell after a while, not to mention how inconveniently large they are. I have had to assign a Jaffa specifically for the purpose of carrying it next to me at all times!!!"

Thoth rolled his eyes, "There is no such thing as a Tau'ri curse! It is a fabrication of goa'ulds with too much time on their host's hands and too little brain power left after frequent sarcophagus overdoses! It is pure coincidence! You should not fool yourself into believing such an obvious galactic myth. When did you become so superstitious?"

"It is the fault of that Shol'va Teal'c – my former First Prime - and the Tau'ri - Jackson, Carter and O'Neill!" Apophis continued as if his therapist had not spoken, "_They_ are the ones behind all our current problems! If the other System Lords had only listened to my suggestion that the Tau'ri homeworld be destroyed _before_ the Asgard stuck their noses (if they had noses) into our business, then the Galaxy would be completely under our control still and without the destabilizing effect of the interfering SG-1!"

_[__**Extreme**__ paranoia!! …]_

"Do you not think that attributing all your problems to a few members of an inferior species and one Jaffa could be seen as being somewhat unrealistic?" Thoth enquired, peering down his long beak-like nose at the former System Lord.

"No!! They are deliberately targeting my activities - all because that … that…_pseudo-adolescent_, pain-in-the-mikta, Jackson did not accept my right to possess the host of my consort! He _dared_ to claim her, just because he was married to her first! - Before she was claimed by her god!!"

_[Tau'ri fixation indicative of transference of own culpability???…_ _]_

"So, you believe that because he couldn't get his wife back, this Tau'ri killed her?"

"Yes! No! Not quite! - He _maliciously_ resisted letting Amaunet kill _him_! And then, when she finally got the upper hand and was about to succeed, the _Shol'va_ killed her to protect Jackson!! She had not even finished her agreed upon spawning cycle and now I am short a batch of new larva for my Jaffa!! And Jackson destroyed my previous batch!!!"

"I see. So, do you have plans to deal with this human?" Thoth asked, hiding a huge yawn behind his notes.

"Not yet. He is unnaturally slippery! Whenever my Jaffa have him cornered, he somehow manages to escape. - Even on Netu, when I had him in the palm of my hand, he deliberately provoked my First Prime into attacking him so to distract me from the fact that he had procured his communication device from my table!"

Apophis suddenly grabbed at the soft leather pouch attached to his gold belt and pulled out a crumpled piece of parchment.

"I have been updating the bounty Hathor and I put out on Jackson a few years ago. I have many more felonies to add, _and _several more of our brethren have asked to be included! He has annoyed more than just I since he killed Ra. Here, look at this…!!"

Thoth had to admit to more than just a slice of curiosity about the Tau'ri. In all his millennia of counseling, he had never come across such a drastic change in behaviour and attitude as the one he was witnessing in Apophis!

Apophis certainly had his share of neuroses and psychoses - which goa'uld didn't, after all - but he had always been reasonably stable for a System Lord. A bit of gratuitous planetary cleansing, some slavery on the side, but nothing like Anubis or Nirrti who thought nothing of eliminating whole planetary systems to satisfy a grudge against a rival.

Taking the parchment from his client, Thoth compared its contents to the bounty notice that had crossed his desk a year or two ago. He had only given that one passing notice, as one would any junk mail, keeping it only as an addition to his growing file on the current era people of Earth. What the System Lords did was no concern of his. He held himself above such petty, day to day trifles! But the one thing he had always had was an abundance of curiosity…

Moving to his camouflaged Compactus (set up to look like joined panels of an Egyptian screen depicting aspects of his life), Thoth moved straight to an ornately decorated box file and removed from it the previous bounty notice. Returning to his chair, he pushed a button in the armrest to release a small table which fitted over his lap.

As Apophis watched with interest, Thoth set the two notices side by side, and proceeded to give to them the attention he had not quite given to his client.

"Why is it that you are so concerned with this Tau'ri in particular?" he enquired.

"He is as a mosquito within your bedroom draperies," grumbled the former System Lord, tapping the couch in agitated emphasis. "Of itself a small, apparently minor bother _(thump)_, but in actuality, a nuisance of the order of a plague of locusts during a year of famine _(thump)_! He buzzes around and around you, preventing rest, distracting you from more satisfying indulgences _(thump),_ then when you least expect, you find yourself defending your person from a barrage of stings and bites! A persistent _(thump),_ annoying _(thump)_, noisy _(thump)_, obnoxious _(thump),_ know-it-all _(thump),_ who is too stubborn to know when he is dead!!" _(thump, THUMP, __**THUMP**__)._

The violence of the last blow was such that the gold Ankh on the wall above the couch fell off and struck Apophis hard on his gold brocade skull cap.

"See! Even now his curse is affecting my person!!" Apophis cried in indignation.

"Hmmm… I see you have elaborated on certain sections: _'Linguist, Archaeologist, Anthropologist, Diplomat'_, the boy does seem to wear a number of hats!"

"He is no boy! By human standards he is already more than a third of the way through his lifecycle - and should have finished it (prematurely) by now if he had the **decency** to remain dead whenever I've killed him!!!"

Thoth gave him a withering glance, "When you are over 5000 years old as am I, _anyone_ under 2,000 years is a child! And if he has not died yet, it is most likely that this Daniel Jackson has a role to fulfill of which we are as yet unaware!"

It was Apophis' turn to scoff; "Been indulging again in New Age, Tok'ra-style 'magic' opiates have we? What possible role of any significance could a single, ordinary, less than perfect Tau'ri slave have which would result in our inability to permanently kill him?"

"I do not know as yet, but I must admit to being very interested in finding out!" Thoth replied, continuing to work his way through the document.

"… _Occular correction facilitators_? - I believe they are known as lenses or glasses to most of the advanced humans of the galaxy" Thoth muttered, once again ignoring Apophis. " … _27 languages, - _impressive! That is even more than I know - and in a _much, much_ shorter time frame, too!! … _eidetic memory -_ a useful trait in his line of work … _Known associates:_ _SG-1, Tok'ra operatives, the Tollan, the Nox, the Asgard. - _fairly sophisticated company, … _Deciphering & Decoding the Chappa'ai_!?! - _**He**_is the Tau'ri who reactivated the Chappa'ai? I have heard tales about him from numerous sources!" said Thoth, sounding excited.

"He apparently did it without seeing the gate at all! Even postulated for stellar drift to allow the Tau'ri gate to access the galaxy!! He is the one who primarily negotiated the treaty between the Tok'ra and Earth, and assisted in the rescue of the Tollan from their devastated world. He is the only 'less advanced' human those uppity creatures have a good word for, according to my _Spacebook_ correspondence with Omoc of the Tollan. The Asgard prefer to deal almost exclusively with either he or O'Neill, and even the Nox thought he was not so "young" as the others - even if he is the youngest member of SG-1!!" Thoth gushed. "A truly unique and phenomenally gifted mind!!!"

A persistent banging noise coming from his left dragged Thoth reluctantly back from his musings to witness Apophis repeatedly banging his head against the hard backboard of the therapy couch, all the time moaning deeply, "I am truly cursed! I am truly cursed…!"

"Apep?" he asked, perplexed, "Is something wrong??"

"You ask me if there is something wrong?! I will tell you what is wrong! What is wrong is paying my therapist three standard bars of refined-grade Naquadah for each wasted session. What is _wrong_ is having to rehash my previous sessions over and over. What is WRONG is having my _Therapist_ then acting like a _Fanboy _of the _Galactic Criminal_ who has been _plaguing my life_ for the last three years!!! - THAT IS WHAT IS WRONG!!" screamed Apophis as he lurched from the couch to loom over the still seated counselor.

"And to make everything worse, it is YOUR FAULT that Jackson is the scourge upon our kind that he is! If you, Seshat and Nirrti had not indulged your curiosity in a little game of gene manipulation early in Ra's time on Earth, and if _You_ had not then compounded that mistake by teaching slaves how to read and write, we would not be in this mess today! I am of the opinion, given the trouble his curiosity has caused us, that if you look deep enough into Daniel Jackson's DNA you might find evidence of your gene-splicing exercise!! He is certainly sufficiently annoying to the rest of us to be a result of one of your games- As I said, _Your Fault_!!!!!!!!!"

Rather than looking put out by the yelled accusation, Thoth appeared intrigued. "Do you think so?" he asked with a hint of excitement evident, "Could the genes still be manifest after so many generations? … Maybe, if I could obtain a sample of his mitochondrial DNA and male chromosome, I could check his code against my archive copies!! - Imagine that! I wonder from which subject he is most likely to be descended??"

Looking up at his irate patient, Thoth smiled and asked, "Your bounty notice - when are you intending to submit it?"

Apophis stopped himself from tugging out another handful of his host's short hair to stare in surprise at the older Goa'uld. "Why? To what purpose do you want to put it?"

"I feel the need to append my name to the list of Goa'ulds interested in obtaining the Tau'ri scientist! I would like to avail myself of the opportunity to study him as a means of testing your hypothesis! If he is, what an amazing chance to ascertain whether nature or science is responsible for his singular talents!!"

At Apophis's look of astonishment he added, "Yes. Add me to your list of interested parties, and I will not charge you for today's session!"

"Done!" replied Apophis before he could change his mind. "I will let you know when the notice is formally posted galaxy-wide. Perhaps you should let me have the details of your _Spacebook_ account and I can keep you updated with its progress."

"Do that! Send me a star cluster with it - I need to build up my virtual holdings if I am to obtain hyper-drive for my ha'tak avatar!"

"Shall I reserve another session?"

"What about we just do lunch - say, one month after the bounty is posted. There's a nice little planet in one of Ra's old systems that I have taken under my protection. They serve a marvelous marinated bat wing stew."

"Sounds good. Until then, Thoth!"

"Farewell Apophis! Happy hunting!"

Thoth watched as Apophis left his rooms, pondering the feasibility of what he was thinking of doing.

He normally left petty grudges and retaliatory actions to his fellow goa'ulds and System Lords, submersing himself in intellectual endeavours which required patience and diligence. Despite the length of his life, he found he never had sufficient time to complete all the tasks and projects he had going, and the fees he charged for his counseling and advisory roles were just sufficient to cover his current research needs.

Now, however, he was thinking of joining Apophis and the others in their hunt for SG-1 - specifically for Daniel Jackson. He hadn't really considered the outcome of his much earlier research into human genetics, (even _his_ memory got a little hazy after five or so millennia) until, that is, Apophis uttered his throw-away lines about Jackson. Now he found himself considering the Tau'ri's talents against the goals he had set for his old pet project, and finding that the hypothesis was more than plausible!

Now all he had to do was to outbid the rest of the goa'uld on the list, or employ his own group of Bounty Hunters to try to snatch Jackson before the others got their hands on him!

He paced the length of his office, formulating a plan. Turning abruptly to his desk communicator he called; "Seshat. Get me in contact with Dorango on Melth'm. Tell him we have need of his services!"

He sat down at his desk. Yes. If he could pull this off, not only would he have a worthy subject for his research, but he would also manage to severely annoy all the other signatories to the Bounty - the imbecilic heathens! Fancy wanting to capture one of the most interesting minds in the galaxy only to torture him to death! "Yes", he thought to himself, "this whole exercise should prove to be sufficiently diverting to keep even me mentally challenged for years!"

He couldn't wait! …


	6. Chapter 6

_Set: Season 3 _

_Spoilers: Deadmans Switch, Pretence,__ Shades of Grey, 2010._

_Disclaimer:SG1 belongs to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow)._

A/N: Once again, this chapter is too long to post as is, so it has been broken down!

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**Chapter 6:** _A Hunting We Will go!_

_A not-so long, long time ago, in a galaxy reasonably close to home…_

_[… will be back after this placement break!]_

"Joshua! I told you to turn that Vid-Cast off and sit down at the table for supper like a civilized being!"

"Oh, but Mom, this is the final episode of _Bounty Hunters_ for this season! It's nearly finished, and I haven't heard the final _Top Ten Most Wanted_ yet!!"

"You know I don't approve of you watching so much trashy VC on a school night, particularly when it is one of those truly awful reality shows they keep foisting upon us!"

"Syreen, I think just this once we can let the boy finish the program before coming to eat. Besides, I think the _Top Ten_ is useful to us ranchers. One day one of them delinquents might turn up on Melth'm, and who knows what kinda trouble they could cause if they were left to roam about unchecked!!"

"Alright. Just this once! … But if you don't finish your food in double-quick time, it'll be the last time you ever get the privilege again, do you hear me?"

"Yes Mom."

_[… lots of movement in the last three lunar cycles, as the Goa'uld System Lords have been particularly active this season in their hunt for certain rebel forces and opponents.]_

"Good! It's so boring when it stays the same for cycles on end!"

_[… Number 10 is _**Fultan of Jebinna**_, wanted __**Dead**__ for 'Piracy with Excessive Homicide' throughout Sectors 3,6,7,and 8, resulting in the death of over 5,000 beings and the loss of ten ships, including two Derbarnian passenger vessels. Status to be confirmed from presentation of body, head, brain or heart. Bounty to be collected once Genetic confirmation is complete. At Number 9 is … ]_

"He's a nasty piece of horse faeces, that'un! I thought they'd captured him a few months ago?"

"Ay! The kill wasn't confirmed, though. The head they brought back belonged to another person entirely!"

"Shame, that!"

"Ay! I'm sure the actual victim felt bad about it too!!"

_[… _**'chello**_, who has been on our list for the longest consecutive period of time, and actually had a bounty against him prior to the establishment of a Guild on Melth'm. A nominal bounty is available for __**reliable proof**__ of his death after rumors arose suggesting he died several cycles ago on the Tau'ri homeworld after coming in contact with the miscreant at Number 8… ]_

"Well that's different! Do you think he died naturally? 'Cos he sure looks old enough to run for the _"Senior Sentient of the Galaxy''_ title - or are they sayin' that the Tau'ri killed him?"

"Shhh!"

_[… _**O'Neill**,_ of the insurrectionist group SG-1, who has fallen three places due to alternate Bounty activity initiated by several Goa'ulds. The Tau'ri military leader is wanted for anti-goa'uld activities, homicide, regicide and sheer annoyance factor. In addition, he is wanted by the Aschen for resisting benevolent takeovers and for potentially genocidal actions! - apparently he gave the Aschen the gate address for a planet caught in the grip of a black hole!!! He is an experienced covert operative, skilled with numerous weapons and in hand-to-hand combat, is considered to be _**extremely**_ dangerous and is not to be approached. He is wanted __**Dead or Alive**__…]_

"I'm not sure a group which fights the System Lords at their own game should be considered to be insurrectionists! I've spoken to a number of Traders who've run into the Tau'ri off-world, and though they seem rather soldier-like, they've all said the Tau'ri never threatened anyone or used any force 'less they was provoked - usually by Jaffa - and you all know how brutal _they_ can be! - Least ways, _they_ never tried to set themselves up as our lords or rulers!"

"But they do appear to be gaining notoriety rather quickly of late, Hymer. I can't help but feel that some of the goa'uld's complaints may be legitimate! That O'Neill person looks vicious!"

_[…__**huge**__ leap into the Top Ten for the first time is the youngest member of the SG-1 group, _**Daniel Jackson**_. Jackson's deceptively harmless appearance covers his burgeoning talent with both Tau'ri and goa'uld weaponry, as well as his ability to insinuate himself into the good graces of planetary populations - blending in as a local, due mainly to his ability to speak over twenty languages. His unique skills render him an ideal covert or intelligence operative - after a bit of remedial brainwashing - and his intelligence makes him highly dangerous. Unlike the rest of the Top Ten, Jackson is wanted __**Alive**__ only, with a number of goa'ulds stating that anyone killing the archaeologist will find _themselves_ with a bounty on _their _heads! He is wanted for anti-goa'uld activities, subversion, kidnapping, homicide, regicide and -_get this one folks- _refusal to __**stay**__ dead! - Who said the Goa'ulds had no sense of humor!?! He is also wanted by the Aschen for resisting benevolent takeovers and for culturally disruptive and invasive investigative research!!……… Maintaining his position at Number 5 for the sixth consecutive month is _**Manad Vorasht, **the Pelegog bomber responsible for the deaths of over 10,000 Pelegoveens in _… ]_

"Oh my! And such a good-looking boy he is too! He doesn't look capable of doing those things, though it wouldn't surprise me if he was the most vicious of the lot - the nice looking ones always are!!"

"Now, Syreen!"

"At the very least he's got to be a slippery character who gets himself and those around him into trouble - if the -_refusal to stay dead_ - bit has anything in truth!"

_[… Tok'ra operative has been lying low for the past year, and rumors circulating in intelligence and goa'uld slave circles suggest that an Ashrak set on her by Cronus and a few other System Lords may have caught up with her on the Tau'ri home world. …]_

"There! See, Hymer! Another one who 'conveniently' died whilst associating with the Tau'ri! I tell you - despite what your Trader friends might say - those Tau'ri are bad news!!"

_[… last of the Tau'ri group SG-1 in our Top Ten this cycle. A former First Prime of former Goa'uld System Lord, Apophis, _**Teal'c **_defected to the Tau'ri cause about three years back during the SG-1 incited riot/insurrection at an organised _Host Selection_ on Chulak, leaving behind his wife and young son. The Jaffa warrior has been a member of SG-1 since this time, and is primarily wanted for treason against his god. With the fourth member of SG-1 sitting just outside the Top Ten at No. 11, this makes the Tau'ri group the single most sought after group of insurrectionists in the galaxy since the Galactic Top Ten was established over two hundred solars ago!]_

"Tsk! Fancy leaving your family to fend for themselves while you join a group of terrorists! As I said - Troublemakers."

Syreen suddenly shuddered. "Feels like someone's walking on my grave!" she added when stared at by her family. "That usually means something's going to happen that I won't like!"

"More like you left the window open!"

"Shh! We're trying to hear the final two positions."

_[ At Number 2 is another of the Tok'ra with connections to the Tau'ri. Undercover agent __**Lantesh/Martouf i**__s the life partner of __**Jolinar**__, our No.4. Lantesh is a frequent associate of the Tau'ri and is wanted for sedition, inciting a riot, accessory to homicide and espionage… … …]_

"Why have they stopped, Dad? They haven't finished Lantesh's section yet."

_**[… … …**__**NEWS FLASH: **__… … …____Breaking news just to hand ... … …__The__Melth'm Guild of Bounty Hunters is at this moment in pursuit of one of the members of the __**Top Ten**__**Most Wanted**__! … Our man on Melth'm, MBC fashion/police reporter, Calvin Stein talks to Guild Chief Dorango Jones __**… …**__**…]**_

_["Dorango, what can you tell us about the current situation in Laroda?"]_

"Oh merciful heavens! He's _**here**_!"

_["Well, Calvin, earlier this evening we received information from a source in Laroda City that some members of the Tau'ri group SG-1 were in the area. We dispatched a posse from our headquarters in Wyattville and sent on ahead two of our Hovercam manned probes to evaluate and determine the likeliest location of the felon."]_

_["These 'Hovercams' are new equipment aren't they Dorango? What exactly is their purpose?"]_

_["They act as aerial evaluation units and have standard, ultraviolet and infrared night vision capabilities. We have adapted the units from existing Goa'uld technology and incorporated them into our manned hover vehicles. They have proven to be invaluable in keeping track of mobile targets, and with the addition of both stun and regular ballistic weaponry, have resulted in the apprehension of dangerous criminals without the loss of any local personnel. In fact, our kill rate has passed the 95 percentile mark!"]_

_["So how did you get hold of this Goa'uld technology?"]_

_["The Goa'uld lord, Thoth is one of the parties interested in the capture of today's felon. When he added his requirements to the original bounty he felt that the use of aerial surveillance would enhance the probability of taking Dr. Jackson _without _the use of lethal force. So he made available altered schematics which would allow the integration on the condition that if we caught Dr. Jackson, he would be the first person we approached for the recovery of our costs." ]_

_["So then, the subject of tonight's manhunt is none other than the Tau'ri archaeologist at No.6 on this month's list: Dr. Daniel Jackson?"]_

_["That's correct, Calvin."]_

"Oh Boy! I wonder if he's near by?"

"Joshua, come away from that window this instant!"

"Son, have a look at this! They've a split screen goin' with the full Bounty _**and **_live action."

"Wow! Way cool! I wonder if they'll find him? I hope he escapes!"

"Joshua!"

_[… dropped to 10 degrees below freezing point since the hunt commenced. Our source in Laroda City says that the Tau'ri was not dressed for prolonged exposure to sub-zero temperatures!] _

"If he's out in the open, he's gonna be easy to track - what with all that fresh snow 'round and such!"

"Wouldn't it be great if he came in this direction?! Our ranch might end up on VC!"

"Don't you go jinxing us! I just wish your sister was home from the McCoy's!"

_["… seeing?"]_

_["That structure you are seeing - the tall purple shapes on the screen - those are the ruins of the Elder Ones, about 2 leagues out of Laroda City. The dark green areas are trees and vegetation. Human or animal lifeforms will appear as light green shapes. The warmer the being, the lighter the shade of green. You can see the hunting horses and their riders to the left of screen - that's what our quarry will look like with the night vision operating."]_

_["My, your boys look mighty impressive there! The burgundy shirts and black pants work well together, and are those new emblems I spy on their hats?"]_

_["Ay, Calvin. We finally got our order of the new cold season fur lined hats in last week, and this is the first time we've had a chance to wear them. Can't let the good guys get cold while on official Guild business!"]_

_["So Dorango, have your boys located the Tau'ri yet?"]_

_["Not precisely. Dusty tells me that there are two sets of footprints all around the ruins, but as yet, there is no sign of anyone having left the area. Wait … I think the horses have picked up a scent further into the forest …Ay! Dr. Jackson appears to have located the secret passageway from the ruins which exits within the forest! He is now headed in a northerly direction, away from the city."]_

"Oh, Joshua, go get the carrot crisps! I love to watch those horses in action!"

"Thought you wanted the boy to eat his supper?"

"He can eat it later. The search horses are so adorable, and this is much more entertaining than dry statistics and _Reality VC_ hyperbole!"

"Getting' all sophisticated on me now, aint'cha?!"

"Just eat the crisps."

_["… fresh trail and are hot on it! Vid feed from the Hovercam indicates that Jackson is making random changes of direction, possibly in an attempt to lose his pursuers."]_

_["Ay, Calvin. He's not gonna make this easy for us! That boy's as slippery as any fox I've every chased!']_

_["Folks, we are just picking up feed of the felon from the Hovercams. You can clearly see some of his tracks in the fresh snow. Dorango, is there still sufficient light to get a standard view of the scene?"]_

_["Sure is! There - you should be able to make out Jackson making his way through the trees at the top of your screen."]_

_["The figure in the green combat fatigues?"]_

_[That's right!"]_

_["Not a very flattering outfit, and so inappropriate for this type of weather! The green does nothing for Jackson's skin tones, and makes it difficult to pick up on screen.- And the cut of that jacket…!!"]_

_["Don't suppose he was thinkin' he'd be on vid-cast when he got dressed this mornin', Calvin!]_

"Don't see what his clothes has to do with anythin'!"

"Shhhh! Here comes the posse! I can't believe how those horses can follow a scent whilst moving so fast!"

_["… aiming to herd him in our preferred direction. Dusty has some of the boys moving to flank the subject. Then they will use the horses to try to institute a Bump maneuver to force him into an available drift or trap, nudging him off his set path."]_

_["We don't normally see this type of maneuver performed. Why are we going to see it this time?"]_

_["Well, unlike most felons who are wanted dead _or_ alive, Dr. Jackson is wanted alive only, so we need to ensure non-lethal force is used - though the Bounty only says Alive - _**not** _unharmed!]_

_["So does this mean we can expect to see ballistic weaponry employed in the chase and capture?"]_

_["If it appears as if the subject of the hunt or members of the posse are in danger - even if only from hypothermia - then Ay! You will see the boys use force to subdue the felon!"]_

"I do love watching them surround and take down someone using the 'Bump'. The precision they use is incredible! How they can do that and not seriously hurt the subject or themselves, I don't know!!"

"Mom! That's Hubert's Drift he's headin' towards! He's only a short measure from our place...!"

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	7. Chapter 7

_Set: Season 3 _

_Spoilers: Deadman's Switch, __Shades of Grey _

_Disclaimer:The Looney Toons characters are the property of Warner Bros. Stargate & SG1 belongs to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so _

_wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow)._

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I can understand now why other authors ask for them! 

I am currently vainly attempting to thwart the efforts of my plot bunny's evil twin to change this story to

Angst/Drama against my will!!!

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**Chapter 7:** What's Up Doc?_!_

Daniel leaned against the pine tree, lungs heaving as he attempted to catch his breath. The chill of the early evening air seared his lungs, making breathing difficult. The urge to cough increased exponentially with the amount of time he spent in the ever deepening snow.

Despite three full years in Colorado, he was still to get used to cold conditions such as these, and he'd had to adapt his movement to compensate for the developing drifts in much the way he had to adjust his movement over the dunes of Abydos, only it was so much easier to sink into the snow than the sands!

"Jack always told me there'd be day_s _like this," he sighed to himself. "He forgot to warn me that I'd have _**whole years**_ of them, though!"

_Sooooo_ not the way he had planned on spending his day! Being chased by Bounty Hunters had not made it anywhere on his list of things to do - Jack was going to kill him for this - for taking off on his own, without waiting for backup. Though exactly how he would have managed that when his first warning of the impending situation was of Simon galloping furiously up to his position yelling: _"Bounty Hunters - run!!"_ in pidgin-Ancient, he wasn't sure!

He stared back in the direction he had come from, dropping the branch he had been pulling behind him in an attempt to disguise his passage, grimacing at the still very obvious disturbance of the fresh snow.

The most bizarre thing about this chase, he pondered, was the almost complete lack of any noise from the pursuers. No dogs, no taunts, no staff weapon blasts, no guns - though he supposed those might yet make an appearance. Nothing apart from the occasional electronic whirring from the miniature flying saucer thingy they had searching for him.

He kept expecting miniature ray guns to pop out and a strange, short, Martian-like character in a pseudo-Roman outfit to jump out, point a ray gun at him and demand to be taken to his leader!

Oh boy! The cold was obviously causing some serious damage to his brain's freezing neural pathways if he had started to call up images of somewhat obscure cartoon characters, whilst acting out the part of Daffy in the middle of duck season!

Peering around the trunk, he carefully checked behind him for evidence of his pursuers. The larger, manned, flying dinner plate (saucer was _waaay_ too understated!) couldn't maneuver through the forest, but the probe had no problem with the overhanging foliage. So far he had managed to stay out of direct vision of the thing, but after 30 minutes of running, (okay, shuffling really) the trees ahead were thinning out and signs of civilization were appearing - fences, power cables, smoke, the occasional glimpse of a gallows or two!

Okay, maybe that last bit wasn't true - _this_ lot were much more likely to have a '_Hangin' Tree'_ rather than a gallows - but why then did he feel like he was trapped in a seriously warped version of _"Rawhide meets the Looney Toons"??_

Pushing himself off the trunk, he changed course once again, heading in the direction of the smoke he had seen earlier. As he moved he felt rather than heard the passage of bullets past his ear. The hunters were getting their range sorted out.

A new sound could be heard above the others - horses blowing sharply through their nostrils. They were catching up. Daniel had been warned about the Melth'm search horses - hulking great creatures with their endurance, their persistence and their sense of smell as keen as a blood hound's. Just what he needed - huge monster horses after his blood! - As if the tracks he was leaving weren't bad enough! Who _were _these guys!

"And how could they tell that I _hate_ horses?" he thought to himself as he moved in the direction of the stream he had noted earlier in the day. Could he manage to throw the trackers off his scent long enough to double back to Laroda City or to find someplace to hide?

He stumbled on through the soft snow, shivering even more as the moisture seemed to seep into his very bones, his standard green jacket and vest not affording him much in the way of protection.

"Sam, can you read me? … Sam? … In case you can, I've got what seems to be the entire planet's quota of Bounty Hunters on my trail, and they appear to be trying to herd me off to the north west of Laroda City. I'm going to try to double back at some point and meet you there. I don't think I'll be able to keep in touch in case they can track our radio signal, so I'm requesting radio silence…" He broke off as a fit of coughing made talking impossible.

Regaining his breath he continued, "Don't come after me. There's no point you getting caught as well! I'll contact you when it's safe. Daniel out."

Pushing ahead, he hoped at least some of his message got through and that the others wouldn't try to find him and end up caught as well. Someone had to stay free to alert the SGC to the situation.

"Owww! Crap!!", Daniel gasped as he felt a sharp pain in his right arm, and he stumbled to his knees. The sound of a gunshot followed milliseconds later, alerting him to the nature of the injury. Looking down he could see the growing blood stain on his sleeve.

"Damn! So much for a bounty worth only _one week's rations_!" he thought to himself with grimace as Aris Boch came to mind. They seemed to be putting a lot more effort than was warranted into his capture.

Pulling a bandana from his vest pocket, he positioned it over the wound, tightening it somewhat awkwardly using his left hand and his teeth. It soaked through rapidly and he fumbled around looking for another before giving in and heading on, cradling his arm against his chest in an attempt to stop the blood dripping onto the snow.

He staggered on, literally falling into the stream he had been looking for, drenching himself, gashing his head, jarring his wounded arm and leaving him feeling light headed and as cold as a filleted cod in a deep freeze. Gasping through the cold and pain, he struggled back to his feet, and lurched along the pebbled stream bed.

"Think, Jackson, think!" he muttered to himself between chattering teeth. "What would Jack do if he were here?"

_#_#_#_

"I'm tellin' you T, when I get my hands on him he's gonna _wish_ the cold is all he feels!!" Jack grumbled as they jogged towards Sam's position. "You see this?" he said, pulling at a short lock of silver hair, "it used to be brown before I met him. Now that it's completely grey, he's determined to make me completely _**bald**_ too!!"

"It is not possible to be simultaneously both completely grey _and_ completely bald, O'Neill!" Teal'c countered, eyebrow elevated to indicate bemusement.

"I'm just sayin' …"

"_Sir? Do you read me? Over."_

"Go ahead, Carter."

"_I met up with Simon. He says Bounty Hunters from Wyattville tracked Daniel down to the site he was working on. Simon was able to give him a few minutes warning to get away, but they were still able to track him. He says the Hovercams can block radio signals within a certain range, which could be why Daniel didn't contact us."_

"I'm still gonna kill him when I find him! … Does Simon know which direction Daniel was headed wh …"

"_Sam, ……… read me? …"_

"Daniel? Where the hell are you?"

"… '_m? … In case …… the entire …'net's quota … bounty hun' … trying …herd …… 'th west … 'da City... try …back …… you there. … don't think … in touch …… track our … signal, … 'quest … radio silence…………"_

"Daniel can you read me…? Daniel!"

"… _Don't come … no point … caught … I'll contact … safe. Daniel out."_

"Daniel!!"

"_We've lost the signal, Colonel."_

"Ya _think_, Carter!?!"

"DanielJackson would appear to be somewhat incapacitated by his lack of appropriate apparel, O'Neill. It would be prudent to find him quickly before prolonged exposure to the elements renders his condition even more perilous!"

Jack sighed, "Love to, T, but somehow I don't think that'll be as easy as it sounds!" as he joined Sam at the forest outskirts.

"So, Carter, were you able to make out what Daniel said?"

"I'm not sure, Sir. I think he said the Bounty Hunters were herding him either north west or south west from here and that they may be able to track our radio frequency."

"He also told us not to follow him, O'Neill, and that he would contact us when it was safe."

Jack stared at them. "How could you have possibly made all that out from the jumble of noise that came out of the radio? Have you been taking lessons in 'static-babble' from Daniel?" he queried, fingers crooked in the air to indicate inverted commas.

"It was not necessary to learn this _static-babble_,O'Neill. The meaning was obvious."

"Oh Yeah! As obvious as the nose on Abraham Lincoln's face!"

At the confused looks on his _teammates_ faces, he asked, "What!?! My grandfather used to say that all the time!! … So. Carter! Forget to tell us about the extreme weather?"

"No Sir!" she replied indignantly. "The weather conditions for this time of the year _are _supposed to be milder than they are at the present, but the temperature is still above what we would consider to be extreme. The temperature scale used on Melth'm is close to the standard Celsius scale used in Europe. So although the local gauges may indicate a temperature below zero, in actual fact, the temperature is currently only about 28 degrees!"

"A fact I am _sure_ Daniel appreciates, seeing he is wearing a standard uniform rather than cold weather gear!"

Sighing and letting the matter rest without further comment he added, "And what does Simon have to say about the situation? Does he have any idea about where Daniel might be headed and how we can get him out of this mess?"

"He says that Daniel was aiming to eventually double back to Laroda if he managed to shake them…"

"Which seems unlikely given the type of technology they can access."

"Yes Sir. That's why Simon says Daniel was going to try to lay low in some outbuilding if he managed to get free of the posse."

"We're calling it a _posse_ now?"

"The Bounty Hunters are calling it a posse, O'Neill."

"Of _**course**_ they are! Could this day _get _any more twisted!" he sighed. "How much of a head start did Daniel have over that posse, Carter?"

"Simon says about a 10 minutes start; but Daniel doesn't have a good idea of the terrain, and the Hunters are working with the tracking horses, so he thinks they may catch up to him before he breaks out of the forest."

"Does he have any idea of any place we can safely meet up with him?"

"No, Sir. He says we should return to Laroda City and wait for Daniel there."

"Uh Uh. Not gonna happen!"

"Sir?" Sam enquired in a puzzled tone of voice.

"No can do, absolutely not, no, non, neit, nada, nix, ain't gonna do it!"

"May one ask why, O'Neill?"

"Not leavin' Daniel out here on his own to face down 20 armed men - even if they only intend to capture him. We have no idea where they will take him if they do catch him, or how soon he will be moved off world - 'cos believe me, they won't be keeping him here for long with the sort of Bounty they have out on him!"

At Sam and Teal'c's grave expressions he added, "Also … 'cos Simon didn't … _say_… so to speak!"

After a stunned pause, Carter responded, "Colonel, don't you think that given the circumstances that was a little …"

"I believe the word you are looking for is _insensitive_, Major Carter"

"Harsh much, Teal'c?"

"I do not believe so, O'Neill. Your levity at this moment only serves to increase the disquiet we are currently experiencing, rather than alleviating it!" Teal'c added with a disapproving frown. "In fact, your overall behavior towards DanielJackson of late has been highly questionable indeed."

"Uh hum! OK. _Soooo_ … Moving right along then, does Simon have any other really _useful_ pieces of information for us, _Major_?"

Wincing slightly at the tone of Jack's voice, Sam replied. "He did give this to me before leaving to try to obtain additional information, Sir. It's a portable VC - their version of TV. Apparently the local channel is doing a live broadcast of the chase."

She handed over a small 'Netbook' sized device.

Jack turned the small screen over and around in his hands several times, looking for the On switch before Sam reached over and pressed her thumb over a coloured square at the bottom of the frame.

"Cool. So how come we can receive a picture from this thing when we can't get a radio signal?"

"I'm not certain, Sir, but it probably has to do with the transmission wavelength of the vidcast being completely different to that of the operational frequency of the radios, and thereby not being blocked by the HoverCam scrambler. Though it's more than possible that if the HoverCams are capable of targeting radio signals, they may also be capable of selectively targeting a wider range of other usable frequencies."

"_And_, so, therefore …?"

"Sir, they probably don't _want_ to block the vidcast as it serves a number of purposes - it gains the Guild exposure and gains ratings for the broadcast channel, plus it may cause a member of the viewing audience to come forward with information on Daniel's whereabouts."

"Indeed"

"_Sooooo_ not what I wanted to hear! So you're telling me that not only are we up against the Bounty Hunters Guild - a _galactic_ organisation, I might add - but we are up against the local population as well?"

"It would appear so, O'Neill."

Heaving a sigh, Jack made up his mind. "So what's showing here on ESPN, Carter?"

"It seems like a reality show, Sir - sort of like those Police car chases you see late at night."

"Sweet! So what vehicles are the locals using? Cars, jet propelled sleds, some sort of nifty ski doohickeys?"

"Horses, Sir."

"_**Horses**_, Carter?"

"You will remember from our meeting with the Town Council, O'Neill, that horses are the preferred mode of transportation for the local law enforcement officials."

"Yes, Sir. The type of terrain and the weather on Melth'm is such that horses are more maneuverable and much cheaper to use than any high-tech vehicles they have access to or could pick up in trade. They have also done extensive breeding programs on this world to select for horses suitable to a variety of conditions and jobs which would be carried out by other animals on Earth."

"They appear to be particularly proud of their domesticated tracking equines. It would seem these creatures are capable of detecting one specific scent of many from a phenomenal distance, even in wet or cold conditions."

"Yeah, about that. What's with the whole _'Wild West'_ thing they have goin' here? I thought the snakes weren't taking people from Earth any time in the past 700 hundred years or so?"

"DanielJackson, explained it as being a case of _'Convergent Evolution',_ O'Neill."

"And we don't know if the Goa'uld had anything to do with the establishment of a colony on this world, Sir. From what we've seen of their records, Daniel thought they may have been an Asgard protected planet at some point."

"_Riiiight_. Of course … !", the perplexed Colonel responded.

"O'Neill. If, as I suspect, the Bounty Hunters have been utilizing the proficiency of the tracking equines, Daniel Jackson is in even more peril than I previously supposed. We should expedite the formulation of a plan of action."

"Not that I _want_ to rain on your parade or anything but - just _how much_ of a head start do the hunters have on us?"

"I believe that will not be an issue for too long, O'Neill", Teal'c said whilst gazing in the direction of the town.

Turning sharply, Jack could see a flurry of snow heading swiftly towards them. "What the…?"

"It's Simon, Sir", Carter clarified for him as the Melth'm native bought himself and the four horses with him to the equivalent of a screeching halt.

"Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter, Teal'c. The Laroda City council members wish me to offer you the use of these steeds in your search for your missing teammate. They do not approve of the actions of the Bounty Hunters Guild and those who employ them and wish to render assistance in whichever way they may. I also have cold weather coats for your use."

Blinking in bemusement at the torrent of words issuing from the normally quiet young man, Jack opened his mouth to reply when Simon continued.

"The vidcast said Daniel was being herded in the direction of Hubert's Drift, about three leagues north from here. If we wish to intercept them and prevent his capture we must move soon."

"Sir? I think you'll want to see this!" Carter interrupted.

_["… enough to seat five or six. Silus has the controls … say Hi Silus!...Jonno, the nav … and here to oversee the commissioning of the new hover unit is Lord Thoth's personal assistant and technical advisor, Seshat…"]_

"Oh that's just great! Now there's a Goa'uld involved as well?" Jack complained, staring at the slim, attractive female in the tight brown leathers riding shotgun in the vehicle.

_["… seems to indicate that the subject was hit twice, possibly in the arm and the shoulder, by both the probe's ballistic weaponry and by a tranquiliser dart fired by one of the guild hunters. The blood trail is sparse but still trackable, and suggests that Jackson is headed in the direction of Wyatt's Brook".] _

_["That's quite a ways, Dorango! Will he be able to make it in his condition?"]_

"Oh for cryin' out loud! What is it about Daniel that he always ends up in these Snake-induced life and death situations?"

Sighing heavily he added, " Well, _Simon says _we should hurry, and who am I to dispute that. He _is_ the local expert. Mount up, kids - we're off to catch us a Daniel!"

_#_#_#_

_Leagues: Antiquated unit of measure approximately equal to 5 km or 3 miles._

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_


	8. Chapter 8

_Set: Season 3 _

_Spoilers: Deadman's Switch, Legacy, The Devil You Know, Shades of Grey_

_Disclaimer:The Looney Toons characters are the property of Warner Bros. Stargate & SG1 belongs to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so __wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow). _

A/N: Did I say this section was gonna be in _**2** parts_ …? : )

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 8:** _**Shhh! We're hunting Wabbits!**_

"**Fools!** You have lost him! How could you lose one _**wounded**_ Tau'ri _**scholar**_ when using the most _sophisticated equipment_ available on this antiquated _**backwater **_you call a planet? … Push the button for the long range scanner and set for infrared…Now, focus the probe on the section of forest in which you lost him. Pan to the left … _There!_ … There's a faint heat trace in quadrant three. Looks like a recent footprint or such. Mark that position, then pan slowly left and right. Get those idiots on the ground to set the horses in that direction!!"

Seshat ran an agitated hand through her host's auburn hair as she watched the HoverCam's navigator fiddle with the control panel. If it wasn't for the fact that she needed their local knowledge she would have ditched the incompetent yokels after the first ten minutes of the chase. It was obvious that they had never before tried to capture someone trained in stealth techniques - the Tau'ri was running them ragged, despite being wounded!

She should have brought along a troop of her Jaffa to _really_ show the locals how tracking is done, never mind how undiplomatic that would have been. She was a Goa'uld; not some obsequious, easy to please Tok'ra!!

She sighed as she watched the posse traipsing over the fresh tracks visible near the banks of the stream. If not for the horses they wouldn't stand a chance.

"Dusty, you got anything?"

"_Nope! Not yet, Dorango. Looks like he's headed downstream in the direction__of Laroda City. The horses are trying to pick up his scent along the banks in that direction."_

Dorango turned to Seshat, "How far ahead can the HoverCam detect a heat source in this weather?" he asked.

Seshat thought about it a while, calculating the effect the cold would have on a human body.

"That would depend on whether he is sticking to the stream bed, whether he has immersed himself in the water first, and how long it has been since he was in the vicinity. Given a planetary ambient temperature of minus 10 degrees, and the effects from a partial immersion, I'd say these sensors should be able to detect a human sized heat source at up to 1000 galactic standard units - 0.2 of your leagues, further if he is basically dry."

Dorango thought intently for a moment. "What do you think? Has he backtracked or is he trying to fool us once more?"

'_Interesting'_, Seshat thought. '_This one is not automatically assuming the human is heading back into the town.' _

"I think he will attempt to fool you once more."

"That's what my instinct is telling me also," Dorango confirmed.

"You really think Dr Jackson won't be heading back to town, Dorango?" the annoying nasal voice of the reporter prodded.

Sighing deeply before turning to the reporter with a huge fake smile, Dorango replied, "That's right, Calvin. My feeling is that Dr Jackson will try to trick us into believing he has doubled back, when he actually intends to keep heading away from Laroda City."

Seshat smirked. At least she wasn't the only one in this confined space who found the man's voice and continuous questions irritating, even if she _was_ the only one who had to put up with the runt hitting on her every ten minutes or so when the VC station went for a sponsor-break!

Checking that Calvin was as far out of earshot as was possible, mumbling annoyingly into the microphone, she turned back to the Bounty Hunter; "It would be prudent to check the area along the stream bed north of the posse's current position. The effect of that second shot should be evident by now."

"The tranquilliser, you mean?"

"Yes."

"Silus, track the brook northwards - and keep the infrared scanner set on maximum. I don't want him giving us the slip again."

"_Boss, the horses picked up a bit of a scent south of where we're at. Looks like a kerchief or somethin'." _

"OK Dusty, track the brook towards Laroda for half a league, then if you find no further trace of him, head back north and join us. Wait! Send half your horses north now with Tom. Let's see if we can find us a track hereaways."

Seshat checked the image on the screen before her.

"Sensors are indicating four additional heat sources to the south of our current position, heading in this direction. It looks like riders."

Calvin stuck his nose into the space between Seshat and Dorango, thrusting a microphone into the Hunter's face. "Would that be the rest of SG-1?"

"Ay, possibly," Dorango admitted.

"So, do you think you will be able to catch all four of them today?"

"For the moment we will be concentrating on capturing Dr Jackson. Once we have _him_ in custody and have satisfied our obligations to Lord Thoth, then we can think about catching or killing the remaining insurrectionists."

Seshat smiled to herself. '_Yes. Make __**sure**__ you do that, Dorango Jones,' _she thought, '_because I am not leaving this miserable planet without the Tau'ri archaeologist. And if you or your men are responsible for his loss after all the months I have taken to set up this little ambush, I will be utilizing a few of the more __**customised **__abilities of this craft to make sure they never make such a mistake again!'_

Personally, she was just hoping Calvin did something _really stupid_ before the day was over!

_#_#_#_

The third time he stumbled to his knees in the cold water of the stream, Daniel resigned himself to the inevitable. He was going to have to find a place to lay low before he collapsed and didn't get up again.

He'd been doing alright until he was hit in the back by what looked to be a large cross-bow bolt, and at first he'd thought the extra weakness he felt was due to blood loss and fatigue. Now he believed the bolt had been coated with a drug or tranquilliser of some kind. Not only was he weak, he was also increasingly having trouble concentrating on what he was doing.

… And the hallucinations had started about five minutes ago.

He'd seen some outbuildings not too far away - before he had backtracked to set up his hastily arranged diversion for the hunters, that is. Hopefully the bloodied bandana he had weighted and thrown against a tree on the far bank of the stream would keep the riders occupied long enough to allow him to cover his tracks.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed himself shakily to his feet and splashed onwards.

"_Shhhh! Be wery, wery qwiet! We're hunting Daniels!!"_

"_Neeh! It's Jack season."_

"_Daniel stheathon!"_

"_Jack season"_

"_Daniel stheathon!"_

"_Daniel season"_

"_Jack stheathon!"_

_**BOOM!!**_

"_Oooh! … You're desthpicable!!"" _

Daniel shook his head. _"I thought __**I**__ was supposed to be Daffy?"_ he thought. _"I'm not supposed to want to be hunting myself! … Am I?"_

He looked around him for signs of the barn he had seen earlier. With his eyesight blurring, he was lucky to be able to see ten feet in front of himself, let alone something off in the distance, between the trees. He could be anywhere for all he knew.

"_Eh Doc? You shoulda turned left at Albuquerque!"_

Sure! It was only several hundred light years to the south of here! Let's head back in _that_ direction!!

Get a grip, Daniel, he told himself. The way you're going, Jack will have you back in Mental Health before your can say Ma'chello! And _this_ time it's doubtful he'll want you back!

He thought that the fuzzy-headedness he was experiencing was most reminiscent of their stay in the prison at Netu. That _Blood of Sokar_ stuff made for powerful hallucinations, just not of the _psychotic_ kind he seemed to be having currently. **That** was pure Ma'chello.

"But, _without_ the reassurance of foreign technology burrowing in my brain", he added sarcastically.

"_But Doc," _said Bugs, batting long lashes at him seductively, _"wouldn't you miss sweet lil ol' me if I was gone?"_

"Nope! Not the slightest!" Daniel said out loud, shocking himself at the sudden noise.

Crap! Now he was talking back to his delusions! He could feel the padded cell looming ever closer.

There! … Smoke above the trees.

Now, how to get there without giving away his path once he left the water?

"_Doc? There's a gravel path that leads from the stream up to the gate. Not much snow on it either!"_

Okay, so how do I cover my scent once I'm on it?

"_Ya got a banana in ya vest pocket, ain'tcha Doc? So why don'cha tie it to a tree branch and draw it along behind ya? Squashed bananas can mask anything! - Either that or you could share my burrow!"_

_Huh! Why didn't I think of that? - The banana, not the burrow. Though I don't know if the smell would be strong enough to disguise the scent from the horses. Still it wouldn't hurt to try!_

Daniel gazed around for a suitable fallen branch, finally picking up one from a nearby pine. Piercing the banana securely with one of the lower twigs and tying the banana with his last bandana (he chuckled to himself at that one), he stepped along the path to the farm, drawing the branch over his footprints as he went.

It wasn't perfect, but hopefully it would deter them while he got some much needed rest and a bite to eat. No sleep, but he'd been on his feet for over two hours now, and even without the effects of the drug, if he didn't sit down soon he was going to fall down and stay down permanently.

"_Eeh, Doc? Don' suppose you have a carrot in that vest of yours?"_

"Nope. Sorry. Don't normally pack vegetables."

Once on the property, he staggered his way along the path to the barn, carefully opened the door and peered inside.

It was a typical barn, circa 1950. Tractor, tools, chickens, horses, straw. Do-it-Yourself bomb kit from ACME trading company.

Huh!

Daniel blinked heavily and looked again.

Nope. Just the farm stuff. No convenient bomb components. Though if he was MacGyver he could probably make an explosive of some kind using the excessive amounts of manure and fertilizer present! All _he _could think of making with what was available was a nice little wattle-and-daub hut to keep himself warm! Where _was_ Sam when you needed her?

He slowly climbed the ladder to the straw covered loft and collapsed against farthest the wall. Now that he'd stopped moving the cold was beginning to seep into his bones once more. He searched the vest pockets for one of his energy bars, and eagerly tore it open.

Mmmm. They'd never tasted _this_ good before!

Looking around the loft he could see horse tack and blankets neatly stacked in the corner and he hoped they wouldn't be needed during his short stay. There was nowhere to hide up here that wasn't visible to anyone at the top of the ladder. Still, it would be nice to just lie down in the straw for a while, just to get warm …

… Huh! … He jerked awake. No!! … He couldn't afford to fall asleep … didn't have much of a lead … too warm … drug _was_ a tranquilliser … so comfortable …

"_Oh Doctor Jaaackson? Doctor Jackson? Wake up, Doc!!"_

Daniel jumped to his feet, still more than half unconscious. He could hear sounds outside of men and horses.

Glancing at his watch he cursed as he realized he'd been asleep for over two hours! The sun had well and truly set and it was completely dark outside.

Half jumping down the ladder, he stumbled over to the rear of the barn, to the small half-door in the side wall he'd noticed on the way in.

Forcing open the door he crawled outside and peered towards the front. The once quiet yard was teeming with men and horses, and the lights, sounds and downward draft of a nearby hover vehicle.

"There he is!" shouted a voice and to his dismay, Daniel saw a young boy pointing in his direction, jumping up and down on the spot in excitement.

"Joshua! Get away from him!" screamed a near-hysterical woman.

Daniel didn't wait, he sped off towards the far fence.

At least he _thought_ he sped off.

Apparently he wasn't moving quite as quickly as he wanted to, since he was suddenly brought down heavily by at least six thick lassos pulling tight around him.

"That's it boys! Git the varmint!"

Daniel peered up dizzily at the men on the other end of the ropes, his head wound reopened by his fall. When had Yosemite Sam joined the chase?

"Don' look so dangerous now, does he? Can't lead us on no more goose-chases now!" one of them said with a kick to Daniel's rib cage.

"What say we has us a lil' fun here, boys? There's nothin' to say he has to be in a _pris-teeen_ condition, now is there?"

Daniel felt the tug on the ropes as though they came from a great distance away.

He felt it slightly when they attached the ropes to one of the vicious, large toothed horses breathing down his neck.

He wanted to argue that he would be much more valuable in a pristine condition, but he couldn't get his mouth to work any more. Even Bugs was lying low!

He _certainly_ felt it when they started galloping back towards Laroda City, dragging him along the ground behind them.

But at least he only felt it for a little while…

_#_#_#_#_#_

AN: I know it's meant to be humor, but I doooo love whumping Daniel!! _lol_

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_


	9. Chapter 9

_Set: Season 3 _

_Spoilers: Deadman's Switch, Legacy_

_Disclaimer: The Looney Tunes characters are the property of Warner Bros. Stargate & SG1 belongs to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so _

_ wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow). _

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 9:** Ándale! Ándale! Arriba!

Three quarters of SG-1 (plus one), took cover behind a particularly dense clump of trees as advance riders from the posse thundered back along the track they had been following in their pursuit of Daniel.

As predicted, it had not been easy going, even with the advantage of trained horses, but they had been close to ranch they believed Daniel to be holed up in when Simon suddenly gasped at something he saw or heard on the VC and dragged them hurriedly deeper into the forest.

Sam stood still as she felt rather than heard more horses pounding along the path in their direction. Simon motioned for everyone to keep silent, even as he murmured something to the horses in his native tongue.

The second set of riders weren't bothering to try to be quiet. They were whooping and yelling as they proceeded back towards Laroda City, dragging something along behind them. At Simon's sharp gasp, Sam craned her neck to see better what was happening, and her startled oath was joined by exclamations from both Teal'c and Jack.

"Oh my god, Sir! They've killed Daniel!!"

"The _Bastards_!" the Colonel snarled back.

"What are we going to do?"

"We need to follow them, O'Neill. I doubt Daniel Jackson is dead. Being dragged behind the horses will not kill him in conditions such as these."

"Won't do him much good though, will it?" Jack snarled back with a frown.

Making his mind up, Jack turned to their guide, "Simon, will they take him back to Wyattville, or just to Laroda City?"

"Laroda City, Colonel. The weather is too uncertain to try to get Dr Jackson all the way back to Wyattville tonight, plus I do not believe it would matter to their 'customers' where they picked him up from. Laroda has the benefit of being closer to the Chapa'ai."

He thought for a bit then continued, "They will probably use the Jailhouse to hold him until they are ready."

"Is there some way we can sneak into the jail without he Hunters knowing?" Jack asked.

"Not to my knowledge, Colonel."

"How about a safe place to watch them - someplace we can't be seen, but can watch the front entrance."

"The Hotel would do well. My cousin is the Proprietor there, so we should be able to get a good viewing position - so long as it is not booked out, that is."

_#_#_#_

Seshat paced furiously up and down in front of the modified cell in the Laroda City Jailhouse, ranting angrily at the senior Bounty Hunters and the reporter unfortunate enough to be in the room with her.

After she had blown Elmer's brains out in front of them with some weird hand-held Goa'uld plasma weapon, none of them were game to draw attention to themselves.

Perhaps literally dragging the prisoner half the way back to the City in his condition had not been such a good idea after all, Dusty admitted to himself. It had seemed like a bit of harmless fun after the chase the Tau'ri had led them, but they had failed to take into account the expectations of their paying customer - who was now steaming up the jail with language that was turning even their hardened ears red.

"I thought you reassured me that the drug on those darts was a harmless tranquilliser?" she yelled at Dorango who nodded meekly at her. "Well then, how do you explain the condition _**he**_ is in?" she said, pointing sharply at the prisoner.

The Tau'ri certainly did not look good - if the heap of blood stained, torn and rumpled rags in the cell could be spoken of in such a positive way.

The young man had obviously had a severe adverse reaction to the drug, which amongst other things was causing him to have difficulty breathing and to hallucinate. The restlessness and talking in tongues - that was seemingly a direct result of a fever induced delirium.

The sensor attached to his skin under the tattered clothing was providing a constant stream of data on his fluctuating condition, and the fact that it had not improved in the two hours since the capture was doing nothing to pacify the Goa'uld.

"It is either that he has some underlying medical condition which has been affected by the drug, or Tau'ri human physiology is in some way significantly different to that of Melth'm humans", Dorango replied calmly to Seshat.

"And your medicine has no way to counteract this adverse affect?" the flanged voice enquired.

"Not without detailed biochemical analysis of his blood, and in particular, his brain chemistry, by which time the effects will have worn off naturally."

"_**If **_he survives!" Seshat snapped at him.

"Ay, if he survives. But if he has made it this far, the chances are very good."

"For your sake, I pray that this is true. Lord Thoth will be here within the next two hours, and he will _**not**_ be pleased if his prisoner is unable to survive the transfer to his ship! Need I remind you of your obligations to Lord Thoth, and of how … _severe_ … his punishment can be?"

"No, Seshat. We will make every endeavour to see that the prisoner is firmly on the way to recovery before Lord Thoth arrives."

"Very well, then. See that it is so. I shall retire to my room to await his arrival. I take it that the device you have affixed to Dr. Jackson's chest will inform us of any turn for the worst on his part?"

"Certainly, Seshat and at least one of us will stay here as an added precaution," Dorango added confidently.

"See that you do - and tend to his wounds before Lord Thoth sees the condition he is in!" Seshat said as she flounced out of the Jailhouse and over to the adjacent Hotel.

_#_#_#_

Dorango sighed as he brushed a hand through his hair in frustration. He sincerely wished he had never accepted the commission to find the Tau'ri scholar for the Goa'uld. What had seemed to be an easy chance for money and prestige had devolved into something akin to a farce. The Tau'ri was much more astute in matters of tactics and evasion than he had been led to believe, and he had managed to make the Melth'm Guild members look like rank amateurs in comparison.

"If this is what the non-military member of SG-1 is like in the field, no wonder they have been causing the Goa'uld so much trouble!" he vocalized to the surprise of the others in the room.

"Boss? What if the others show up before Thoth does? They're gonna kill us! - Hell! _She's_ gonna kill us if they do, ain't she?" Dusty asked him.

"Wouldn't surprise me in the least if she gave it a darn good try, Dusty. Seshat strikes me as the kind of being to 'clean up the evidence' if things go too wrong!"

"Well hell! That's _mighty _reassuring!"

"Would have been better if you'd used the _normal_ tranquilliser darts on the Tau'ri rather than the horse-sized ones!"

"Well, how in tarnation was I to know Elmer had a sadistic streak as big as the Goa'ulds? I _thought_ he loaded up normal ones!"

Dorango sighed and moved to the desk terminal. "May as well log it in, then. At least if we can hold onto him until Thoth picks him up we'll get paid for him - and acknowledgement for his capture!"

With a jerk of his head to the cell he added, "You and Jonno had better see if you can do something for Jackson before anything else happens!"

As the others got to work, he logged into the hyperspatial ethernet link to Guild headquarters to update the Bounty Database with relevant details of Dr Jackson's capture. Whether or not the Tau'ri remained in Goa'uld hands, the Melth'm guild would gain an enviable reputation for having managed to achieve what so many others had been unable to do for three years - successfully capture a member of SG-1. And if only Thoth could relieve him of Jackson's presence, he could try to capture the remainder of the Tau'ri team too - especially if they didn't know of his removal!

_#_#_#_

Jack sighed as he watched the movements of the Bounty Hunters through the window of the Hotel. Simon's cousin had come through for them and the front of house, first floor suite gave an excellent view into the Jail.

He watched as the Goa'uld stormed out of the building towards the hotel. Hopefully the hunters would settle down shortly and only maintain a light guard of the premises.

Yeah, right! This _was_ Daniel he was talking about! When did he _ever_ catch a break!

_#_#_#_

_Daniel was floating across the glass pedestrian bridge, reclining on a soft white cloud and basking in the warm sunlight which was reflecting in a scintillating array of colours from the crystal arch above his head._

_The eyes of the bridge supports followed his progress, lashes fluttering seductively, as a Mariachi Mouse band in yellow sombreros serenaded the twenty perfectly pearlescent, perennially perky porcelain pigs that formed the supports. He drank in the perfume from the pink rosebuds painted on the pigs' posterior, whilst he hummed along to one of the munchkin's songs from Jack's favourite movie._

_It was all very 'Alice-in-Wonderland' like: - a bit surreal and overly Technicolored!_

_Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew something was as rotten as the breath of a freshly animated zombie!_

_A mouse sped into sight and over to the Mariachi band shouting something that sounded like 'Epa, Epa Andale!' - urging the band to retreat to safer environs away from 'El Gringo'!_

_Daniel shivered as the sun was suddenly covered by thick, black clouds which frothed furiously outwards, covering the sky with their darkness. Lightning sparked blue across the crystalline planes of the bridge as Yosemite Sam galloped into view on a monstrous skeletal horse, shooting phalanges* randomly into the air from his twin pistols, scaring away the mice._

_Deciding it would be prudent to be elsewhere, Daniel made to sit up, only to find his arms tightly fastened to the cloud itself - along with his neck, waist and legs. _

_Speedy had reappeared wearing the Goa'uld-worthy robes of a Sorcerer (though still in his yellow sombrero), waving a pint-sized staff weapon about indiscriminately in time to the music of Paul Dukas*. Huge waves splashed over the sides of the bridge in time with the arcs of plasma disgorged._

_Daniel watched the drama unfold as he struggled with his cotton wool bindings, seeing the perky pigs cover their eyes and cower as a particularly strong blast speared down from a nightmarish Martian centurion in brown leather standing amidst the darkest cloud, aiming his lightning bolts at the bridge. A blue bolt burst along the length of Daniel's back, forcing a cry from his throat as his muscles spasmed in reaction to the charge. Despite his residual pain he watched in disbelief as Yosemite and steed were struck by several bolts at once, flashed fluorescent blue like a demented Christmas decoration and instantly burned down to a crispy pile of ashes._

_With an enormous clap of thunder, the crystal arch above the bridge shattered, and splinters fell to the ground slicing through his cloud and his skin as he spiraled into the roiling water far beneath._

_Floating away on the turbulent waves, Daniel could have sworn he heard one of the pigs muttering something like "Th…th…th...That's all Folks!" before the cloud and river encapsulated his head and he heard no more._

_#_#_#_

Seshat relaxed back in the copious bubbles of the hot tub, an amused smile on her face as she accessed the thoughts of the young Tau'ri in the Jail across the road.

She was very pleased with the results of her 'Field Test' of the modifications to the Tok'ra memory device. Creating the ability to connect the personal disc-like receiver with a jack-in _'3-D'_ neural interface allowed her to 'see' whatever the subject was thinking or seeing directly, rather than via a vid-screen. A most beneficial improvement - especially when one was in need of a diversion to unwind after a stressful day of planetary domination!

She was finding Dr. Jackson's mind an intriguing place to be. His current dreams (or more accurately, nightmares) were causing sensations analogous to that of being under the influence of a narcotic - with none of the extreme interactive effects that would occur if she was fully tapped into the young man's brain.

The device was also sensitive enough to pick up the secondary thoughts underlying the experiences as they occurred to the subject in the dream, so she could, with a small recalibration, follow the Tau'ri cultural references as well as the subject could.

It was most enlightening!

The prospects for a greater understanding of human neural activity and cognitive processes was limitless - and the entertainment value was not half bad either! It was a pity Thoth did not approve of the mass production of the device for entertainment. She could make another killing on G-Bay!

She stretched out her hand for her galactic-roaming enabled communicator as it activated with Thoth's private call tone.

"Husband?" she queried.

"_I am approaching the solar system now, My Sweet. I shall be within range to ring you up within one planetary hour. How does our purchase?"_

"Not as well as I had hoped, Love. These imbeciles have no idea of how to handle delicate merchandise! There is some damage, but nothing that cannot be remedied."

"_Good! I would hate to lose a contact as potentially useful as Dorango. Who knows when we will have further need of his services?"_

"How went your golf trip with Zeus? Did you manage to relax, or shall I have to restrict your hours of play with your new toy?" Seshat queried.

"_The trip was fine. I won - again - the benefits of a solid grounding in higher mathematics. Of course I do have an unfair advantage, seeing that I invented most of it! Zeus and Hera send their greetings, by the way, and extend an invitation to visit Olympus for the next Goa'uld Olympics, staying at their Palace - I think they have renovated again!"_

"Always trying to keep up with the Cronuses!"

"_Indeed!"_

"As enjoyable as it is to converse with you whilst enjoying one of the truly great human inventions, if I am to be ready when you arrive I must finish now."

"_In the hot tub, are we?"_

"Of course!"

"_Hmm. I do not suppose you have a __**larger **__vidscreen handy, do you?"_

"Now. now, Thothy. You can look your fill once I and our purchase are on board."

"_But then I will be too distracted to give you the attention you so richly deserve!"_

"Do not whine, My Pet - it does not become one of your seniority!"

"_Oh alright! In one hour then. Do not forget to wear something sexy for me - you know how … energized … a potential new investigation makes me!"_

Smiling as she turned off the comm -link, Seshat stepped from the tub and enveloped herself in a large, soft towel before heading to the bedroom.

Allowing her mind to wander, she donned a pair of soft, tight, brown suede pants and a leopard print dress which clung to her figure in a way Thoth _really _loved. She just _had_ to get more of the Tau'ri textiles from _.gal. _The galactic hyperspace mail order company was the only reliable source of her favourite patterned cloth, none of the alternative animal prints she had dabbled with over the past three millenniahad ever pleased her as much!

Sighing, she pulled on her long brown boots, grabbed her snake-skin overnighter and headed back to the jail. With luck Thoth would be early and she would not have to put up with those yokels for another thirty minutes!

As the snow fell silently around her, she wondered whether Dr. Jackson had dreams of such intensity all the time, or if it was only when under the influence? Maybe testing his susceptibility to narcotic agents could be incorporated into part of her research - she did so enjoy a good bedtime story now and again!!!

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**A/N:** *The music referred to in chapter above occurs in the relevant scene of the Disney movie '_Fantasia' _and is "_The Sorcerer's Apprentice"_ by Paul Dukas (1897), which in turn was based on the 1797 poem of the same name by Goethe.

*Phalanges are the bones of the fingers or toes of vertebrate animals.

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_


	10. Chapter 10

_Set: Season 3 _

_Disclaimer: The Looney Tunes characters are the property of Warner Bros. Stargate & SG1 belongs to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so _

_ wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow). _

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 10:** I Thoth I thaw a Goa'uld with Zats!

"Aw, **crap**!" Jack mumbled, almost to himself as he gazed out the Hotel window. Things just never went easy for Daniel, did they? "Tell me that _isn't _what I think it is, Carter!" he growled.

"It looks like a set of rings activated inside the jail, Sir", the Major replied in a worried tone of voice.

"I _asked_ you not to tell me that!"

"Sorry, Sir."

"It would appear that a Goa'uld ship has entered orbit, O'Neill"

Jack sighed, "What are the chances that Daniel is still in the jail with the locals?"

"Slim to negligible, O'Neill."

"Yep! That's what I thought. Any ideas on who the snakehead might be, Teal'c?", Jack asked.

"None, O'Neill. There do not appear to any Jaffa present on Melth'm, so I have no information regarding the symbol of the Goa'uld or System Lord behind this operation, and the host of the goa'uld working with the Bounty Hunters Guild is unfamiliar to me."

"Colonel O'Neill, the Vid-Cast made mention of a Lord Thoth whose representative was on the Hover vehicle involved in Dr. Jackson's capture. It is likely that he is the Goa'uld for whom the Bounty Hunters are working," Simon added.

"Sir, maybe we could ask the Tok'ra if they have any information on Thoth's current base of operations."

"Sure … right after I _beat _any available information out of those low-life scumbags in the Jailhouse!"

"I will be pleased to render you assistance in your information gathering, O'Neill, but would they not be expecting a rescue attempt on our part?"

"And? _So_…?"

"Sir, with all due respect, but as much as I want to get Daniel back, getting ourselves caught and sold off - maybe to another _'client'_ altogether - won't bring him back any quicker - and we should inform the General of Daniel's capture. At the very least he will need to block Daniel's code from the computer in case the goa'uld gets it."

"Daniel would _never_ give up any sensitive information, no matter what that snake does to him!"

"You don't know that Sir! From what Daniel has mentioned before, Thoth is a scientist. Who knows what sort of ways he has developed to interrogate captives?" Sam added in exasperation at her CO's implacability.

"_Fine_, Carter. _You_ go talk to the General and see if the 'friendly' snakes have any information they've _**forgotten**_ to pass on to us as part of that Treaty that only seems to work one way, while T and I go scout the jail and try to get one of the snake-loving bastards to talk," Jack snarled.

Sighing to herself Sam replied, "Yes, Sir" before grabbing her pack and heading out of the room.

Jack looked across at the Jaffa standing stoically behind him, "So, T. You ready for some fun?"

He took the raised eyebrow as an affirmative.

_#_#_#_

"_I'm a tweet wittle bird in a gilded cage. Danny's my name, but I don't look my age. I don't have to worry, cos facts is facts! I'm thafe in here from that old goa'uld Seshat! …"_

"No, no, NO!" Daniel thought to himself. "This is the last straw! I _refuse_ to allow myself to identify with that loathsome Tweety Bird! At a pinch I could even put up with Foghorn Leghorn, but NOT Tweety!!!"

As he struggled to pull himself back to a conscious state, Daniel could hear strangely muffled talk as a backdrop to his dreams, which understandably, were quite … muddled.

"_I thoth I thaw a goa'uld with zats?!"_

"Huh???" he groaned.

"_I did! I did! I did thaw a goa'uld with zats!"_

"…tor Jackson? Doctor Jackson, can you hear me? You have had a bad allergic reaction to some tranquillizers, so you may find yourself a bit disoriented."

"Ya _think_?!" he muttered to himself, eyes closed, still only semi-conscious. Where was Jack? He needed to talk to Jack! He tried extra hard to force his way to coherence.

"J'net?" he queried despite the thick wad of cotton wool in his mouth and head.

"No, Dr Jackson. I am afraid you are not on Earth at the moment," stated an ominously flanged voice in alarmingly close proximity to where he lay.

"My name is Thoth. You are currently in my ship on route to one of my bases."

Well _that _got his eyes working!

_#_#_#_

Calvin considered the last day or so to be something of a personal and professional eye-opener.

Firstly he got pulled from his coverage of the Wyattville Fashion Festival Gala - an event he had been looking forward to for well over six months - only to have to cover a new technical development by the Bounty Hunters Guild, a group of people he considered to be so low in the pecking order as to be almost microscopic to the people in whose circles he normally loved to travel.

Then, he ended up trapped in a glorified flying security office as the Guild "hunted" some other nobody, trapped with a stuck-up model wanna-be who was clueless as to the honour he was showing her by paying her attention.

Next, he ended up at a hicksville jail with said hunters, only to have the model turn into some sort of alien psychopath and brutally murder one of the cretins in front of everyone. He was _soooo_ glad he'd changed his mind about trying to ask her out!

And now, he thought as he squirmed in his incredibly hard seat, _now _here he was, bleeding from a massive, probably _fatal_, cut to his head, tied up and facing a man who made the alien psychopath look like a Junior High School Band Majorette! He just _**had**_ to quit his job with the Vid Caster and go freelance! All this stress was bad for his complexion - among other things!

He tried to surreptitiously wipe the sweat from his forehead using his shoulder, but only succeeded in drawing the attention of the latest psychopath to cross his path - the seriously unhinged Colonel in charge of those galactic terrorists SG-1! He swallowed involuntarily as the tall Tau'ri military man loomed over him.

"You have only one small chance in hell of getting out of this in one piece, Callus, so unless you can tell me where Dr. Jackson is and who took him, I'm going to let Teal'c here demonstrate his secret Jaffa 'questioning' techniques on you … and believe me, once he's gotten through with you, you'll wish you'd been blasted to bits like that one over there," he jerked his head to indicate Elmer's remains.

"B..b..but I'm just a vid-reporter! I don't know anything about what happened!" Calvin pleaded, sweat forming gushing torrents down his face and neck.

"Well now, that's just too bad for you! Guess we'll have to use you to demonstrate our determination to the Bounty Hunters over there," the vicious brute with the short grey hair whispered menacingly to him.

"T, how about you start with his … ooh let's see…how about his left ear? He seems a bit hard of hearing, maybe removing the bits that don't work will enable him to think more clearly."

"No! Wait!" he all but yelled. "I only know what I overheard. They didn't talk much in my hearing until we got back here and Elmer was killed! I'll tell you what I know, just don't hurt me!!"

"Indeed you shall, Calvin Stein, or I will sincerely regret the necessity of filleting the flesh of your epidermis and pectoral musculature from your vertebro-sternal ribs, snapping your sternum in two and excavating your thoracic cavity until your heart and internal organs cease to function."

"Jeez Teal'c! Did you have to be so gruesome?!" Jack complained in a whisper as he watched the green-hued journalist heave his stomach contents onto his clothes and the floor of the cell.

"Did you not wish me to intimidate Calvin Stein until he confessed, O'Neill?"

"Well, yeah T, but …"

"And did you not say that you wished to expedite matters?"

"Maybe not in those exact words, though …"

"And have I not succeeded in making an impression upon our subject?"

"Sure, yet …"

"Then I fail to see of what you complain, O'Neill," Teal'c stated with raised eyebrow.

Muttering to himself about teammates who failed to follow his orders, Jack decided to quit while he was still ahead - even if he wasn't!

Turning back to Calvin, wearing his most ferocious expression yet, Teal'c continued: "I believe Colonel O'Neill asked you the destination of our associate and who took possession of him?"

Calvin gasped in large draughts of air as he tried in vain to ignore the smell of vomit on his extremely expensive _Christian Worth_ suit while gathering his thoughts.

"They called her Seshat or Lady Seshat - all obsequious and such. I don't know who she is, but she's certainly not human - not with that voice and strength! I don't know where your friend is, all I remember is a set of strange metal rings appeared in the outer room around Seshat and the prisoner. Next thing I know she was gone!"

He gulped as he stared at Teal'c who was quietly cracking his knuckles in front of his chair, "That's all I know, I swear! Oh - and she said on the hover that Lord Thoth didn't want the prisoner harmed. And she said they wouldn't need coats where they were going. That's all!"

Jack nodded at Teal'c who moved away from chair, to the reporter's everlasting relief.

"Your boy looks like you," a gruff voice came from the outer room where the five Bounty Hunters had been trussed up.

"_Excuse me?_" Jack intoned as he turned to look at the grizzled, grey-haired Kenny Rogers look-alike.

"Dr. Jackson looks like you," the hunter reiterated. "Tall, lean, light brown hair, long limbed, similar bone structure. He's not so … _hard …_ though. Not at all what I was expecting of a supposed insurrectionist with half the galaxy's Goa'uld lords after his blood! Not sure I would've wanted _my_ son following me into your line of work though!"

"_Son?_ You think Daniel's my son? How old do you think I am, fer cryin' out loud?" came Jack's plaintive tones.

As 'Kenny' seemed to be giving serious consideration to what Jack had considered a rhetorical

question, he continued: "Don't answer that! For your information, Dr Jackson is NOT my son! If he was I'd make sure he actually listened when I told him not to cavort around on strange planets without back-up!"

"My apologies, it's just that half of Melth'm uses patronymic surnames, so I just assumed you'd be related - seeing as your own surname is also patronymic - if via a different tribal branch! Guess the gene pool on your world's not so big, huh!" 'Kenny' replied with a shrug.

Jack just glared, "You the leader?"

"Ay. That'd be me - Dorango Jones. I'm the chief Bounty Hunter on Melth'm."

"So, tell me, who took Daniel, and where were they headed? Or are you going to claim the Fifth Amendment also?"

"Don't know anything about a '_Fifth Amendment_', but I can't tell you what I don't know. I was hired by Seshat on behalf of Thoth to acquire Daniel Jackson before he was captured by any of the numerous Goa'ulds and others after him. In return, we were paid above the stated bounty in currency and technical support. Seshat took control of the prisoner once we had him and was picked up, presumably by an orbiting transport vessel, about forty minutes ago. That's all I know. I have never _met_ Lord Thoth. I do not know where his base of operations might be. I have no idea of why he wished to procure Dr. Jackson - and _that_ is the sum of my knowledge. None of my men know even that much. So, if you are going to kill us, I suggest you do it now before the next shift and the Sheriff come on duty!"

Jack ran a hand through his short cropped hair in frustration. "You have no idea where they are taking Daniel?"

"None"

"And you don't know why Thoth wanted him?"

"No, though the orders specified that _under no circumstance_ was Dr. Jackson to be hurt or damaged in any way that was avoidable. That's why Elmer over there ended up dead." Dorango indicated the remains with a jerk of his chin.

Jack sighed, "Is there _anything_ else you can remember that would help us find him? Anything at all?"

"Not really. Though, he does contact me via my 'Spacebook' account. Don't know if that'll help any."

"_Spacebook? _What's that?"

Dorango gave him a pitying look, "Surely even your little planet must have 'Spacebook'? It's only _the_ most popular galactic networking site! It's an invaluable tool for staying in contact with people and clients from other planets and solar systems. Thoth has an account which he regularly updates with his facts, figures and galactic statistics. In fact, his is the best site for information on a vast range of obscure galactic subjects and comparisons. Sort of links in to his _Encyclopedia Goa'uldica_, so to speak."

"And this would help us find him _how_, precisely??"

"Sir, if we knew how to access his account, we could try to back-track it," said Sam who had just returned. "We might be able to find from where the entries originated - probably with Dad's help."

"Ahh! Good old Jacob! Where would we be without our _oh so_ reliable, schizophrenic allies?"

"_Sir!_" Sam retorted with displeasure evident in her tone.

"Never mind, Carter. You speak to the General?"

"Yes, Sir. He wants us back immediately."

"What of these Bounty Hunters, O'Neill?"

Jack stared at each of the group tied up on the floor in turn, his hand itching to shoot them all twice with a zat and rid the galaxy of unnecessary ground-crawlers.

Something of his thoughts must have shown on his face, because a groan from the chair indicated Calvin slumping in a dead faint, with only the ropes holding him up. Dorango on the other hand, was keeping his eyes fixed squarely on Jack's, no overt expression on his face.

"Oh for cryin' out loud! Zat 'em once and lets go!" He turned to glare at Dorango, "If _any_ of you come after one of us again, I will make it my life's work to hunt each and every one of you down, no matter where you run, and kill you in the most painful way I can think of! Capice?"

Dorango stared at him unblinking for a moment, then gave a single, sharp nod of acceptance. "The Spacebook address is on the desk over near the door," he told him.

"Good," Jack stated as he nodded to Teal'c to carry out his order. "Well, I wish I could say it was nice meetin' ya and all that …!" he added to the sound of zat fire.

Looking around at the unconscious men in the Jailhouse, Jack clapped both Teal'c and Sam on the shoulders, "OK kids, let's head back to Oz and see what Jacob can find out for us!"

As they headed out of the town for the last time he added, "You know I wasn't including your Dad in that 'schizophrenic' crack, right Carter? … Carter? … _Aww_ come on! You _know_ I like your dad!"

"Yes, _Sir_" Carter replied tersely, not looking at her commanding officer.

"Carter?"

"I would not pursue this topic of conversation further at this stage, O'Neill. Perhaps after a few tubs of blue jello and chocolate chip ice cream, Major Carter may feel more inclined to forgive your insult to her remaining parent's adopted race."

"Are you suggesting that I should _bribe_ my second in charge, T?"

"Indeed," confirmed the Jaffa as he passed through the wormhole on route to Earth.

"I just get no respect around here …!" Jack muttered to himself as he dematerialized.

_#_#_#_

Seshat watched as Thoth withdrew a blood sample from arm of the young man restrained on the surgical table.

"You know, My Love, I can see now why Hathor was so intent on regaining possession of Dr. Jackson."

Thoth looked across at his wife and smiled knowingly, "So, you find him appealing as well, do you?"

Seshat laughed and batted her host's lashes at him, "Of course! But not to the extent she did! He really is a remarkable specimen, and his … _colouring_ … is quite within the range both Hathor and I admire in our subjects- pale skin, tawny hair, eyes the colour of the Heliopolis sky at noon - and that's without acknowledging his other _attributes_!" she added with a raised eyebrow.

"Attributes??"

She laughed again, "His incredible … _mind!" _she teased after a significant pause. "He has an extraordinary brain - so much information, so much imagination! The sheer quantity of neural connections and the ways in which his cognitive processes pull obscure ideas and seemingly random bits of information together to form a working hypothesis is on a level I have never seen before in humans. It is a shame that in order to do more in depth research he would have to be dead!"

"Now, Seshat," Thoth protested mildly, "You promised him to me for my _1,289th re-birthday!_ I cannot study him if you are planning on dissecting his brain!"

"_**Hello! **__..._ I'm lying right here! Do you think you can take your discussions about my apparently imminent demise somewhere else? You're disturbing my sleep!," Daniel complained in a drug-slurred voice.

Seshat clapped sardonically, "Bravo, Dr Jackson! The intonation in your voice is almost perfect! If I had not spent several centuries analyzing human speech patterns under a variety of stressful conditions, I

would have thought you completely uncaring as to your welfare."

"Bite me!", Daniel sniped back in true O'Neill fashion.

"Oooh! A tempting offer indeed! I wonder, should I take you up on it, and if I did, which part of you would be the _most_ appealing?" Seshat half purred at him.

"Please, My Sweet; can we keep him? He truly is the most handsome and intelligent pet I have ever acquired - _and_ he is house trained - as far as I know!"

"What do you mean, _'as far as you know?_' I'm an intelligent, sentient being! Of _course_ I'm house trained!"

Daniel pausing abruptly as his befuddled brain caught up on everything that had been said, "… _Pet?_ _**Pet?!**_ - I am _sooo_ **not** a pet! No-one keeps humans as pets!"

Ignoring his captive, Thoth continued, "If I _did_ plan on keeping him long term, however, I would have to get him a companion … Maybe we could institute a breeding program! … Specialised, tame, trained Tau'ri pets for pampered System Lords! His mate would have to be someone of equal or close to equal intellect or he would get bored very quickly, I think."

"Do you really think so? The human males - particularly the Tau'ri ones we have encountered in the past - would have no problems in mating with anything of the female persuasion, so long as they had the right stimulus!"

"Are you not being a bit harsh there, My Sweet? In these relatively enlightened times, I am sure even less advanced humans such as the Tau'ri would require _some_ degree of commonality or companionship to form a long-term relationship!"

To the background spluttering of a flabbergasted Daniel, Seshat continued, "You are also ignoring the problem of offspring. You know the Tau'ri breed like flies and if you think I am going to take responsibility for looking after your pet's cubs, you can think again!" she said, running her hand absent mindedly through Daniel's hair as she walked to stand beside the table.

Skimming through the bounty notice and his attached notes, Thoth also moved to stand by his furious captive. "You know, we have no idea whether he is fertile or not. He may be unable to sire offspring altogether. It has been a while since we dealt with the breeding potential of human livestock." He moved the thin sheet covering his naked subject down to knee level, and proceeded to examinethe … _potential _… of the furiously blushing young man, all while taking copious notes.

Turning to Daniel, Thoth asked in a curious tone of voice, "Tell me Dr. Jackson. Did you and your wife ever manage to conceive while you were on … where was it again? … Oh right - Abydos?"

"_What??_ … That's _none_ of your business! I am _**not**_ one of your experiments and I am _**not**_ a _**PET**_ for you to play with!! _Humans_ are _not kept as_ _pets!!!_" an embarrassed Daniel all but yelled at the goa'uld scientists in front of him.

"_You_ might not, but I can assure you that we goa'uld do! Would you prefer to be a _slave_, then?" Seshat enquired.

"_Nooo!_"

"A lab rat, perhaps?"

"Uh uh"

"Cadaver? - _That_ can be easily arranged."

"I _don't_ think so!!"

"Then _**stop**_ complaining!"

Thoth, who had been watching the exchange in amusement, looked at his _'guest' _as he pulled the sheet back up to Daniel's waist.

"Dr. Jackson, you are in no danger of being dismembered, dissected or vivisected, or of having any other form of extreme or lethal experimentation performed upon your person. The only studies that I or Seshat are likely to conduct upon you shall be on blood and tissue samples, or are behavioural in nature! It would be counter-productive to resort to such barbaric practices as you are envisioning after having expended much time, energy and fiscal outlay on securing your presence in our household!"

Daniel blinked several times as he attempted to process this information.

"In that case, _why am I restrained_, and why do my back, spine and arm hurt so much?" he whined, the residual pain from his injuries and long chase catching up with him once more.

Thoth raised his eyebrows in surprise as he answered, "We have had this conversation already, Dr. Jackson. You were shot twice on Melth'm, once with a heavy dose of tranquillizer which induced a severe allergic reaction."

Thoth paused as Seshat smiled in what Daniel considered to be a most disturbing manner.

"We are on my Ha'tak on route to one of my research planets. The restraints are to ensure you do not hurt yourself whilst in the grip of the fever which still assails you - and also to allow us to obtain the tissue, blood, bone marrow and cerebro-spinal fluid we require for our preliminary assessment of your genetics."

He paused briefly as he considered the previous conversation. "Although, we shall have to add to that some samples of your 'Code of Life' now."

"So, despite your protestations to the contrary, I _am_ just a guinea pig!"

"Well, if _you_ say it, it must be so! - Although you look a lot like a human to me," Seshat retorted, "- unless the pigs on your world have evolved to be long, skinny, mouthy, human look-alikes in the three millennia since we last lived there!"

Daniel just glared. He was beginning to think Seshat was related to Jack in some way - aside, that is, from the scientist part of it!

"We will move you to more aesthetically pleasing surroundings once we arrive, Dr. Jackson. There is no need for you to be uncomfortable while we conduct our … tests," Thoth reassured him as he administered a sedative of some sort along with the modified memory device.

_Somehow, that __**really**__ doesn't do much to reassure me!_ Daniel thought to himself as a black and white cat looking suspiciously like Seshat grabbed him tightly in her hand stating: "_Hello, Breakfast!". _

And as he drifted away once again, he could hear Tweety shouting with his own voice:

"_Help, Jaaack! … A piece of pasgetti's got me!!"_

_I have __**sooooo **__got to stop watching the Saturday morning cartoons with Teal'c, _he told himself as the darkness enveloped him with a maniacal laugh. 

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

A/N: A big thank you to everyone who's reviewed and put this twisted story on alert. It is much appreciated.

I am thinking of finishing this story once the current plot bunny runs out of steam.

It is already twice as long as originally planned, but has only covered a third of the span of time intended, _and_ it has sought out new pastures where no plot bunny (of mine at least) has ever gone before! If anyone is still interested, there is a lot of material that has been held over from the original concept which could be spun into further stories. Let me know what you think. - _Cheers!! _


	11. Chapter 11

_Set: Seasons 3 & 4 _

_Disclaimer: The Looney Tunes characters are the property of Warner Bros. SG1 belongs to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray_

_the characters. I just get to play with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow)._

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 11:** It's all just Thoth!

Jack O'Neill was pacing up and down the length of Daniel Jackson's lab, working very hard to wear a trench in the reinforced concrete floor. To Teal'c, it seemed that his CO grew more fidgety and restless the older he became, as opposed to the majority of his species.

Major Carter was sitting at Daniel Jackson's desk typing away furiously at the computer, in between eating large spoonfuls of chocolate chip ice-cream. Exactly what she hoped to accomplish _here_ that she could not do elsewhere was yet another mystery to him.

They were awaiting word from the Tok'ra on the whereabouts of Jacob Carter and Selmak who, apparently, were on yet another covert operation for the Council, though Aldwin had assured them that he would attempt contact as soon as it was safe to do so.

His teammates were not taking the wait at all well!

Teal'c remained standing, hands behind his back as if at parade rest, whilst contemplating the events of the two weeks. Daniel Jackson had once again been captured off-world - this time after a lengthy pursuit by Bounty Hunters - and was now in the hands of a powerful and ancient Goa'uld - Thoth. They had a lead to one of Thoth's bases, but required the assistance of the Tok'ra to determine its exact location.

Teal'c did not possess much information on this Goa'uld lord (he was uncharacteristically circumspect - for a Goa'uld), and though Apophis had dealings with him periodically, his former First Prime was not privy to the nature of these. He only knew that Thoth was one of the oldest of the Goa'uld Lords, and therefore amongst the most dangerous. It was difficult to predict just how an elder one would react in any given circumstance - they seemed prone to more sudden onset of the deterioration of their faculties - probably in part due to their relative distrust of the Sarcophagus and their tendency to maintain the same host for vast periods of time.

'Oh for cryin' out loud!" Jack yelled into the silence. "When are they gonna show their faces? We may as well ask the goa'uld for help directly for all the good the Tok'ra are doing for us!"

"With all due respect, Sir, we can't expect them to be just sitting waiting for us to call for assistance! They have their own jobs to do, and it's a big universe out there!" Sam replied. "It will take them some time to check and cross-reference all their current information sources and to pull operatives from the field. And if Thoth is as reclusive as Teal'c says, then the information available is likely to be small or non-existent. I'm sure they are doing all they can, Sir", she finished optimistically.

"See Carter, that's where I think you're wrong. I _don't_ think they're gonna raise a finger to help! They're just gonna sit their in their crystalline tunnels looking down their collective noses at us and letting us stew for a while before telling us that they can do nothing!"

"That's not fair, Sir! Many of the Tok'ra, including my Dad, like Daniel and would be willing to help - if they aren't on missions, that is!"

"Oh I'm sure _Jacob_ likes Danny. Maybe even Marty and Aldwin … a bit … I think … but the others? I doubt they even _know_ who he is, or how much they owe him for his work against the System Lords, or even for the numerous little translation jobs they keep setting him!"

Just then the alarms started sounding: _"UnAuthorised Off-World Activation" _

Jack bounced on his toes, obviously itching to head to the gateroom at a run, but General Hammond's threat to place the remaining members of SG-1 on training duties for a month if he saw them there again without call was obviously ringing in his ears still!

"_SG-1 to the Briefing Room. SG-1 to the…"_

The remainder of the message was drowned out by Jack's shout of "_**Yes!**__!!_", Carter's knocking Daniel's chair over in her haste to get out of the room, and Teal'c's …well, … Teal'c's very LOUD silence as he swiftly headed to the elevator!

_#_#_#_

"… _kson; Current Bounty rating: 3; Intelligence rating: 99.4 ; Height: 1.3 ; Weight: 80 ; Blood Pressure: 110/65; Pulse: (base reading) 62/std min; (agitated): 78/std min; metabolic rate: …"_

Thoth and Seshat watched in amusement through the one-way observational field as Daniel prowled in irritation around his room; monitors flashing physiological data on the screens behind them.

"I have to hand it to you, My Love," Seshat purred as her eyes followed the archaeologist's movements, "You certainly do have good taste in pets!"

She licked her lips hungrily before continuing, "He has an almost a feline grace - totally unlike anything I have previously seen in Tau'ri of his racial heritage. I am enjoying conducting research on him in a way I never have before - he is so much _**fun**_ to play with!!"

"Now, My Sweet, I hope you remember my request of you! _No damaging him!_ I know you enjoy playing with your 'toys', but remember he is here primarily for us to verify our theories on Tau'ri evolutionary trends and re-initialise our archives and database to include modern human stock."

"Just let me have a _**small**_ run of him in the 3-D gimbaled maze? _**Pleeease!**_ I swear I will not activate the electrical shock barriers, and I will even de-fang and de-claw the chimera before initiating the chase! I _need_ to see how he handles problem solving under pressure. It will also allow me to take detailed and accurate physiological parametric readings that will not be compromised by static exercise regimes. _Pleeease_, Thothy????" She batted her long eyelashes at her husband in a blatant attempt at manipulation.

"Alright, My Sweet! But it must be after we have concluded our preliminary testing, and no chimera!. I do not wish for any residual trauma from the maze to affect the results. If you have to, add one or two of the mega-_rattus_ to the maze - they may bite, but they are unlikely to do any permanent damage - if properly controlled, that is!"

Seshat purred as she rubbed playfully against him. "Of course, My Love. I shall follow your requirements to the letter before I do anything else. Thank you for letting me have access to your new specimen!"

"Anything for you, Seshat," Thoth responded with a laugh. "Now, let us get our friend sedated for the final round of tissue samplings; and then, if you are _very_ good and analyse them for me straight away, I will let you have Daniel for a play for a few hours!"

Seshat squealed as she hit a button on the panel before her and placed a kiss upon her husband's cheek. "You spoil me too much!" she said with a wide smile as Daniel fell to the floor overwhelmed by the inflow of gas into the chamber.

_#_#_#_

"…hard to get reliable intel, even with our resources. Not even the System Lords know where his home base is, let alone any of his _'labs'_", Jacob expounded with exasperation.

"Jacob, ol' buddy!" Jack exclaimed as he entered the Briefing Room, "I see your friends finally got hold of you!"

"Jack, Teal'c," Jacob acknowledged the rest of SG-1 as he gave his daughter a brief hug. "We came as fast as we could," he added, indicating the presence of Aldwin and Garshaw behind him.

"Colonel, Jacob & Selmak were just updating us with their progress on Thoth's whereabouts. Seems it's going to be more difficult to determine than we thought", General Hammond commented.

"Yeah, about that! Why would that be? Why is he so difficult to dig up? You guys don't seem to have any problems sneaking your way into the strongholds of other snakes!" Jack challenged.

Aldwin interposed before Garshaw could voice her displeasure at the Colonel's attitude, "Colonel O'Neill, you must understand that even though we have had our network of operatives in place for thousands of your years, to one such as Thoth it is but a blink of an eye! He is one of the oldest of our kind; a former System Lord, power-broker, arbiter, elder statesman - if you would - of the Goa'uld hierarchy. He has homes and hide-aways that even Ra did not know of, for all his power! If Thoth does not want to be found or contacted, he will not be!"

"So where does that leave Daniel, then? You saying we should just write him off as collateral damage? 'Cos if you are, I gotta say it ain't gonna happen!"

"Jack," Jacob replied, "No-one is saying anything of the kind. The well-being of Dr. Jackson is as important to the Tok'ra as it is to the SGC!"

"Yeah, right!"

"Colonel O'Neill", the flanged voice of Garshaw was heard for the first time. "We have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for your teammate. We may not have an operative in Thoth's household to whom we may rely for information, but I do believe that by thinking - I believe the Tau'ri term is _'outside the box'_, we can formulate a workable plan for Dr. Jackson's retrieval."

"What _exactly_ do you have in mind?"

Aldwin leaned forward, "Have you heard of the networking site, _'Spacebook'_?" he enquired in a conspiratorial manner, as SG-1 looked at each other in surprise.

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_


	12. Chapter 12

_Set: Early Season 4 _

_Disclaimer: The Looney Tunes characters are the property of Warner Bros. SG1 belongs to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray_

_the characters. I just get to play with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow)._

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 12:** Amazing Space … (book)

"… seven thousand five hundred and eighty seven; seven thousand five hundred and eighty eight; seven thousand five hundred and eighty nine…"

"_Would_ you _**cease**_ and _**desist!**_" came the irritated, flanged tones of Seshat as she sat at the computer console in front of Daniel's … he supposed he should give it it's proper name … _cell._

"Ooh! Well done, Seshat! You managed to hold out in excess of two whole hours that time! Imagine how much better you would do if you only concentrated!" Daniel sniped at the Goa'uld scientist as he paused in his pacing of the cell's confines to scratch at the healing teeth marks on his forearm.

"You know, I understand now why the System Lords are falling over themselves to _**buy**_ you. If you are as annoying to them as you are here, I can fully appreciate why they feel the need to _**torture you**_ so much! As you are a _lower_ life form, I would be more than justified to take to your nose with a very _LARGE roll of your newspaper!_ - I believe that is a recommended chastisement for annoying, disobedient, recalcitrant puppies on Earth?"

" Oh, well let me see! _Speaking_ of lower life forms - with _**snakes**_ we usually pin them down behind the head and _**de-fang**_ them! Though in your case, I probably would suggest that neutralising that raucous voice box would also be a _distinct_ advantage!!" Daniel snarked back. "Can I interest you in a _personal_ demonstration?"

"_Children!_ Do I really have to limit the amount of time you have available to play together?" Thoth inquired sardonically as he entered the large subterranean laboratory.

"If he does not behave himself, I am going to have to run a _complete_ new set of dream analyses! It is in his _own best interest_ to cooperate! Yet all he does is continue with that interminable pacing and counting! I would have been better off capturing that imbecile O'Neill!"

"OOH, _now_ you're hitting below the belt!" Daniel retorted with more than a hint of his own sarcasm, arms folded tightly in front of him. "_**I'm**_ not the one who decided to try to catalogue and analyse the importance of _'Tau'ri Animated Drawings and their Significance in the Release of Occupational Stresses in Lower Life-forms' _by drugging me out of my mind every three days or so and then eavesdropping on my nightmares after I've spent several _hours_ evading more of your _**pets**_ in that stinking maze!"

"What is the matter, _Tweety_? Cat got your tongue?"

"_**ENOUGH!**_"

Thoth took a deep breath and continued into the resultant silence. "Your behaviour ill-becomes you - _either_ of you! It is childish in the extreme and worthy only of beings such as Apophis and his get!"

He looked closely at Daniel in his large Perspex-like cell. Although in perfect metabolic health, the Tau'ri did seem to be somewhat listless and pale - when he wasn't agitated and embarrassed, that is!

"I thought you wished to attempt some research in our archives, Dr. Jackson? Could you not find that for which you were seeking?"

Daniel sighed as he ran a hand roughly through his hair. He found it distressingly difficult to maintain an attitude in Thoth's presence. It was like trying to be angry at an _a_moral Dr Jordan or General Hammond - just couldn't be done for sustained periods! The Goa'uld lord was too even-tempered, too in control of his emotions to be phased by tantrums or his usual snake-baiting tactics - unlike his consort!

"Strange through it may be to you, I find myself unable to give my full attention to pure research when half my mind is working on ways to set myself free from captivity! As fundamentally interesting as your data may be, I find myself somewhat distracted!"

"Perhaps you would benefit from some more sedate physical exercise. We could install some equipment within your rooms - I believe you Tau'ri are familiar with the usual bikes, tread mills, weights and such!"

"Oh, and maybe we could install an internal obstacle course and hamster _exercise wheel_ as well! - then I could spend my available time _physically_ running in circles as well as doing so mentally!" Daniel snarked.

"Yes! _Please_ do so My Love! Since he refuses to co-operate on an intellectual level, I may as well enjoy myself and spend even more time watching our little _**pet**_ get all hot and sweaty!"

She smiled wickedly, "_Please_ say you will strip down to standard earth exercise apparel, Dr Jackson - or maybe I could encourage you to go even further! The _'ManPower'_ Video Discs I purchased recently from were most _enjoyable_ and … _stimulating_ … to watch - from a purely scientific standpoint of course! - and I'm sure that the close study of your pectorals, gluteus maximus and other _musculature_ will do much to broaden my understanding of human physiology and anatomy, as well as to alleviate my growing … _frustrations_!"

At Daniel's ever deepening blush she continued; "And _then_ I will just _have_ to watch him freshen up once more - maybe by having a _long_, steamy shower … water and suds flowing over strong, hard, glistening, sweat-laden flesh … down long, lean legs …! Should I continue?" she enquired coyly, staring intently at the highly embarrassed young man.

"Over my dead body!"

"Ooh, _**that**_ would be interesting too!!" Seshat purred.

Thoth sighed deeply. He had not seen his wife so animated in a long, _long_ time! She seemed to enjoy the verbal sparring with his 'guest' more, even, than the research she had instigated after her sampling of Dr. Jackson's nightmares!

Even so, he was becoming rather tired of the constant bickering.

"I have the full results of our initial tests on Dr. Jackson, My Sweet. Perhaps I could interest you in the comparison with your current analysis?"

Seshat broke off her fun and turned at once to the data crystal he carried in his hand. "Is there any evidence to link to our past work?" she inquired curiously.

Thoth noticed that even Daniel had stopped his pacing and was listening intently - though he was trying to be circumspect about his interest.

"As a matter of fact, yes!", he grinned in satisfaction at his wife, his excitement growing as he shared his news. "The initial blood samples were indeterminate with little to indicate any possible connection…"

"But…?"

"But, I found his seed of life - I believe you Tau'ri call it the sperm or male chromosome?" he enquired of Daniel before continuing, "-his _Y-chromosomal DNA_, matched one from my earliest archived databases! It has taken a while to narrow the parameters further, but I can state to 90 percent confidence levels, that Daniel's ancestor to the nth degree was amongst one of our earliest Hebridean experiments!"

"Well that explains his colouring at least! Which one of our subjects was it?"

"The one we designated Donal."

"Donal … Donal … Was he not the one who bested our First Prime in non-weapon combat? A lean man of medium height, with flame coloured hair? He, also, had the grace of a cat! His eyes were hazel, though, and he was quite hirsute - unlike our pet, here!"

"Well done, My Love! To be able to call up his appearance after two and a half millennia is an impressive achievement!"

"She probably has her own database stashed away somewhere with all the male subjects that have piqued her _interest_ over time!"

"Why Dr. Jackson! How astute of you! I think such _creative_ yet deductive reasoning deserves a treat. Would you like a doggy biscuit? … Some cuttlefish bone to sharpen your beak? … Or maybe a scratching post! You are such a _**cat **_sometimes! Here boy! Come and get it…!" Seshat whistled.

Thoth looked at the archaeologist's fisted hands and focused, tense stance and glanced at the readings showing an elevated heart rate and blood pressure with a deep sigh. If this kept up much longer, he would have to release or exchange the Tau'ri to prevent him from having heart failure at a regrettably tender age!

He leaned back against the console and watched the ongoing interplay with detached interest.

Seshat thought the Tau'ri resembled one of the wild cats of which she was so fond; but judging by the way she managed to raise the hackles of the normally placid man with her every comment, Thoth thought Daniel was responding more in the way a dog would to a dangerous cat, or in his wife's case, a leopard.

With Daniel, that dog would probably be a half grown, sleek or short-furred pure breed…_No_. That did not seem to capture the Tau'ri's personality sufficiently well, Thoth thought to himself.

No, the young man reminded him of a long-haired German Shepherd pup he had owned once, centuries ago - going against the Goa'uld trend for pet cats. It had been rambunctious, playful and very, _**very**_ intelligent - something that was so typical of Daniel Jackson!

The differences in the young archaeologist's reactions when compared with previous test subjects were quite telling. At no time during his internment had he shown any sign of full-blown anger, panic or fear. He had been alert, wary and mistrustful, but not intimidated by any of the threats - overt or subtle.

It was not that he couldn't understand the risks associated with being a captive of a Goa'uld lord - even one as non-violent as himself, Thoth thought dispassionately - it was more the case that he understood perfectly what could occur, but was prepared to face anything that could be thrown at him without yielding the slightest bit of ground!

It was a very impressive reaction indeed, the goa'uld scientist thought, and had it actually been his intent to break the young man and force him to divulge sensitive information, he might have had to wait a long, long time.

He moved closer to the observation room. "Dr. Jackson, would you like to see the results of our initial analyses? I promise they are truly fascinating!"

Daniel broke off from his latest argument with Seshat and turned to view the one he considered the greater threat.

He wasn't going to be fooled into complacency. The two Goa'uld scientists had an interesting _'good snake/bad snake'_ routine going, but _Thoth_ was quite possibly the most dangerous Goa'uld he had ever encountered, simply because he _did _seem so reasonable!

The longer he remained a captive of Thoth, the more difficult it became not to respond to him as if he was a fellow scientist or a mentor. And _that_ could allow him to relax his guard; something that was definitely _**not**_ acceptable!

"Dr Jackson?" the Goa'uld lord inquired with a raised eyebrow reminiscent of Teal'c.

"What? Um … Oh, yes! I'd be very interested in looking at the data. Do you have any information on the test subjects, so I have some sort of background reference to work with? _When_ precisely was the data collected, and what was the aim of that collection in the first place? Do you have any data on the tribal or clan they belonged to, and precisely what was their position in their community?"

Thoth smiled at the child-like enthusiasm that was forcing its way into the archaeologist's voice against his will. Such a _clever_ pet! Maybe while Daniel uploaded the archive information (which should take several hours), he could relax and 'evaluate' the latest _enhanced_ sleep memory downloads that Seshat was raving about.

He had to admit that the Tau'ri entertainment industry had come a _looong_ way from beating up the neighbouring tribes on a monthly basis, and Daniel's warped interpretations of his situation melded with those anthropomorphic animated representations was indeed a gold mine of entertainment to any millennia-old jaded being …!

_#_#_#_

Jack leaned against the door to the physics lab and just watched the scene unfolding before him. The atmosphere was tense, but charged with energy - both literally and metaphorically. He shook his head at himself. Better not think like that - too many polysyllabic words! Wouldn't do to overturn popular opinion!

He pushed off the doorframe and entered the lab to look over Sam's shoulder at the mess of wires, crystals and computer software littering her bench.

"What'cha doin' Carter? … _and_ … _Carter?_" he enquired with a quizzical expression on his face.

"Sir!"

"Jack", were the respective responses from the father and daughter team present.

"We're just putting the final touches on our … what did you call it, Dad? Hypernet link?"

"That's right, Sammy. The whole thing works in a similar manner to your _Facebook_ here on Earth, but on a much wider scale, of course. It also incorporates aspects of _YouTube_ as well, and Thoth is rumored to make a killing by charging a nominal fee for online services and access to his enormous databases. You'd love it, Sam! He has he most amazing collection of information! It would have to rival that of an Alteran repository - _and_ it has the benefit of not requiring the Ancient gene or of seriously rewiring your brains in the process!"

"Lemme get this straight," Jack interposed. "_**You**_, an '_unofficially retired'_ USAF General - now host to one of the Tok'ra senior citizens, routinely accesses the 'website' of one of _both_ your races' sworn enemies to gain information on how to best kill _his_ fellow snakes?!? - Am I the only one who finds this a little _strange_???"

Jacob threw him a 'get with the plot' look - one of the ones that always made him feel about as old as one of Hammond's granddaughters. Jack seriously _**hated**_ those looks!

- And why was it that none of the other members of SG-1 ever seemed to be the recipients of it!

"In the USA, Jack, we call this a _Free Market System_ - you remember - part and parcel of the _Capitalist_ System we embrace?!!! You really aren't so naïve as to believe that all _your_ purchased goods and services profit just us _'Good-Guys',_ are you?"

"Well, no … but, it's not the same thing…"

"So, Colonel, you are saying that it is acceptable to practice this system at home, while keeping 99.9 percent of your population in the dark about the intergalactic threat they are under every day of the year; but it is _**not**_ acceptable to use the system in place - whoever the providers might be - to keep that threat _away _from your unsuspecting public?" Selmac asked, heatedly.

"Well, when you put it that way…!"

Selmac just nodded.

"The whole system is run through a series of buffers and filters which serve to protect both the service provider and the purchaser. It is not usual for either party to know the real identity of the other - unless they have done business previously and/or corresponded on a personal level. The only reason we know about Thoth's site is because he does not actively _seek_ to hide his identity - he has no need to - _no-one_ could find him if he did not wish them to! In fact, there is a long-standing rumor doing the rounds that Thoth was the actual creator of _"Spacebook"_ to begin with, and that he uses the system as a wide-range research tool for assessing galactic behaviour and trends!"

"You're not serious!"

"I certainly am, Sammy," Jacob replied, taking over from his symbiote. "That goa'uld has his finger in more pies than anyone else in the known universe!"

"Well, as interesting as I'm sure this all is…"

"Yes, Jack. We are nearly done. We need probably another hour before we run a test on the upgrades."

"Good! I'll let the General in on the time frame, shall I?"

"Yes, Sir. We'll bring the interface up to the Control Room once we're done here", Sam added, as the Colonel waved a hand at them as he exited the lab.

"You know, Dad, if this site is as incredible as you've made it out to be, maybe we could use it to buy some obsolete tech to back-engineer! There are several bits of equipment I've seen used off-world that could be of real use to us here!"

"_Sammy…!_"

_#_#_#_

Thoth sighed with relief as he folded his long frame into the sumptuously appointed snake skin recliner in the dimly lit Observations lab. Dr Jackson had just fallen into a deep REM sleep after a particularly vigorous workout in the maze.

Despite their enhanced genetics, the mega-rats had not been able to catch the Tau'ri this time - which meant they would be even _more_ determined to win tomorrow - which in turn meant that Daniel would need all the sleep he could get!

Yet, it was _soooo_ tempting to see what his fertile imagination would conjure up with a bit of enhancement!

Thoth activated a control on his holographic, virtual console; a control which caused the release of a pre-determined amount of Seshat's specially blended gaseous mixture into Daniel's sleeping quarters.

He switched on the slowly revolving, psychedelic lights, put on the memory device and sipped his brightly coloured intoxicant from his hi-ball glass as he waited for the gas to take effect on the unsuspecting archaeologist.

_The lights slowly resolved themselves into a large black and white cat with Seshat's face, stalking a small but determined looking bird wearing a pair of large, round glasses and a bandana. The bird, for some reason, was _running_ through an upwardly angled maze, chased by two very large rats in serpent guard armour, and heading straight for the wide open mouth of the prone cat. _

Thoth observed the interaction of the characters with a small portion of his mind as he followed the unfolding story. Unseen, the monitor on the console began to beep, as the bird's heart-rate increased far beyond that of a human.

_"__Sufferin' __succotash__!" Seshat the cat exclaimed, as the bird flew swiftly just beyond the reach of her jaws. _

_The bird started chanting as it flew over the cat's head: "Seshat seizes cats by the sea shore. Le chats she scats are le shit for sure!", accompanied by a cacophonous wailing noise._

"_Oh, the shame of it all!" a miniature cat was saying, as it placed a brown paper bag over his head._

"…_Thoth!_ The alarm!", he heard Seshat yelling from a distance, as she ran towards him.

Turning to the console, Thoth threw a shocked look at the thrashing archaeologist and the irregular cardiac rhythms and other biometric parameters flashing up on the monitor screen.

"_**Oops!!"**_he said, cringing, as he frantically hit an array of buttons _…_

#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_


	13. Chapter 13

_Set: Season 4 _

_Disclaimer: SG1 belongs to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play with them for a short while (cries _

_forlornly into pillow)._

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 13:** Oops!

"_**Oops!!"**_

"Do not just _stand_ there, administer the epinephrine - try 20 units to start. He appears to be suffering an allergic reaction to something, or most probably, a combination of things. I will restrain him so he does not hurt himself", Seshat yelled as she sped into the Observation room, clad only in a short leopard print negligee.

Fingers flying over the buttons of his holographic tablet, Thoth suctioned out the remnants of the air-borne chemical mixture that had been administered to Daniel, whilst initiating the dose of stimulant via the small attachment on the Tau'ri's ankle.

"When you have done that, give me some assistance here," Seshat demanded as she fought to restrain the flailing arms of the archaeologist.

With two of them, Daniel was swiftly strapped down and attached to numerous additional monitoring devices, while Seshat placed a mouth-guard into position in the young Tau'ri's mouth to prevent a fit-induced biting of the tongue.

"Anaphylaxis, seizure or something else?" Thoth enquired softly of his wife as their remedial efforts appeared to bear fruit.

"Uncertain at this stage," she replied tersely. "Without full analysis of the readings before and during the attack I am unable to say."

She covered the patient with a warm blanket before turning on her subdued husband. "What were you thinking? It is too soon since both his previous dose of hallucinogens _and_ the maze to be administering further chemicals plus electro-stimulation to his system! His body is too stressed!"

She ran a hand soothingly down the covered leg of her patient. "You could have killed him tonight, Thoth! You forget that he is a mere human. They are too delicate to sustain the level of involvement we give to our Jaffa subjects!"

"I am sorry, My Sweet. I did not think that the standard cocktail of chemicals would be deleterious to him at this point. Rather, I thought he may be developing an immunity to the levels used. I was obviously seriously mistaken!"

Seshat ran her hands through her host's hair and sighed in relief as the monitors showed readings approaching normal once more. "Hopefully there has been no damage to his cerebral cortex or the chemical receptors in his brain. I would hate for us to be the cause of damage to his mind!"

Thoth shuddered, "Is that likely?"

"It is possible. I hope not, though."

"So what are your recommendations?"

"We should leave him to recuperate for at least the whole of tomorrow. I will keep him sedated and run a full diagnostic on the readings we obtained tonight. If necessary, I will carry out additional examinations of critical systems. With a lot of luck, he should be fine in a day or so."

Thoth gave a huge sigh of relief. "Well, maybe it is time we reconsidered our long term goals with

Dr. Jackson. We may just have to let him go."

"What about _G-Bay_?" Seshat inquired. "With the number of System Lords interested in gaining possession of him, we could recoup our purchase price easily."

"I have no wish to see him in the hands of Apophis or the other System Lords! We may as well kill him ourselves if we follow that option - it would certainly be quicker and less painful than the death that awaits him with any of the others!"

"What then?"

"Well, I know Zeus and Hera have been looking around for a trained human to act as translator on their off-world travels. It seems they have managed to pick up a few of Athena's old planetary systems at a bargain basement price! Most of the system lords cannot be bothered interacting with their subjects on a personal level, and Athena's systems have such a diverse ethnicity that it makes their administration … _difficult!_"

"So we just circumvent the _G-Bay_ protocols …"

"…and offer him a prime candidate whom we have personally sourced _specifically _for him …"

"…thereby earning for ourselves the gratitude of the Olympians, and a sizable amount of money to more than compensate us for our outlay! Ingenious, My Love!"

Thoth smiled briefly at the compliment before frowning once more.

"What is it Thothy?"

"I am just worried that once Hera sees him she will not be satisfied until she has him totally under her control!"

Seshat shivered, "And she is a Queen! Daniel has had problems with them in the past from which he has not full recovered. Too much of her 'tender care' will break his mind faster than any amount of torture!"

Thoth nodded, "It is even worse than that, though! Some of those Olympians, such as Eros and Ares, are … _indiscriminate_ … in their tastes. If Zeus grew to like him, he would be protected, but until such time he would be fair game for those with less scruples!"

"We must think further!", Seshat decided, drawing the strap of her sleepware back onto her shoulder as she flashed an look up at the Goa'uld lord from beneath her lashes.

"Indeed," said Thoth, as he caught her to him and commenced nibbling on her earlobe. "We should get on it right away … _after _we have performed a much more …_thorough_ investigation of your … _position_ … on the case!"

"Oh I am _all _in favour of comparing our relative positions …!"

_#_#_#_

Daniel floated on a sea of grey clouds, surrounded and encompassed by a thick, clinging mist. He was finding it hard to breath, though he seemed to remember being in much greater distress not that long ago.

Muffled voices were audible in his head. Muffled, but unintelligible.

He frowned as he tried to hear what they were saying and determine who they were. He had some vague feeling that all was not right in his world - his body ached, his brain felt heavy and _dumb_!

_I wonder if this is what Jack feels like…? _

There was something menacing about this place. No…more _foreboding_. As if it presaged change - for the worse!

_#_#_#_

"So! What? We just _wait_?" Jack snarled at Team Carter as they checked that their hypernet message had been received.

"Yes, Sir. We just wait."

"For how _long_, Carter?"

"Just as long as it takes, Jack! It's not like Thoth spends all his time checking his _Spacebook_ site just in case something important comes in! If he's like everyone else, he checks it a few times a week. If we're lucky, he's due to check it soon, if not, then we may have to wait up to a week or two for a response." Jacob replied.

"Two _weeks_! Do you have any _idea_ the things that could happen, have probably _already_ happened, to Daniel in that time!!"

"It's out of our hands, Jack, you stomping around snarling at anyone that looks at you is not going to make any of this go faster!"

"There has to be _something_ we can do?" he half pleaded.

"It's all up to Thoth now."

_#_#_#_

"Aldwin?"

"Yes, Anise?"

"Do you remember we were speaking, several months ago, about the Tau'ri scientist with the gift for languages and history?"

"Dr. Jackson?"

"Yes. I believe that is the one. Do you think he would be amenable to assist with us with the translation of the tablet we acquired from our operative in Cronus's ranks?"

"I am sure he would be interested in helping, Anise, but unfortunately, Dr. Jackson was captured several weeks ago by Thoth whilst on a mission with the rest of the Tau'ri group SG-1."

"They are the Tau'ri the System Lords have been so worried about?"

"That is correct."

"And they have not as yet recovered Dr. Jackson?"

"No. They are seeking a reply from Thoth via his _Spacebook_ site."

"I see!"

"May I ask why you have developed a sudden interest in _this_ Tau'ri?"

Anise looked furtively around the crystalline meeting room before continuing, "You are aware of my ongoing interest in the Ancient Ones?"

"Of course!"

"Well, several of my more … _unusual_ … pieces of the Ancient's technology have been purchased from a hypernet site known only to a select few in the galactic scientific community."

"Of what relevance is this to the Tau'ri, Anise?" Aldwin asked in bewilderment.

"The site is owned by Thoth, and most of the goods for purchase - or barter - come directly from him!"

Aldwin looked horrified. "You have been in 'select' correspondence with a _Goa'uld Lord_ behind our backs?!"

Anise scoffed, "It is not as if Thoth is a typical Goa'uld! He is older than most of them and sets himself above all the adolescent posturings of such as they! He is not in league with the System Lords, and he doesn't care who obtains his 'antiques' - as long as he can assure himself that they will be looked after."

"How could you go behind the backs of the Council in such a manner? You jeopardize our very existence by your intemperance! What if he has means to track your transaction details? Our base could be targeted at this very instant!"

"Oh, do not be so melodramatic, Aldwin! Anyone would think you were the _multi-millenogenarian_ and not Perseus! You are younger than that - even if you persist in acting older than Yu!"

"In any case," Anise continued, unperturbed by her companion's dismay, "we routinely use a public domain hypernet provider on a populated planet with no connection to us, and route the data stream through numerous randomly chosen star systems to confuse those seeking to trace the origin of such correspondences!"

She paused for a breath before continuing; "But, to return to our topic, we were browsing on-net this past few hours and in the course of our perusals, we noticed that Thoth has a 'special item' available for on-net bidding. It has been attracting a phenomenal amount of interest from a range of sites."

"What…?"

"The description of the 'goods' indicates that it is a:

"_Y__oung Tau'ri scholar, speaking numerous languages, phenomenal font of First World knowledge. Would make an ideal pet, or historical and recreational resource! Strictly one of a kind. Slightly damaged. Capable of adapting to suit numerous roles. Comes with a Certificate of Authenticity." _

_- _the picture of him is not bad, either!" she concluded in a slightly breathless voice.

Anise smirked at the look of shock on her fellow Tok'ra's face as she continued, "The bidding has already surpassed all previous records, and it is but three hours since the notice was posted!"

"Who is doing the bidding?" Aldwin inquired, curious despite his self-righteous anger.

Anise made a show of glancing down at her Palm Pod. "So far there have been large bids by four separate System Lords, two Goa'uld Queens, at least one Tollan, two _other_ Tok'ra that we are aware of, and several other unknown interested parties!"

"We must inform the Council and the SGC of this situation at once!"

"You must inform them that bidding ceases in twenty galactic standard hours from now. If they wish to bid, they must be quick!"

Aldwin made to move away, then stopped abruptly and turned back to Anise.

"What is _your_ interest in this matter, Anise? You are not usually given to altruism! At least not unless there is something of value for you at the end of it!"

"I believe you have been spending too much time in the presence of Jacob Carter and Selmak! You are much too cynical for a Tok'ra!"

"You have not answered us."

"Very well. Perhaps Dr. Jackson would be more inclined to participate in a Tau'ri-Tok'ra exchange program if he is indebted to us for his release!"

"_And_ …?"

"And we would not mind if we were required to spend _long_ hours in scientific research with Dr. Jackson."

"Both of you, or just Freya?"

"Does it matter?"

Aldwin sighed, "I suppose not. You were ever thus! I struggle to believe that we are of the same spawning! You manner at such times as these ill-becomes a Tok'ra! … I shall inform the Council," he added as he set off determinedly.

"At least, unlike you, I am not as mentally desiccated as one of Ra's mummies!" Anise muttered under her breath as she readjusted her extremely tight, low-cut bodice and returned to her lab to check on the state of the auction.

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_


	14. Chapter 14

_Set: Season 4 _

_Spoilers: None I can think of!!_

_Disclaimer: The Looney Tunes characters are the property of Warner Bros. SG1 & the SGC & sundry personnel belongs to MGM, Gekko and the _

_ actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow)._

_ The rest of the loonies are solely the fault of yours truly and are not intended to resemble any living person! - Well Duh!_

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 14:** Auction Stations!

Jack was waiting in the gate room about 10 seconds after the alarm sounded.

He wasn't quite sure _why_ he was there. It wasn't as if they were expecting any teams back, or any such thing.

He just knew he _had_ to be there.

So, he really _wasn't_ surprised when Aldwin exited the wormhole, a disturbed look on his 'snotty, uppity, _I have a terrible pain in my stomach and I think you caused it_' face.

"Aldwin! To what do we owe the pleasure?" he asked sarcastically.

Taking the comment at face value as usual, the Tok'ra replied, "I come from the Tok'ra High Council. We have important news for the SGC and for Selmak and Jacob."

"_Really?_ Ya don't say?"

Still trying desperately to get his head around the comment, Aldwin replied; "Yes, I do! May we discuss this in the Meeting room?"

"Yeah, sure, _why not_! Let's _kick_ this around a bit upstairs before I have to kick the whole _kit and caboodle _upstairs when General Hammond gets back tomorrow! Lead on, MacDuff!!"

At Aldwin's thoroughly confused expression, Jack smirked and indicated the stairs to the Briefing Room and let the Tok'ra operative lead the way…

_**Three point four minutes later …**_

"_**What!!?**#!"**_

Sam winced. Although she had been expecting it, given the state Aldwin was in, it was nevertheless a shock to the system when Jack let free his anger.

"Sir, I think we should prepare our own bid, just to be safe."

"Be safe, Carter? Be _safe_ about what? About the fact that Daniel is described as _"slightly damaged"? _Or how about the fact that he's being sold like a piece of secondhand furniture? Or maybe we should be _safe _about him being described as a **'**_**recreational resource??!!'**__"___he fumed.

"O'Neill!" Teal'c interjected firmly, "indulging your emotions will not assist us in our endeavours to extract DanielJackson from his present incarceration. Would it not be more prudent to conceive of a effective strategy for his retrieval?"

Jack felt like pulling another large tuft of hair from his head in frustration but, he was pleased to note, he managed to exude calm military behaviour instead! - At least, that's what he was aiming for with the rigid, skeletal-like 'smile' he plastered onto his face!

"_Okay!_ … So, kids," he said with a wave of his hand and grinding of teeth, "strategize! I have to contact the General and pass this up the line before we can resolve anything more. If you manage to come up with a cohesive plan before I'm through, it'll probably be easier to get the brass to swing a rescue!"

With that he stalked off to the General's office, leaving a small group of shaken human and Tok'ra, and one stoic Jaffa behind him.

"What _was_ that expression?" Major Feretti wondered aloud.

"It was scary!" Sam said with a shudder, as she watched the blank and bemused expressions from the others at the table.

"It was indeed, Major Carter" was the only response she got.

_#_#_#_

"I sincerely hope you know what it is you are doing, Thoth! If you do not wish Daniel to be obtained by other Goa'uld, why allow this charade of an auction to go ahead?"

"Because, My Sweet, if it all happens too easily, the Tau'ri will be on edge and therefore will be more prone to come in with all guns blazing - sensing a trap. This way, we make it seem as if we do not care who Daniel is purchased by, and then rig the results!"

"But why insist on all interested parties _viewing_ the 'merchandise' before submitting a final closed bid?"

"Curiousity!"

At Seshat's enquiring look, he continued.

"Alright! I will admit that I find myself bored with the mundane psychobabble and therapy of over-indulged pseudo-adolescent parasites! I wish to observe if the System Lords and others who have placed bids will be so bold or determined to obtain Dr. Jackson that they will attend with only a token guard and no obvious weapons! Only those seriously intent on having Daniel are likely to show, and it will allow me to observe a truly fascinating event with a breathtakingly antagonistic ensemble cast!!!"

Seshat gave a short bark of laughter. "You are going to use this as a sort of free-form dramatic puppet show, with you cast as the puppet master!"

"Of course! Who else would I have pulling the strings??"

"And what if the Tau'ri do not go along with your little entertainment? They are not noted for playing by Goa'uld rules!"

"I know for a fact that more than a few of the bidders are only interested in obtaining Dr. Jackson so that they may be the ones to return him to the SGC. Most of these have purely altruistic motives, but a few hope to curry favour with the 'new kids on the block' as the Tau'ri themselves put it!"

"So, no matter if the SGC send representatives or not …"

"Daniel will eventually find his way home to Earth!"

"I will miss him," Seshat admitted. "It has been most enjoyable to argue and debate with him; and his imagination - _especially _when under the influence of narcotics - is unparalleled!"

"Yes, indeed! Our philosophical discussions were completely enjoyable - one could say almost _sublime!_ I cannot remember the last time I enjoyed such a session, unless it was the time I managed to have a one-on-one discussion with Carl Jung! Ah, he was another such intellect! - So few and far between they are!"

"Not just among the Tau'ri! I cannot recall the last time we actually found a Goa'uld lord, let alone a _System _Lord who was of a superior intellectual capability! I realize they are but adolescents compared to us, but really they are a _most disappointing_ lot!!" Seshat retorted with a derisive snort.

"I agree, My Sweet! However, I have my eye on the one known as Ba'al. He is still consolidating his position amongst the other Goa'uld, but I believe he shows signs of having more natural wit and ability than the rest of them put together. It may take a few years, but it will be interesting to see what he makes of the Tau'ri and vice versa!"

He paused before continuing, "One day, I hope to do a full psychiatric profile on Daniel - if I can just get him to co-operate! He poses such an astounding opportunity to delve into the _'Nature vs Nurture'_ conundrum! Is his remarkable facility for lateral thinking a product of his inherited intelligence, or a result of the terrible alienation he suffered through in his formative years? And what, if any, affect did the genetic manipulation several thousand generations in his past have on the outcome?"

"Mayhaps he would consent to a series of in depth hyper-net questionaires?" Seshat added.

"Well, he may find the process somewhat cathartic, _should_ he be inclined to participate! And I could very well seal the 'great debate' on that subject, solely on the basis of his experiences! Add to that his personal observations looking back on that time, and a paper on that topic in the _Intergalactic Journal of Developmental Psyche_ could realistically become the _**definitive**_ work on the subject!!"

Thoth sighed. "I do wish we could keep him with us. I think that were the Tau'ri not engaged in battle with our species, an overture to him might have been considered seriously! As it stands, I doubt he will feel the slightest inclination to collaborate with us!"

"A plague on the System Lords and their petty squabbles! Life would be so much easier if they just learned to _**share**_ their planetary systems, instead of fighting to grab them all for themselves!"

"It is all about who has the better collection of stars … who has the largest fleet of Ha'taks … are star systems on the fringe of the Andromeda galaxy more strategically important than those in Centauri?"

"And if you have an entire _Sector_ of the Milky Way, how many taxes or tolls can you charge other sentients for traveling through it!"

"Yes! I absolutely abhor the fact that if you pass through the Santoris system you must pay for the use of the Space Hub! Cronus was not the one to set it up in the first place - he acquired it millennia after the Ancient ones abandoned it. It is unseemly, then, that he incarcerates those unable to pay!!"

"… unless you managed to procure one of the _'Get out of Hadante free'_ passes Apophis came up with a few years ago!!" added Seshat.

"The ones he charges a Jaffa's arm and leg for!"

"Absolutely!"

"Which is, of course, why the Tau'ri are so important! They sit at a Nexus between sectors. A Prime location! To control Earth and the Tau'ri is to control the flow of traffic and commerce through that sector of the Galaxy!"

"Which is _why_ the Asgard got off their anatomically impossible little butts and made Earth a '_Protected Planet' - _Most, if not all of the planets so named are to be found at a nexus!"

"It had _nothing_ to do with protecting the Tau'ri …"

"…And _everything_ to do with allowing _them_ free hyperspatial access lines through that region! It is saving them tonnes of Naquada and Credits in tolls and allowing _them_ to control the free-space terminals!"

Thoth sighed. "It is an old annoyance, this. One not likely to be resolved until millennia after we have finally entered the after-life!"

"Depressing to contemplate!"

"Indeed! Which is why I have decided to do more to make the Auction interesting!"

"_**More?**_"

"Just wait and see!", Thoth replied with a decisive smirk. "Just wait and see!"

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_


	15. Chapter 15

_Set: Season 4 _

_Spoilers: Forever in a Day_

_Disclaimer: SG1 & the SGC & sundry personnel belongs to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play _

_ with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow)._

_ The rest of the loonies are solely the fault of yours truly and are not intended to resemble any living person! - Well Duh!_

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 15: ****Tau'ri Rising**

Jack looked morosely around the large, spectacularly decorated plaza the Stargate had opened into and signaled to Feretti to deploy his men to guard access to the DHD.

"This is new!"

He pushed the brim of his hat up as he ran a gloved hand through his hair in agitation.

He hated this sort of mission! He wanted to charge in, all barrels blasting out bullets until every last snake and attendant Jaffa was dead!

But he had to curb his first instincts if he wanted to get Daniel back - whatever shape he was in!

"Holy Hannah!' he heard his 2-I-C exclaim as she gazed wide eyed at the crystalline arched bridge, seemingly suspended in mid air, that led from the island the Stargate was on to the mainland, which contained an impressive-looking crystalline Palace.

Sam waved her gun beneath the bridge 'supports'.

"Looking for wires, Carter?"

"Er, no Sir … Just checking to see if there are unseen pylons."

"I believe it works by means of an anti-gravity field, Major Carter. It is said that Thoth developed such anti-gravity devices several millennia ago."

"I wonder if Thoth would consider letting us buy a small device to back-engineer? This could give us just the impetus we need to get the Space Fleet off the ground."

"No, Carter."

"Sir?"

"No. We will not be asking for _anything_ from that snake! We do not deal with them under any circumstances! Is that understood?"

Although disappointed, Sam answered promptly, "Yes Sir!"

A finely robed attendant moved forward to them and bowed. "Sg-1, welcome to Libris. If you will follow me, I will escort you to your rooms where you may rest and refresh yourselves before the Auction."

"Yeah, well, we'd rather skip the suck-up job and get straight to the point. We want to see his Snakiness now, _before _this farce of an Auction takes place! We want our friend and nothing you can do or say is going to stop us from getting him back!!"

This forthright statement of intent might have carried more weight had Jack's P-90 and other weapons not chosen to disappear from his person the instant he set foot on the bridge.

"Hey!!"

Sam gasped as her weapons and those of Teal'c also vanished.

"Weapons are not permitted on Libris. Your honour guards may retain their weapons while they remain on the island. Yours will be returned to you when you leave," their attendant told them serenely.

Jack stopped still in the middle of the bridge.

"Well I'm staying _right here_ until I get them back, _now_!"

Their escort simply turned around to face them, replying; "Then you shall be unable to attend the Auction."

She turned and headed back in the direction of the Palace.

"Hey! I was still talking to you!!"

"Follow if you wish, or return from whence you came, it matters not to Lord Thoth."

Jack clenched his fists in an effort not to haul off and punch the arrogant serpent - lover.

"_Sir?"_ Sam said, a hint of desperation in her voice.

"You know, one of these days, I'm gonna get a collar for that boy that'll zap him whenever he gets more than 10 feet from wherever his nearest handler is!"

He stalked after the escort, still clenching his hands.

_#_#_#_

"Hello! Is anyone here?"

Daniel's voice and footsteps echoed in the grey, foggy expanse of space in which he found himself, though how he could hear an echo when there was nothing present for the sound waves to bounce off, he wasn't quite sure.

Footsteps echoing as if on a paved surface, Daniel moved forward towards an indistinct shape in the near distance.

As he came closer, it resolved into an ornate stone archway framing an intricately carved bronze door, (_circa_ 1000 AD, he thought to himself). The designs on its surface took on a soft blue glow at his approach and appeared to represent constellations, much as the Stargate did.

Seemingly in slow motion his hand reached out, of its own accord, and touched seven of the glyphs in succession, causing them to flare with an iridescent burst of light that felt as if it penetrated his very soul.

When it faded, Daniel found himself in an enormous room with a 30 ft high, hammer beam ceiling and the prevalent roiling grey mist. For as far as he could see, the stone walls were lined with bookcases containing thousands of tomes which he instinctively knew were rare and priceless.

A vague, squat shape could be made out in the middle distance.

Daniel moved towards it.

"Hello Daniel! Care for a snack?" Thoth inquired, offering Daniel a plate of smoked kippers on toast, whilst reclining in a comfy leather wing chair.

"_Er_ … _**No!**_ … What are you doing here - and where _**is**_ here anyway?"

Thoth raised an eyebrow as he waved his arm around him in a broad, all-encompassing gesture.

"Here?" he asked. "This is your mind, of course, and a very complex mind it is, too! Look at all the memories and knowledge neatly filed away ready to be accessed! I do not think I have ever visited such an organized ego or superego!"

Daniel frowned. "If it's _my _mind, why are _you_ in it?"

Thoth grinned. "Well there are a number of possible reasons for that. Your friend Janet could probably come up with a great deal more than I could, but _**I **_think the main possibilities are:

a) You are going mad _- (not the sort of option a person of your interests would like to contemplate, I _

_would imagine)__!_

b) I'm a figment of your over-taxed imagination - _(I'm not really here at all - again, disturbing!)_;

c) You invited me in - _(somehow)_;

d) I entered your mind without invitation - _(a bit rude perhaps, but there could be reasons); or_

e) We're not in your mind at all, you are somehow in mine!"

At Daniel's blank look of disbelief, he clarified with a sigh; "You have drawn deep within yourself, Daniel, in an attempt to weather your current problems."

"What problems?"

"You had a slight … _episode_ … six nights ago, and we almost lost you. We have put you into an induced coma to allow your body to recuperate, hence the weird ambience of this place!" Thoth replied, waving a hand at the cavernous library.

"That still doesn't explain you."

Thoth sighed. "Daniel, I am here to help you deal with and resolve everything that has happened since the Bounty Hunters captured you! Somewhere _deep_ in your sub-conscious, you accept the fact that I have no desire to harm you, and that unlike your Dr. McKenzie, I really _can_ understand and relate to what you as a person has had to deal with since you joined the SGC!"

"Yeah, Right! So are you _real_, or imaginary?"

"You are not going to give up on this until I give you a firm answer are you?"

"Nope!"

Thoth sighed. "I have a …device… which allows me to access dreams - similar to the one used to listen in to yours, but this is more of a visually interactive transmission device. It allows me to appear and interact with you."

"Mind Control?" Daniel asked indignantly.

"_**No!**_ I gain no benefit from controlling your mind! How could I analyse and discuss things fully and freely with you if I were controlling you?!"

"You're a _GOA'ULD! _Since when have you needed a reason?"

"Oh, now you have hurt my feelings, lumping me together with the System Lords! You have basically accused me of being an undisciplined toddler!"

"Shouldn't that be a tadpole?"

"Wrong species!" said Thoth with an annoying grin. "So! How are you feeling … _really?_ - Remember, from in here I can detect when you lie!"

"You can?" Daniel asked, curious despite himself, "How?"

"That light you have conveniently installed on the coffee table!"

Daniel looked in the direction indicated and was annoyed to see a pair of large lights fixed to the centre of a parquetry coffee table.

"That wasn't there before!"

"It only appeared when you thought about lying to me."

"No I didn't!" Daniel added, half as a test.

Thoth just raised an eyebrow as the red light strobed brightly for 10 seconds or so.

"If this is _my_ subconscious, why would I have such an inconvenient item here?"

"Probably because you are, at heart, a truthful person who only lies as a last resort; so on a subconscious level, you feel guilty about lying and that is what the lights indicate."

He paused before continuing, "From my perspective, it makes psychoanalysis _**so**_much easier!"

"I bet!"

The light strobed green.

Thoth smiled.

Daniel scowled.

The mist swirled.

_#_#_#_

Jack gazed around their quarters in quiet bemusement.

The room they were shown into was spacious, light and airy; quite unlike the Goa'uld décor they were used to. While Teal'c and Sam checked it out, Jack confronted their guide.

"So when do we get to meet _'His Beakiness'?_ You _did _say we could see him before the Auction, right?"

"That is correct."

"_So…?_"

The merest hint of annoyance flittered across the escort's face before she responded, just enough for Jack to give a self-satisfied smirk.

"I shall inform Lord Thoth of your request. Should he be willing to spare the time to speak with you, you shall be notified."

"Wait!" Sam called, "What time is the Auction scheduled for, exactly? The notice to attend only gave an arrival time, not a starting time!"

"Once all bidders have arrived, there will be a public viewing of the merchandise in the Rainbow Gallery, at which time you are welcome to ask questions of the Lord's representative and make your final closed bid. Further details may be found in the data pod on the table. Exact timings will be uploaded as they become available."

Their guide turned to leave, then paused and added, "I shall inform you of the result of your request for an audience once a decision has been made."

With a slight inclination of her head, she left the room, the door sliding shut behind them.

"_Public Viewing?!!?_" Jack asked.

His only response being a grimace from Sam and a raised eyebrow from Teal'c, Jack turned a critical eye on their surrounds.

"Well, _this_ is cosy."

"I do not agree, O'Neill. The room, while elegantly appointed, is not cosy!"

"It's a lot better than other Goa'uld places we've been," Sam added, picking up the Data Pod and scanning for information on the auction.

"I don't know, Carter. There seems to be something … _missing_ … from all this. _Wait_ a minute! … It's coming to me! … I know! … _**Gold!**_" he added with heavy sarcasm.

"Indeed! Never before have I seen such little ornamentation in the accommodations of a Goa'uld Lord."

"Oh, I don't think it lacks ornamentation Teal'c, Sir," Sam said. "It has an understated glamour to it - like one of those upscale five-star resorts. Everything here is the finest quality, just not too …"

"_Bling-y?"_

"Yes, Sir," Sam replied with a smile, "Not so blingy!"

_#_#_#_

Thoth smiled in contentment as he surveyed his surroundings.

Things had progressed well once Daniel had agreed to suspend his disbelief and just converse. They were now comfortably ensconced in matching wing chairs in front of an open fire, sipping on an incredibly good Port as they exchanged views on the current state of affairs amongst the System Lords.

Thoth had to admit that even in a comatose state, Daniel was amazingly good at saying much without revealing anything - though he _had_ allowed himself the luxury of talking through his past conflicts with psychiatrists!

Thoth shook his head. Either Tau'ri psychologists and psychiatrists had regressed in their abilities since his little vacation with Jung, or the SGC and other institutions from Daniel's past had really incompetent ones on staff!

"And how are you handling the death of your wife?" he asked, noting Daniel's sudden tension with much interest.

"I'm fine!"

"Have you had much discussion with your family on Abydos regarding what occurred and how _they_ are dealing with this?"

If anything, the tension increased as the mist seemed to thicken in Daniel's vicinity, almost as if he wanted to conceal himself. Or was it something else?

_Interesting! _Thoth thought to himself, _I wonder what is responsible for this reaction? _

"Does your Good Father fear that Apophis will seek revenge against the Abydonians in retaliation?"

"I'm sure my Father-in-Law has assistance from his extended family and community in dealing with his loss," Daniel replied stiffly, placing his port on the table and folding his arms tightly in front of him.

Thoth inclined his head to the side as he quietly studied his 'patient'. There was something going on here - something more than just unresolved grief. The coffee table lights alternated red and green flashes.

He smiled benignly at Daniel whilst mentally rubbing his hands together in glee.

He just _loved _a good mystery!

Just as he was about to dig further, an annoying alarm sounded in the 'space'.

"Oh dear! Would you look at the time! I had no idea it was so late. I will have to run. I have a very important meeting for which I cannot be late!"

Daniel stared bewildered at the Goa'uld Lord, half expecting him to sprout white ears, a waistcoat and a pocket watch before hopping off to meet the Queen of Hearts!

He just _HAD_ to get a life!

"_What_ was that?"

Thoth paused as he was about to leave the room, and turned back to Daniel, a serious expression on his face.

"That was my alarm. If all goes to plan, SG-1 should be taking you back to Earth soon, Daniel and I may not see or speak to you again before you leave. "

He paused.

"I have to say that I cannot remember when I last enjoyed myself to this extent! You have renewed my interest in philosophical discussion and the more transient things in life as no other has before. I only wish that we could have met under better circumstances. I think we would have found we have much in common."

He nodded his head at the coffee table.

"Should you ever feel like talking to someone about things which are not classified, you know how to reach me. My contact details are there. Call any time."

He looked long at Daniel, nodded his head and disappeared in a swirl of mist, leaving an open-mouthed Daniel in his wake.

"Now I _**know**_ I fell down a rabbit hole!" Daniel said as a cuckoo clock sounded off the hour.

_#_#_#_


	16. Chapter 16

_Set: Season 4 _

_Spoilers: None I can think of!_

_Disclaimer: SG1, the SGC & sundry personnel belong to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play _

_with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow)._

_The rest of the loonies are solely the fault of yours truly and are not intended to resemble any living person! - Well Duh!_

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 16:**

Thoth strode into his Libris office, sipping on a bottle of _Ibis-ade_, sports towel around his neck. He got so tired and thirsty after an in-brain consultation!

"What have you got for me, Eilain'ee?" he asked the tall young woman who had met SG-1.

She bowed her head slightly before addressing her god. "SG-1 are in their quarters and demanding to see you, My Lord." She frowned, "The Colonel is particularly obstreperous and uncouth!"

Thoth looked up at her from the paper he was reviewing, eyes glinting with amusement.

"I see! What has he done to offend your sensibilities, my dear?"

"He is so boorish! So much the oaf! How could he possibly lead humans such as Dr. Jackson and Major Carter? It is … _annoying_!" she finished, as if she couldn't find a word strong enough to describe her feelings.

"Well with luck you will not have to put up with him for too long. Have all the major bidders arrived yet?"

"Not as yet, My Lord. I shall inform you when they are all present in their allocated quarters."

"Do not forget to keep the Olympians away from the others, and do not place Apollo anywhere near his step-mother, or all Netu will break loose!"

Eilain'ee hesitated as she reached the door and turned half-way back into the room.

"What is it?" Thoth prompted as she just stood there nervously.

"I was wondering if we could have a little talk - _after_ the Auction, of course!"

Thoth looked up at her from under his brows. "About …?"

"You really do _not_ want to start this conversation now."

"Oh I think I do! I _know_ that tone of voice from millennia with your mother. What is this about?"

"… I have decided to join the Tok'ra."

Thoth sighed and ran his host's hand through his hair. "I thought you had given up on that idea?"

"No! _**I **_had not, _Kalemsie_ had!"

"And what _**does**_ your host have to say about your decision? This _is_ relevant to her as well, you realize?"

"She does not approve of the idea, Father. She feels they are too narrow minded and out-of-date to function efficiently in the modern universe! She thinks they are stagnant … 'stuffed-shirts'!"

"You have been listening in to the Tau'ri again, have you not? Your grammar and vocabulary is deteriorating!"

"This is serious! I _need_ to make a difference in the cosmos, have a meaningful role in life!"

"But you can _already_ do whatever the Tok'ra do - _without_ the need to live underground in drafty, sterile uncomfortable, artificial tunnels, under the unnecessarily fussy restrictions they bring to bear!"

"That's what Kalemsie says, but I want interaction with _other beings_ who think the way that I do! I was hoping that I could speak with some of the Tok'ra who will be attending the auction - get their first-hand point-of-view!"

"You don't find it hypocritical that representatives of the Tok'ra are bidding for the life of a young Tau'ri?"

"I am certain they would only bid for altruistic reasons!"

"This is about that Tok'ra boy who tried to infiltrate us, is it not? The one named Aldwin?"

Eilain'ee twisted a strand of her hair around her finger as she thought, "No. It is not just about him. He did not try to influence me at all. You _know_ this has been on my mind for the last seven hundred years!"

Thoth sighed deeply. "Well you were correct about one thing - this is not the time for such a discussion! I will try to sound out some of the Tok'ra representatives about how they deal with 'inductees' to their cause later. For now, call Seshat to me. I need to finalise some last minute changes."

Eilain'ee smiled. "Thank you Father. I shall send mother to you at once."

As she strode away from his office, Thoth lowered his head to his desk and moaned. Sometimes he wished he had normal, megalomaniacal offspring as his kin did. Life would be _soooo_ much easier!

_#_#_#_

Daniel was finally getting the knack of hanging out in his own subconscious, despite the slightly dizzy, and surreal feeling that prevailed.

It had taken him a while, but he now had the library properly decked out with deep comfy seats, potted plants, suitable reading lamps, hover vehicle for access to those hard to reach tomes, free-swimming, air breathing gold fish, sandalwood scented fog, and - for the truly decadent anthropologist - a personal spa pool with accoutrements!

A distinct advantage of 'living' in his own mind was that he could read these 'books' in the water without damaging them - while sipping Champagne cocktails and showing no signs of inebriation! He could also do all of this without getting a headache from not wearing his glasses for an extended period of time!

At the moment, he was luxuriating in the spa, paging through a detailed journal on his early life in Egypt, and reacquainting himself with the adventures of his childhood through fresh, adult eyes.

He could _soooo_ get use to this!

_Whoa, Daniel! That's seriously __**not**__ something you want to do! _He thought, shocked with himself. Getting trapped inside his brain could result in his demise as he became so lost in the past that he might never find the way back to his present!

The thought curtailed his relaxation and set him to thinking of ways to 'escape', if it became necessary.

He was so engrossed in his planning that he didn't notice Seshat until she gave a long wolf-whistle.

"If I had known you would be spending your time here _this_ way, Daniel, I would have joined you ages ago!"

She moved closer to the side of the transparent crystal spa, looking in unashamedly. "I must admit that this is the best view I have been privileged to behold in all my millennia in _in-brain_ research!!"

She pouted, "Pity about those bubbles though!"

The bubbles automatically multiplied significantly as Daniel stared at her while he slid further beneath the water, trying to ignore the strong blush relentlessly making its way across his neck and face.

"Something you want, Seshat, or are you just here to annoy me?" he snarked.

"As much fun as that would be, I came to … how _does_ your Colonel O'Neill so eloquently put it? … _oh yes_ …I have come to give you a 'heads up' on the situation as it stands!"

"What situation?" asked Daniel, abruptly sitting upright in the spa bath.

"_**The**_situation … _you_ … _your_ anticipated health problems … _your_ auction … your …"

"WAIT! W-w-what do you mean, my _Auction? __**What**_ auction?"

Seshat smirked at him, eyes drinking in his flustered appearance as she marshaled her thoughts. Obviously Thoth had not explained anything of relevance to Daniel - either that or he had been completely out of it when the information was passed on!

"Now why do you not remove yourself from the bath like a good boy, and I'll tell you all about it?" she purred, gesturing at the enormous bed which had appeared a short walk from the spa.

"You have _GOT_ to be kidding! There's no way in _**Hell **_I'm getting anywhere near that thing with you here!"

He stopped, puzzled, before continuing, "Anyway, I thought this was _my_ head and only I could influence what appeared in here?"

"I made a few modifications, especially for you!"

Seeing him still sitting there unmoving, Seshat shook her head in disbelief. "For a 'man-about-the-galaxy' such as yourself to be so naïve is actually strangely endearing!"

As Daniel 'thought' himself covered by khaki BDU pants as he stepped out of the spa bath, Seshat stalked with feline grace towards the bed and sat on the edge.

She beckoned to Daniel, patting the edge in invitation whilst adding; "Honestly, Daniel! Do you not think that if I _had_ intended to seduce you, nothing in the universe could have stopped me? I am a Goa'uld Queen! We do not require a _willing_ partner, as I am sure you remember from your encounter with Hathor!"

Daniel pulled his BDU jacket tightly around himself as he sat gingerly on the bed, about three feet from the Goa'uld.

"I'd rather not think about that, if it's all the same to you!" he replied in a sarcastic tone of voice.

"No, I suppose you would try to forget an encounter with her! That cow would be enough to put the most red-blooded males off the more _pleasant_ things in life in a permanent way!" she added with more than a touch of innuendo.

Daniel snorted as he swallowed back a laugh. "So what did you have to tell me that was so urgent; and what's this 'Auction' you mentioned before?"

"Ah yes! The Auction!" she paused a moment before continuing. "That is one of Thoth's little social interaction experiments! He plans to write you …er, that is, _**it**_ … up in one of the Galactic journals."

Staring suspiciously at his captor, Daniel asked, "What exactly is it that you are auctioning, by the way?"

Looking somewhat embarrassed, Seshat replied, "Well, Dr Jackson, that would be …you."

"_**Me!**_ What could _possibly_ give you the right to auction me off? And who would want to participate in such a thing in any case? Are you completely out of your mind??"

"Well, at the present I am - literally!" Seshat smirked at his agitation.

Seeing Daniel about to comment, she continued, "As to who would be interested, well we had to beat potential clients away from the door! You have _no_ idea the interest that Apophis's Bounty has generated in you! The number and diversity of beings interested in purchasing you is unprecedented in my experience of inter-species auctions!"

"_**Why?!**_ This is utterly obscene! I thought you had no intention of letting me go. Why the sudden sell out?"

"My dear boy! This is anything but a sell-out!" She thought for a moment, "Though it is a rather convoluted plan, I must admit! Hopefully by the end of tomorrow you will be back with your friends on your home world, and Thoth will have yet another exceptional set of data about antagonistic psychological, cultural and xenobiological interactions to publish."

She licked her lips as she contemplated the forth-coming mayhem. "It should be very interesting indeed!"

"However, I must warn you that you may experience a _slight _bit of physical and psychological discomfort which could manifest itself in a number of ways in this environment," she continued, with a sweep of her hand to indicate the pseudo-library.

"What do you mean?" Daniel asked, slowly.

"Well, some of the participants may wish to get 'up close and personal' with you."

At Daniel's puzzlement, she elaborated; "_Touchy-Feely_ I believe the term is on Earth."

"They're going to be pawing at me?! No way, _stop_ them! How can you _possibly_ allow that?!"

Seshat looked a bit abashed, but explained. "Well, all potential buyers are allowed by galactic law to fully inspect the merchandise - so long as it does not damage the goods."

Daniel started pacing agitatedly around in front of the bed.

"So I have to allow myself to be groped by some perverse … _beings_, just for the _chance_ of going home? - I don't think so!!"

"You do not have an option! You are currently in an induced coma. You cannot respond."

"And that makes it _soooo_ much better for me, does it???!" Daniel snarled. "Get me out of this coma then! I **will not** allow this to happen!"

"There is nothing you can do, Daniel. We cannot bring you out of the coma as yet, your future health may depend upon minimising that amount of unnecessary stimuli your brain is required to process."

"And being groped while trapped in my own consciousness is not stressful or stimulating I suppose?"

"Not to a dangerous degree, no."

"So what? I just have to lie back here, close my eyes and think of England?"

Seshat tilted her head. "I do not understand the reference."

Daniel ran his hand through his hair in agitation. _"**I don't care!**" _he yelled.

"Calm down, Daniel. All this agitation is bad for your health. Anyway, SG-1 will be there also. I do not see them standing by and allowing anything unseemly to occur to you!"

"Oh, of course _that _makes it all right!"

Seshat stood up. "It should. It should be reassuring to know that your friends - both Tau'ri and others - care enough for you that they are prepared to travel half way across the galaxy and deal - without overt hostility - with their enemies in order to secure your release!"

She sighed. "Look at it this way, it will all be over soon. Once you are back on Earth, this will be as a bad dream to you. In the mean time, I shall endeavour to ensure the more unsavoury clients maintain a suitable distance from you. That way, the majority of the 'groping', as you put it, will be to ascertain your physical state rather than anything gratuitous."

Daniel looked up from his self-hug.

"Thank You," he said, simply.

Seshat grinned. "You are most welcome! I would hate to see anything nasty happen to my favourite pet!"

Daniel gave an involuntary bark of amusement and shook his head.

"In some strange, masochistic way I'm going to miss this!"

"You _could_ stay! We would be happy to keep you!"

"No! No! I don't think so! I think I'll be happiest back where I belong."

"Then I will try to talk with you once more before you leave. If I cannot, I hope you have a good life Dr. Jackson. You deserve it!"

And with that, Daniel once again found himself alone in his mind, contemplating life, the universe and everything snakey.

_#_#_#_

The 'Cat's Cradle' Jack was making with his yo-yo fell into a tangled mess when there was a knock on the door to their suite, and Eilain'ee entered.

"Lord Thoth will see you now," she said, looking on impassively as Jack scrambled to his feet, stuffing the hopelessly knotted toy into one of his pockets.

She waited until the three members of SG-1 were standing, before turning and making her way from the room. As the team followed, three armed Jaffa fell into step behind them.

Jack scowled at them.

"What's with the escort? I thought we were 'honoured guests' of His Beakiness?"

Eilain'ee frowned, but kept facing the front as she replied, "You _are_ honoured guests, just not trusted ones!" she said with a pointed look at O'Neill.

Sam bit back a smile at the comment. "Does this mean all the participants for the Auction have arrived?"

Eilain'ee inclined her head regally, still not deigning to look at SG-1 as she replied, "It does. The official schedule will be available shortly. The details for both it and the Aperitifs will be ethered to your pod."

They stopped at huge double doors made entirely of Trinium.

"You will show due respect to your Host if you wish to participate in the bidding," she told them, facing them for the first time since they had left their chambers. "None of his staff or retainers will accept rudeness towards our Liege."

"Liege! Yeah, right!" Jack muttered under his breath, as he received matching glares from both Carter and Teal'c.

"We are here to procure Daniel Jackson, O'Neill, not to satisfy your need to antagonize the Goa'uld!" Teal'c chastised.

Jack ran a hand through his hair before responding. "Yeah, well, _when in Rome_…!"

Seeing Eilain'ee's bemusement, Carter clarified, "He agrees."

Eilain'ee nodded. "Good. Then enter with due humility."

She knocked sharply four times and the doors split open.

The Audience Hall might not have been the most ornate room they had ever seen in their off-world travels, but it certainly had to be one of the most beautiful!

It appeared to be made entirely of clear, uncoloured crystal, with trinium pendant lights and ornamentation. With the sunlight streaming in from the high windows, the effect was like that of standing inside a diamond, with rainbows of refracted light observable in every direction. Two large thirty feet tall palm trees flanked a throne made of what appeared to be silver and trinium, which was situated at the far end of the Hall. Upon it - resplendent in silver and black ceremonial robes - was Thoth.

"Well _this_ is different!" O'Neill commented, impressed despite himself.

"Oh wow!" said Carter, still gazing in amazement, "These columns are actually perfect equilateral triangular prisms! This whole room has intentionally been designed so that the light entering from the windows is refracted by the columns to disperse sunlight and form a rainbow. The trinium appears to interact with the crystals like a _metamaterial!_"

"And, so, therefore …?"

"Sir, it's possible that in some way, Thoth has worked the trinium and crystals together to create an enhanced sort of photonic crystal with a negative refractive index! I'd have to do a detailed analysis, but this combination could conceivably result in a previously unknown form of shielding against beaming technology, listening devices, communicators and all nature of other things! Sir, if I'm right, this could be a _**hugely**_ important breakthrough!" Carter concluded, practically bouncing on the spot.

"Does it have any relevance to our getting Daniel back?"

"No Sir, _but_ …"

"Then I don't want to hear about it, Major! Our first priority is Daniel, your curiosity can wait. He can't."

Carter was about to protest, but by this time they had reached the far end of the hall.

Thoth nodded, and the guards behind them pushed them to their knees on the thickly carpeted stone floor.

"What? No '_Bow before your god_'_???_" Jack sniped at the Goa'uld on the throne in front of them.

"I am not a god, Colonel O'Neill, although you _can_ call me 'god' if it makes you feel better! I am simply an extremely powerful, wealthy, wise _and_ intelligent hosted being who is used to getting his own way", the Goa'uld Lord said with more than a hint of amusement.

Jack rolled his eyes. "Oh wonderful! Sounds like the 'great and powerful Oz' to me - and we all know how that turned out!"

"If you wish the crystals to refract only emerald green light, O'Neill, let me know and I'll adjust them to your taste."

Sam and Teal'c shot surprised looks at each other as Jack just sighed and commented: "Oh Yeah! It's just our _luck_ to be 'guests' of a snake with a bad sense of humor!"

Thoth chuckled.

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**A/N: **_For anyone with more than Physics 101, I apologise for any gross inaccuracies in this chapter. But it is, after all, Science Fiction, and who knows what other 'impossibilities' or fractured earth physics millennia-old beings can work their way around!! __**:)**_

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_


	17. Chapter 17

_Set: Season 4 _

_Spoilers: None I can think of!_

_Disclaimer: SG1, the SGC & sundry personnel belong to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play _

_with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow)._

_The rest of the loonies are solely the fault of yours truly and are not intended to resemble any living person! - Well Duh!_

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 17:**

"So, Colonel O'Neill. Now that you are here, what can I do for you?" Thoth asked with an amused tilt of his head as he surveyed them.

"You could let us _up_, for starters!"

"But where is the fun in that? You so obviously expect to be forced to your knees in the presence of one of my kind, why would I seek to deny you that privilege?"

"Oh Yeah? Like you weren't gonna do that _'bang 'em on the back of the knees - wallop their heads until they kneel' _trick anyway!" Jack sniped back.

"Oh I would _never_ do anything so crude, Colonel! I leave that for my less … _civilized_ … kin, a number of whom you will be meeting before the day is out!"

He paused, head tilted as he surveyed the annoyed countenance of the Tau'ri leader. "You _do_ remember that it was _You _who demanded an audience with _me_, do you not?" He spread his arms out wide, brushing one of the fronds of the adjacent palm tree. "Well, here I am! For what reason did you wish to see me?"

As Jack gnashed his teeth in frustration, Sam whispered, "Sir? Do you want _me _to do the negotiating with him?"

Jack sighed dramatically before responding audibly, "No. I'll do the talking."

Still glaring at Thoth he continued; "So, Your Snakiness; what do you want in payment so that we can take Daniel away from here before this little travesty of an auction of yours takes place? Gold? Naquadah? A pound of flesh?"

Thoth smiled. "Ah, Shakespeare! Now _there_ was a Tau'ri truly worthy of Galactic acknowledgement! He had such a way with words, did he not?"

At the looks on the faces of SG-1 he grinned. "Not _all_ Goa'uld left Earth after the fall of Ra! Some of us even made repeat visits through the millennia. Your _'Renaissance'_ period was particularly edifying!"

"However, enough of the small talk! You want Dr Jackson, but are you prepared to pay the price? I have had more offers for that one young man than I have had for all the other items I have offered for sale in the past standard year! Some of my _current _guests have offered more than the equivalent value of your own little nation's GDP - and that is sight unseen! Once they have _seen_ what they are bidding for, the price will certainly increase markedly! So tell me, do you _really _think you can compete out here in the open market?"

Jack's heart plummeted at the realization of the cost of bidding against the Goa'uld. There had to be _something_ he could bargain with! Something the Goa'uld smirking at him would take in exchange for Daniel!

"Well, we may not be able to compete dollar for dollar, so to speak, but I'm sure we could come up with _something_ of mutual benefit! … Naquadah?"

"I have planets of it!"

"Commodities?... Textiles … Medicines … First Folios from old dead English playwrights?"

Thoth shrugged, "I am the 'father' of medicine on your planet, and have recourse to all the technology I want, to produce whatsoever I desire! I have _autographed copies_ of the books and plays I admire - Shakespeare, Marlowe, Chaucer, Wilkie Collins, Twain, Poe! In all honesty, I have a much better library of Tau'ri works than your most well-stocked facility on Earth!"

At the dawning despair on the faces of the Tau'ri in front of him, Thoth leaned forward on his throne.

"There may be one or two things you could provided to make up for your lack of monetary funds." He added, a decidedly worrisome amusement evident in his eyes.

"What?" snarled Jack.

Thoth leaned back. "I am uncertain if you would be prepared to meet my price, O'Neill!"

"Try me!"

"Well then; you did previously make mention of a _'Pound of Flesh'_ did you not?" Thoth grinned.

As Sam shot a horrified glance at him, Jack swallowed audibly.

_Oh Crap!_

_#_#_#_

Eilain'ee tried not to skip as she moved towards the chambers holding the Tok'ra attendees. _He HAD to be here! s_he thought to herself as she stopped at their door, running a hand nervously through her host's hair. Did he not feel the connection between them? Why had he not contacted her in the six months since they had first met?

She knocked firmly on the door, heart thumping wildly.

_Calm down! _Kalemsie scolded. _You'll only succeed in giving us a heart attack, and I'm way too young to die!_

_I cannot help it! What if he is not amongst those who are attending? I did not recognize his name on the list of attendees. I am certain mother would have prevented him from coming if she could!_

The sharp bark of laughter in the back of her host's consciousness took her by surprise.

Kalemsieattempted to roll her eyes, but as she was not in control of her body, she only succeeded in causing them to twitch suddenly in a rather disturbing manner.

_Honestly! He's a Tok'ra! He was on a mission when you met - he was probably not using his real name or identity! _

Eilain'ee frowned. _What are you implying? _

_I'm _more_ than implying that he may have been playing a part when you became friends. Try not to get your hopes up too much._

The door opened before Eilain'ee had the chance to reply. She found herself looking down into a face that reminded her of a Puffer Fish she had seen in one of her Father's zoological encyclopedia.

"Yes?" the oversized lips enquired of her.

She tore her gaze away from the face, eyes moving disdainfully down the curvaceous body in the one-size-too-small rubberized dress.

"I wish to enquire if Aldwin is present?"

One eyebrow raised itself from the mass of make-up that held it in place. "Yes,' came the brief answer. "And now that you know, you may leave us!" was the imperious response before the door began to close.

Sticking her foot firmly into the opening, Eilain'ee said, "That was _**not**_ a rhetorical question! I would speak with him if he is present!" She stepped into the room. "Take me to him! Now!"

Just as the Puffer fish looked to be readying its venom, an older man entered the room.

"Anise?"

The Puffer deflated somewhat before responding in a syrupy if decidedly husky voice, "The _help_ was enquiring after Aldwin. I was about to ask her to remove herself from our chambers."

The older man looked at Eilain'ee for a moment before calling over his shoulder, "Aldwin! There is someone here to speak with you."

As he walked out and surveyed the tableau before him, Aldwin suddenly wished he had pressing business elsewhere in the Galaxy … or maybe another Universe all together!

He could feel the panic setting in. There was Jacob/Selmak with a knowing smile turning up the corner of his/her mouth; Anise, looking like she had eaten something extremely sour for medicinal purposes, which had made her already large lips swell to balloon like proportions; and Eilain'ee, a Goa'uld, standing imperiously in the doorway, eye twitching manically, twisting a strand of her long dark hair around her finger at a furious rate.

Oh dear Egeria! What in the stars did I do to deserve this fate?

_#_#_#_

"So, Colonel, are you still willing to negotiate for young Dr Jackson's return?" Thoth asked, eyeing O'Neill in much the way an entomologist would eye a new species of cockroach.

Jack ground his teeth together in a (successful) attempt to prevent his mouth from shooting off! It wouldn't do to piss off the one person who controlled the fate of his friend. The same friend who wouldn't hesitate to agree to the ghoul's demands if it meant saving any member of SG-1, _hell_, or the whole of the SGC - from a similar fate!

"Come, Colonel! Surely it cannot be _that_ difficult for you? My research suggests that Dr Jackson has been prepared to die for both you _and_ his planet on many occasions previous to this point in time! Could it be that you lack his convictions?"

"For your information," Jack snapped at the infuriating snake in front of him, "Daniel's always been very good at _'playing dead'_! That doesn't mean he should have been playing it in the first place!"

He took a deep breath. "And secondly, if it were just _my_ health or well-being at stake here, I wouldn't hesitate to accept your _'suggestion'_ of a compromise! But it's not, and I don't trust you enough to agree to anything you're suggesting without a damn good reason!"

"Colonel!"

"O'Neill!"

At Jack's implacable expression, Teal'c uncharacteristically spoke directly to Thoth.

"Perhaps you would permit an exchange between Daniel Jackson and myself? Either for this '_pound of flesh'_ you are debating over or as a substitute … _'commodity'_ … for your clients."

Thoth sat back in his seat, an entranced look upon his face.

"This is certainly a singular occurrence! A First Prime sholva offering himself in place of an insignificant Tau'ri scientist? I thought your aim was to free all Jaffa from servitude? That cannot be achieved if I sell you back to Apophis for 'retraining' or a protracted death. Surely _your_ worth is much greater than that of one inexperienced Tau'ri?"

"It is not! Were it not for the acceptance and forgiveness of Daniel Jackson, I believe I would have sought an honourable death in atonement for the wrongs I have perpetrated upon him and on others. It is he who showed me that the true way to atonement for my past crimes is to assist in the elimination of the Goa'uld threat from our galaxy, as well as in seeking the freedom of all Jaffa."

Teal'c took a long breath as the rest of SG-1 stared at him, mouths open.

"I believe that were I to fall in battle, it will be through the actions of SG-1 and Daniel Jackson that my people and all those held in thrall to despots and false gods will find freedom!"

"Whoa, T! Where've you been storing all this stuff?"

Teal'c turned his head to acknowledge Jack's question.

"I have given the matter much consideration, O'Neill, and I am of the conclusion that the single most important person in the fight against the Goa'uld is Daniel Jackson."

"How can you say that, Teal'c, with all the effort the SGC puts into countering the Goa'uld presence? What makes Daniel more special than the Colonel, or the General or any of the SG teams?"

"Because, Major Carter, though the Tau'ri fight for physical freedom for the people encountered in our explorations, once your aid has diminished, these same people must come to terms with the sometimes harsh changes in their circumstances."

He paused to consider his words before continuing. "Daniel Jackson, however, engages their hearts _and_ minds through his impassioned words and actions, emboldening them to pursue truth and freedom. From him they gain the courage to stand firm and spread the fight against the goa'uld. Without him, the actions of the SGC would be but a temporary set-back for the goa'uld. It is _he _who ensures that the fight to overthrow the false gods gains in momentum in the peoples of this galaxy; _not_ the SGC's military action or rhetoric."

In the silence that followed, Thoth watched the three people before him carefully. Whilst Teal'c looked resigned to whatever followed, O'Neill looked pensive and Carter looked disturbed - as if something had shaken her faith in the military system of which she was so solidly a part.

Nodding his head firmly, Thoth signaled to his attendants.

"Very well. It seems we have grounds for a negotiated release of Dr. Jackson. You should sit now. I will have some refreshments brought in while you settle."

As Teal'c and Sam looked at each other in bemusement, then behind them to find three plush chairs and a coffee table had appeared at some point, Jack continued his war of wills with Thoth.

"Now wait just a minute! I never said Teal'c had my permission to sacrifice himself - even for Daniel! If anyone is going to be sacrificed, it's me!"

He then proceeded to look puzzled at the way that statement turned out.

Thoth smiled, "I thought you refused, Colonel?"

"Did I _say_ that? No! No I didn't! I just hadn't finished my 'negotiations' yet!"

"Hmmm. And you Major? Are you equally prepared to offer yourself in place of your teammate?"

Carter hesitated before replying. "As long as it doesn't compromise Earth security, and as long as the rest of the team are not captured or harmed in any way, then yes."

Thoth tilted his head as he stared intently at Sam, "_Anything?_" he queried pointedly.

Sam gulped as she stomped on her brain for bringing forward numerous fates that were 'worse than death'.

"Yes!" she stated strongly.

Thoth smiled widely, but without malice, then gestured to an attendant.

"You are not sitting, Colonel! I know your name is O'_Neill, _but that doesn't mean you have to remain in supplication before me when I do not require it; flattering though it may be!" the Goa'uld Lord smirked.

"Yeah, well it wouldn't surprise me if you'd put whoopee cushions on the seat which were primed to deliver an electric shock!"

"Your teammates are both seated without ill effect!"

Jack grumbled as he hauled himself into the comfortable chair, "They're just too trusting!"

"Tea?" Thoth inquired of them. "It is a fine leaf Chinese green tea - a special blend of Lord Yu's. I find it especially refreshing for situations such as these. Relaxes the nerves and stimulates the brain!" he added, taking a deep sip, an expression of bliss on his face.

Jack lifted his fine bone china cup suspiciously. "So. What _is_ it you want, exactly?"

Thoth leaned back in his throne, tenting his fingers. "Releasing Dr Jackson prior to the auction will be virtually impossible now that all the guests have arrived. _If_ you decide to accept my terms, you will collect Daniel afterwards. Irrespective of the actual bids, I shall find that the Tau'ri have entered the highest offer. You will receive Daniel once _all_ my payments have been met!"

"What _are_ your demands?"

"Oh, Colonel O'Neill! These are not demands, just trifles I desire in compensation for the loss of a prized possession!"

"_Tomato, tomarto_! What is it, beaky?"

"Very well!" he replied, counting off on his fingers:

"**1.** Twenty standard bars of weapons-grade Naquadah_ - for starters._ _One can never have too much petty cash on hand!_

**2.** A complete set of Jane Austen novels_ - __First Edition, of course__!_

**3.** The complete back catalogue of Warner Bros. Looney Tunes animations - _I __**am**__ correct in assuming that they have neglected to take out a Galactic copyright? The royalties for the copyright alone should significantly offset my costs! _

**4.** And two copies of each of the 'Movies' I believe you refer to them, listed below …!"

Jack ran his finger down the rather eclectic list, mumbling under his breath: "'_Wizard of Oz'_; … '_Rambo' Parts 1 - __**50**__?; … 'Gone with the Wind'? … 'Dirty Harry'? ... 'The Usual Suspects' … The complete 'Star Wars' box set … 'Gladiator' … 'Harry Potter' box set …'Aliens' et al, (_excluding _No. 4)! … 'Porky's'? … __**'Lassie Come Home'**__ ?... _You have _**got**_ to be kidding me!"

"On the contrary, Colonel O'Neill, I have never been more serious in my life! I find that I have been quite remiss in neglecting my study of the Tau'ri for so long, and now I feel the need to delve deeper into the current population's collective psyche!"

"And you're gonna do _that_ by looking at _those_ movies?"

"Certainly, O'Neill! That, _**plus**_ my metaphysical 'pound of flesh': a full 2 hour, '_access all areas'_ psychological consultation with you!"

"_Are you out of your cold-blooded, snakey little mind!_" Jack hollered. "There is absolutely **no way** I will let you anywhere near me, let alone my brain!"

"Come now, Colonel. It is but a small price to pay for the return of your friend is it not?"

"I don't call twenty bars of naquadah - weapons grade or otherwise - a _small _price! And I place a great deal more value on my sanity than that! Uh, Uh! Nope! Not happening!"

"Then I am afraid that by this evening Daniel will be in the hands of one of the Olympian Goa'ulds - and even _you_ should be aware of the implications of that!"

"Olympian Goa'ulds? You mean the Greek gods?" Sam inquired.

"_False gods_, Major Carter - Zeus, Hera, Apollo, Athena and others. They are not known to treat their slaves well. And that is what Daniel Jackson will be - a slave for whatever _short_ time remains to him once he is in their power!"

Jack gulped. "They can't be any worse than this lot!" he stated, "_Can _they?" he added as he saw the look of utter seriousness on Teal'c's face.

"I believe orgies did not originate with the Romans, O'Neill; rather with the Goa'ulds who adopted the Greek pantheon!"

"Sir, it is widely known that a number of the Olympian gods, um, '_batted for both sides_' so to speak! _Plus_ they had a particular interest in good looking young men!" Sam swallowed nervously. "Daniel is _exactly_ the type they would … _er_… appreciate! _**Fully**__!_"

When he didn't respond, she added: "This is for Daniel, Sir!"

Jack ran his hand through his hair in agitation.

"Fine! You can have half the naquadah now, and the other half plus me once this farce is over!"

"_All_ the naquadah now, your consultation after the auction and Daniel once you have left and have forwarded the remainder of my payment!" Thoth countered.

"_How_ is that a compromise? How can we know you'll release Daniel after you have what you want?"

"I give you my word."

"Yeah, right! The word of a snake!"

"Take it or _leave Daniel_." Thoth reminded Jack mildly.

"What choice do we have?" Jack asked in rhetorical exasperation.

"Absolutely none!" stated Thoth with barely concealed glee. "But now that I have thought more on the subject, I do feel that 2 hours with the Colonel would be over-kill!"

"_Yes!_"

Thoth smirked, "I would much prefer one hour with each of the three of you - to round off my collection, so to speak!"

"NO!"

"I think not, Thoth!"

"Uh, uh, uh, kids! Suck it up! Remember, _this_ is for _**Daniel**__!_" Jack added both pointedly and sarcastically as he surprised himself in an exchange of amused looks with the Goa'uld lord.

"_Indeed!_" agreed Thoth, beaming in delight.

_#_#_#_#_#_


	18. Chapter 18

_Set: Season 4 _

_Spoilers: Hathor (minor)_

_Disclaimer: SG1, the SGC & sundry personnel belong to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play __with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow). The Looney Tunes characters are the property of Warner Bros._

_The rest of the loonies are solely the fault of yours truly and are not intended to resemble any living person! - Well Duh!_

_**Warning:**__ Minor suggestions of child abuse._

_**A/N: **__So…!_

_I've given in to the inevitable and changed the rating for this chapter. I don't _think _it needs it, but the line between __K+ and T can be somewhat blurry where innuendo is concerned, and it gets to be so tiresome trying to keep it at __a suitably discrete level! __**: )**_

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 18: **Who let the Goa'ulds Out?

Daniel rubbed his eyes wearily. Despite not needing glasses when reading his own mind, his eyes still hurt if he was at it for too long!

He lovingly ran a hand across the softly embossed, kid leather _Book of Memories_ he had removed from the uppermost shelf. It had been tucked away in a dusty, hard to access corner, blending with the darkness - almost as though he had not wanted to retrieve the contents buried within.

But he was nothing if not stubborn!

He had set himself the goal of searching out all those hidden memories of lost loved ones - his year with Sha're, his early life in Egypt - things he would probably never be able to access again once he was back on Earth.

He had rediscovered memories he never even knew existed.

The sound of his mother singing. His father's laugh. An image of his grandmother from shortly before she died - he must have been only fifteen months old then!

"_Hey, What's up Doc? Ya'r supposed ta be relaxin', not makin' yourself sick! C'mon! Sit back an' smell da roses!"_

Daniel snapped his head around in surprise to find the rabbit, wearing a heavily embroidered smoking jacket, reclining in one of the leather armchairs, brandy balloon in one hand, carrot in the other.

"I thought you disappeared with the narcotics they were giving me?" he said with a frown. "What are you doing _here_?"

"_Naaaaaaa! Ya don' get ridda __**me**__ dat easily, Doc! Besoides, this sect'n is all ta do with ya choildhood, and ya could say that __**I **__represent dat part of your loife! - Tink o' me as da _'Toon of Memories Past!'_ "_

"I never saw cartoons while we lived in Egypt, so why do you represent that time?"

"_Seems ya subconscious's kinda worried ya'd get upset at some o' ya memories! I'm here ta remind ya dat everthin' woiked out okay before, so don' fixate on whatever happened, already!"_

"_Why?_ What is it I might get worried about?"

"_Well … coicumstances being as they are, 'Sid & Egor' are of da opinion some __**unwanted**__ memories moight be triggered!"_

"Sid? Egor?"

"_Yer Psyche, Doc"! _

"Oh well! That makes everything _**sooo **_much clearer!"

"_Sid - ya __**ID **__- da unconscious or more primitive part of yer psyche, and __**Ego**__ - da part_ _containing consciousness and memory and involved with control, planning, and conforming to reality."_

"'Cos I'm doing _**so**_ well with that _reality_ part, aren't I?" Daniel snarked, eyebrows raised in mocking emphasis.

Rolling his eyes at the sarcasm, Bugs continued, _"It_ _seems dare was dis time when ya was five or so, when ya got lost in da Ol' Souk in Cairo fer several hours. Ya got picked up by some … nefarious 'traders' - ya bein' a cute li'l blond with big blue eyes an' all!" Bugs replied batting his eyelashes in a flirtatious manner. "Yer parents were frantic ta find ya! Had da police called in too!"_

"What happened?" Daniel asked, nervously fingering the pages of the book in his arms.

"_Weeeell," the rabbit said, eying Daniel shrewdly, "I tink I'll just give ya da outline. If ya reeeally wanna, ya can read da rest in dat book!" _

He paused before continuing,_ "They eventually found ya tucked away in an ol' house near da souk. Da bad guys had drugged ya and changed ya inta traditional middle-eastern cloithes. They was dyin' ya hair black when they was caught! Ya said ya didn' remember anything 'cept bein' grabbed, but yer parents believed dare was a lot more dat you weren't sayin'!"_

"_Ya parents didn' let ya outta their sight for more'n five seconds after dat! __**Dat's**__ when ya started hangin' out _full time_ at da digs."_

Daniel sat down in the other chair, worrying the edges of the book. "I remember a _bit_ from back then. My hair stayed black for quite a while - until it was long enough to be cut out. My mother hated it!"

He stared down at the book in his lap, unsure if he wanted to open up what had been so effectively locked away.

"So you're saying that those memories are within this book, along with all the other ones I was trying to access?"

"_Dat's roight, Doc!"_

"So if I choose to access these early memories of my parents in Egypt, I'll also be accessing my memories of _that_ time?"

"_Got it in one, Doc!"_

Taking a deep breath, Daniel re-opened the book, reading steadily through the memories until he suddenly stiffened and looked up at his 'companion'.

"Huh! … I always knew there had to be another reason Hathor bothered me as much as she did!" He sighed tiredly, "Guess I now know why."

"_Ya know what happened wasn't_ _quite da same as what happened with dat cow, dontcha, Doc?"_

"Yeah."

"_But ya know if ya need ta talk about it, I'm here fer ya, right Doc?"_

Daniel snorted back an ironic laugh, "What? I'm going to be psychoanalysed by an illusory, animated, anthropomorphic figment of my subconscious mind?"

"_Ya see anyone else here, Doc?"_

"Are you sure I'm stuck in _**my**_ subconscious, and not Jack O'Neill's?"

"_Whatever woiks for ya, Doc!"_

"Oh _Gott in Himmel!_"

_#_#_#_

"Hera! _Dahrling!_ So _wonderful_ to see you looking so _well_!"

Seshat oozed false sincerity as she and Hera shared an air-kiss. "Is that a new drape style to your chiton? It looks wonderful, so _slimming_! I hear your new palace is coming along well, are you looking for the perfect eye-candy as trimming? How _did_ you find out about our little auction?" Seshat asked through a tight smile.

"Seshat, my dear", purred the elegant woman in the Grecian attire. "Such a _long_ time since we caught up! I thought you were going to keep me informed if any suitably … talented … candidates for the position of my assistant came along? This one is just stunning!" She ran well manicured nails sharply over the merchandise, closely watching her hostess for a reaction.

She eyed Seshat slyly as she leaned in closer to whisper, "Tell me, can you give me a _personal_ critique of his abilities? I would so _hate_ to spend a small fortune on someone who was not … _up … _to scratch?" She smiled sweetly as she turned and made her way towards the refreshments.

"Old phony!" Seshat grumbled to Thoth as he wandered up to her. "She carries on in public like she is the monogamous, innocent party in that alliance, yet I know for a fact that she has had nearly as many _'friends'_ as Zeus has had! The number of young slaves she has turned into inanimate objects just on suspicion of hanky-panky with him would completely furnish that over-decorated palace of theirs! And she has _definitely_ got her eye on Daniel now - she has a 'thing' for blue eyes! Did you _see_ the way she was checking out his …um…_muscle_ density - _tactilely?_"

As Hera moved further off into the crowd, Thoth spoke sharply, "I think we may have miscalculated where Zeus is concerned, also."

"How is that, My Love?"

"It seems he has re-discovered his 'appreciation' for good-looking young men since Hera 'accidentally' turned Ganymede into an amphora!"

"You do not mean that he too is taken with Daniel, do you?"

"I am afraid so! The only thing stopping him from taking him now is the fact that I have placed my strongest protective fields on him, and for all Zeus's vaunted powers, he has _never_ been able to break one of my protections!"

Thoth paused before continuing. "It does not help that Daniel is of similar colouring to Ganymede, and in my opinion is _much_ better looking!"

"How _did_ they find out about the auction? I thought we were not going to let them know about Daniel?"

"We did not. I think Cronus must have told them about his participation, and Hera must have been curious! Honestly, if I did not know otherwise, I would think _she_ was the cat amongst the ibises, rather than Bastet! That creature has more curiosity than an entire cattery!"

Seshat suddenly hissed savagely, and grabbing Thoth by the arm, snarled in a harsh aside, "What is _that_ _**cow**_ doing here!"

Thoth turned carefully to look in the direction Seshat was staring.

"Now, now, My Sweet! Just because Ihy is Hathor's son, does not mean he is a cow - _or_ calf, really! His father _is_ Her'ur! - Which would make him half cow-half falcon!"

"A _very_ overweight, flabby falcon he would be too! I doubt if _that one_ would _ever _make it off the ground!"

She sniffed derisively, "_And,_ he seems to have picked up more than a few of his mother's proclivities by the look of it!"

"Including an interest in Daniel Jackson, it would seem! I always thought he took more than a passing interest in same gender acrobatics!"

"Thothy, this is getting to be very serious! How are we going to explain SG-1 outbidding the other goa'uld, let alone _all_ the other bidders?"

"We will not attempt to explain! I have discussed the proceedings with the Tau'ri. They will give the impression that they are bidding high. Hopefully Zeus _et al_ will never find out that it was the Tau'ri who "won" the auction!"

"We _may _need to allow for a 'distraction' of sorts - if the Olympians get too disgruntled! You _know_ how snarky they get if they cannot have their own way!"

"Hmmm … Well I was hoping to hold onto the bottles of vintage _Babylonian _we picked up from Ba'al the other month, but maybe we could interest them in a one-off _Only for You _offer of a bottle? We know Ba'al hates to sell to any of them after that last System grab of Hera's a millennium ago!"

"And Zeus's re-birthday is coming up soon! It is indeed the ideal gift for him!"

"Perhaps three exclusive bottles - available only to Hera?"

"At a healthy profit, of course!"

"_Oh No!_ I think the _fattened calf_ is headed our way!"

"Just smile sweetly, My Love, and think of a Veal Scallopini! He is definitely too thick to be able to tell when you are faking!" Thoth said, plastering a smile upon his face.

_#_#_#_

Daniel frowned.

The last thing he remembered was having a rather surreal discussion on the human psyche with an imaginary personification of that very same, very determined part of his brain.

Next, he had 'woken up' to find himself lying in a completely dark section of his 'library', on an ornate, obviously Goa'uld-designed crystal display table, dressed in something only a Goa'uld could think would be comfortable.

Trouble was, he had no recollection ever falling asleep, let alone getting changed into _very_ clingy, turquoise coloured, silk pajamas! - Not while still trapped in his own subconscious, at least!

The other disturbing thing was the faint memory of the 'dream' he had been having before he awoke; one that brought back _way _too many memories of Hathor.

Listening intently, he thought he could hear very familiar music playing in the background and the sounds of a party or soiree of some sort.

He stiffened abruptly as he 'felt' someone run a hand firmly down along the inside of his thigh in a **_way_** too familiar manner for his peace of mind!

He could feel his heart rate pick up dramatically as the hand slowly, intimately, started to move back up his leg, only to stop suddenly, almost as though it had met a barrier of some sort.

He released the breath he had been holding. At least Seshat seemed to have kept her word on that aspect of the 'Auction'!

Now, if only he could enter a state of deep meditation, he might be able to ride out whatever was happening to him outside …!

_#_#_#_

Jack stopped dead in disbelief as SG-1 entered the Gallery to the sound of familiar orchestral music.

There were a _**lot**_ of 'people' in there, all sipping their favourite poison, gossiping about the other attendees! And if beak-boy was telling the truth, _all_ of them were there to 'bid' on Daniel!

"_Oy vey!_ It looks like snake Mardi Gras in here!"

Sam bit back a nervous smile as she glanced down at the Data Pod.

"_**Holy Hannah!**_ … Sir, the information for the Auction is now on the pod. _Um_…Do you _want_ the details?"

"Go ahead, Carter. Show me!"

Sam cleared her throat nervously, knowing the likely outcome.

"_Exclusive to Libris Incorporated:_

_For the serious, __**mature**__ collector:_

_**The Libris 'Galactic Scholars Collection'**_

_. . . _

_From the _'First World'_ of Human species development - __**Earth**__ - comes this prime example of Tau'ri scholarship!_

_Highly desirable Young Tau'ri scholar, Male. Speaks in excess of 25 languages - Tau'rien and galactic. _

_Currently holds Position __**No.2**__ on the _Galactic Bounty Hunters_**Most Wanted**__ list._

_Ranks at 99__th__ Percentile on Standard Galactic IQ test!_

_Phenomenal font of First World knowledge._

_Low relationship mileage!_

_Would make an ideal pet, or historical and recreational resource!_

_Capable of adapting to suit numerous roles._

_Suitable as Live subject or Specimen in Status Field._

_Strictly one of a kind. Slightly damaged. _

_Comes with __**Certificate of Authenticity**_

_An outstanding addition to __**any**__ inter-species collection!_

_**Product Features:**_

_One of a kind Crystal Display Case._

_Fully articulated, poseable Tau'ri Scholar: 'Daniel Jackson', c.1970 (Tau'ri Calendar.)_

_Height:1.3 galactic mean; Eyes: blue; Hair: light brown; Physical Condition Rating: A_

_Dressed in Universal Galactic Genovian Silk Scholar's Uniform with gold buttons and black kid slippers._

_Comes complete with traditional Tau'ri 'Camouflage' Combat gear, SG-1 & Tau'ri patches, corrective lenses and __authentic Tau'ri accessories, including primitive Communication Device, Mission Journals, and 'Snack' Bars._

_Authenticated, Framed copy of his current '__**Most Wanted' **__Bounty Poster._

_Libris certified '_Fitness and Intellectual Assessment' _Data._

_Optional Extras Include__: Collector Cards of other 3 SG-1 members, other Tau'ri SGC teams._

_Additional outfits: 'Bad Boy Leathers', 'Slave Boy', 'Goa'uld System Lord - 'Ra' c.10,000 BCE (Tau'ri)_

_The Daniel Jackson Exercise Video (inc. shower scenes!)_

_Complete set of "The History of the First World - Tau'ri" by Lord Thoth, with a special edition Forward by Dr. Daniel Jackson, PhD, PhD, PhD._

_This item __**will **__be sold to the Highest Bidder._

_Bidding is by secret ballot, and will start at 10 bars Weapons grade Naquadah, or equivalent."_

Sam watched as Jack's face took on a deeper and deeper shade of red as he progressed through the auction information. If he had been a teapot, she was sure he would have boiled over a long time ago!

Just when it appeared as if he would lose track of why they were here and haul off and _**kill **_their host with his bare hands, he set his jaw, shoved his clenched fists deep into his jacket pockets and calmly turned towards her.

"Carter," he said somehow without moving his jaws, "head over there and make nice with your Dad and the other Tok'ra. See what you can find out about the rest of these snakes."

Sam nodded and moved calmly through the room.

"T, take up a position near Daniel. Any one of those snakes even so much as _looks_ like they want to 'play' with him, let alone get too personal, you have my orders to do something damaging to them - of a permanent nature! Just be …_subtle_…about it! I'll head back towards you after checking out the other 'guests', particularly that Asgard that keeps trying to avoid eye contact with me!"

Teal'c inclined his head and made his stately yet deadly way across the room to the crystalline display table upon which Daniel was lying, secretly impressed by the way Jack had not lost his temper. He vowed to himself that none of the false gods would lay another finger upon his friend and teammate, on peril of severe pain and possible dismemberment!

_#_#_#_


	19. Chapter 19

_Set: Season 4 _

_Spoilers: Hathor (minor) _

_Disclaimer: SG1, the SGC & sundry personnel belong to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play _

_with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow). The Looney Tunes characters are the property of Warner Bros._

_The rest of the loonies are solely the fault of yours truly and are not intended to resemble any living person! - Well Duh!_

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 19: **

Jack O'Neill was not happy.

In fact, he was so far from happy that his trigger finger was involuntarily twitching every time he viewed the other 'guests' at Thoth's little shindig!

He felt naked without his P-90, especially when surrounded by creatures who would like nothing better than to cremate him with a look!

He sighed.

Loki, the Asgard hiding out amongst the taller participants had been very reluctant to talk to him - almost shifty in fact, especially when he had asked if Thor knew of his presence at the auction!

Jack never knew those little grey feet could move so quickly!

He'd had a bit of mild amusement watching Aldwin edge his way nervously around the chamber, trying to avoid close contact with the determined young woman who had shown the team to their room. If Jack didn't know better, he would swear the usually cool, stoic and unimaginative Tok'ra operative was sweating!

He ran his hand through his hair in agitation, as he stopped next to Teal'c within eyesight of Daniel's table.

"Oh look! It is the 'Who is Who' of the _Tau'ri Appreciation Society!_ … Or should that be the IDJAS?" a husky, sarcastic female voice said from his other side.

At Jack's look of befuddlement, she elaborated: "The _Intergalactic __**Daniel Jackson**__ Appreciation Society!_"

Jack glanced again at the tall woman - er, _snake_ - in the slinky leopard print dress standing next to him and responded, "And _you_ might be …?"

"Seshat." Teal'c replied stoically.

Seshat nodded her acknowledgement with a crooked smile. "Teal'c. It has been quite a long time. How _is_ life without your god?"

"Apophis is not my god, as you know well, Seshat. Life is good. I am free, as soon all my fellow Jaffa will be also!"

"A noble sentiment, if somewhat overly optimistic! Poetic too! Not all Goa'uld lords are as easy to shake off as Apophis, however. Freedom for all Jaffa will not be a simple or a quick task!"

"Indeed. But it is one worth the effort."

Jack glared at the exotically dressed, curvaceous woman beside him. "So you're the one responsible for this whole mess?"

"I would hardly call it a mess, Colonel! A carefully executed scientific analysis, maybe, but a _mess_? Never!" Seshat contradicted with a smirk.

"See, that's where I disagree! If you hadn't taken Daniel away from _his_ research on Melth'm, we wouldn't be here!" Jack added with an expansive, emphatic wave of his hand.

"Ah, but then you would have missed out on the singular charm of this gathering!" Seshat smirked. "Look at them! A veritable smorgasbord of the advanced races of the galaxy! Where _else_ would you ever see such a novel and charming sight?"

"Yeah, right! Just tell me what _**possible**_ charm can you find in watching the '_Phantom of the Opera'_ over there, clash costumes with '_Priscilla, Queen of the 'Tutti-Fruiti' __**Dessert**_ '!"

Seshat followed O'Neill's gaze and burst into laughter.

"Colonel O'Neill! Surely even _you_ must acknowledge how humorous it is watching Apophis and Zipacna attempt to converse without gutting each other?"

"Well, sorta! But I'd rather just grab Daniel and get the hell outta Dodge!"

"Ah! The Tau'ri knight strives to abscond with his loyal but danger-prone Squire!"

"Well, you know us 'knights' have a duty to rescue Daniels in Distress!"

Seshat smiled and looked as though she was about to reply when something at a distance from them caused her to suddenly frown deeply.

"Colonel, you and Teal'c had best get over there," she indicated Daniel's display case. "Ihy is not the sort of Goa'uld I would want young Daniel to _play_ with!"

"_Who_-he?"

"Ihy! Son of Hathor and Her'ur."

"Oy! You mean that chubby, overly made-up young bald guy?"

"That is he! His, er, _appetites_ are well known, and let us just say that once he has regurgitated his 'left-overs', there is not much left of them to salvage!"

Jack glared at his hostess.

"Then _why _in the name of all that is _civilized_ is he _**at**_ this thing?" he yelled in an undertone as they made their way through the crowd towards the mesmerized Goa'uld standing by Daniel.

"He invited himself! And as this was not a restricted showing, we had no recourse but to allow him to participate - even if his prior bid was too low to qualify! The most worrisome thing is, now that he has _seen_ Daniel, he has the means to be a serious bidder!"

As they approached, Seshat plastered a wide smile upon her face, ready to greet her guest.

"Ihy! It has been too long!" she said, holding out her hand for the flabby snake to kiss.

"My Dear, Sweet, Lady Seshat! You look no older now than when I last saw you, several centuries ago!" he said, placing a delicate kiss on her fingers, whilst managing to look like he had just been poisoned. "I see your taste in all things remains as _exquisite_ as ever!"

He brushed his hand across Daniel's chest in a _way_ too familiar fashion.

Jack scowled and Teal'c growled menacingly as the Goa'uld glanced up at Seshat's companions for the first time.

Ihy ran his gaze up and down Jack's figure, licking his lips.

"_Ooh!_ He has an _older_ brother!" he lisped in fascination, eyeing O'Neill in a worrying fashion.

O'Neill and Seshat exchanged glances, both mouthing the word: _"Brother?"_ as the goa'uld continued his bargaining spiel.

"Throw _him_ in with the boy, and I will give you _**triple**_ whatever the highest bid is!"

"Now wait just a minute there, _Ikky!_ Neither Daniel nor myself are going _anywhere_ with you! Nope! Never! Nada! _**Not **_gonna happen!"

"_**Four**_ times the highest bid! - _Five_ if you include that tall sholva brute of a guard!" Ihy added, batting his eyelashes at the Jaffa.

Teal'c frowned forbiddingly at the effete snake, looming over him in something more than just a threat.

Seshat frowned. "I do not make it a habit of selling my _clients_, Ihy! You would do well to remember what happened the last time your _mother_ attempted to take that which did not belong to her!"

The Goa'uld lord scowled. "I thought it was agreed to move past that, Seshat! I would be within my rights to seek your demise for that insult to our mother!"

"Oh Yeah?" Jack interposed. "Then what would you do if I told you that _we," _he indicated the three men of SG-1 with his finger, "were responsible for the death the old cow!"

Ihy lost his fake smile to glare dangerously at the Tau'ri leader.

"And what would _**you**_ say if _I_ told you that the capture, 'sampling' and - ultimately - slow death by torture of my Mother's _Beloved_ would be just the _start _of my revenge against the Tau'ri?"

"Over my dead body, Ikky!"

The Goa'uld smiled menacingly at Jack, adding with no trace of his former affectations, "I intend to take a great deal of time, not to mention pleasure, in reducing Daniel Jackson to a whimpering, broken shell only interested in pleasing his Master. I will then delight in inflicting upon him the most painful of imaginable tortures! I may even document and record the 'lessons'! It will make a good training video for my brothers - _'How to destroy the Tau'ri'_. Or I may decide to see how long I can 'teach' him, how much he will endure before he begs for death!"

He licked his lips obscenely at the prospect. "But do not worry O'Neill! I shall endeavour to return him to Earth alive - at least for a sufficient length of time for you to see how far he has fallen! And who knows, if your medicine has advanced sufficiently, you may be able to heal his _physical_ wounds, and then _**you**_ too may experience personally how good a _lap dog_ he has become - before his inevitable death, that is! Ultimately, you may thank me for it!"

Ihy squeezed Daniel's thigh in a proprietary manner, ring endowed chubby fingers digging firmly into his flesh.

"Yes. I shall derive enormous satisfaction from my training and taming of the scholar. What my mother failed to achieve, I _will_ do!"

"Why you slimy, decomposing mass of putrid snake guts! I'll pulverise you into snake oil before I …"

Jack spluttered to a halt as Teal'c enveloped him from behind in a bear hug which made it next to impossible to draw breath.

Seshat glowered at the goa'uld before her, guards instantly arriving at her side in response to her subtle signal.

"You shall leave our presence, Ihy, never to return. For should I set my eyes upon you again, I will tear you to pieces with my bare hands and eat the remains! You have once more shown to the galaxy your inability to raise your consciousness from the level of the primordial waters of our species! Be thankful that your trespass upon our hospitality does not result in your slow and agonized death!"

At her nod, the guards dragged the squirming, ranting Goa'uld out of the otherwise quiet room.

'My apologies, Colonel O'Neill. Ihy and his like should never have been permitted entry to our abode!"

Jack snarled at his hostess, "Well I don't see much of a difference between that piece of garbage and some of the others here!" he snapped, with a pointed look at Apophis.

Seshat sighed. "We had an agreement with Apophis which predated our acquisition of Dr Jackson! At that point, we had no idea we would grow to have affection for him. Believe me, we would no sooner release Daniel to him as we would to Ihy!"

"Yeah, right!"

"Sir? What happened?"

Jack turned to see a worried Sam and Jacob standing to his right.

Sighing, he ran a hand distractedly through his short hair. "Seshat here, was just explaining to us how Ihy was _sooo_ different to the other snakes present, weren't you?"

Seshat and Sam stared at each other with instant antagonism, both sweeping their gazes up and down the other in sneering distaste.

'Major Carter, I assume?" Seshat asked in a sickly sweet tone of voice.

Sam raised an eyebrow, a-la Teal'c, "And you would be the one who subjected Daniel to all manners of indignities, am I right?"

Seshat smiled knowingly. "Oh, I do not think I have managed _**all **_manner of indignities as yet. Perhaps you would care to join me in _completing_ my 'education' in all things Daniel? We _had_ at one point thought of indulging in a little bit of, _how_ should I put it? …_Tau'ri breeding_ … but good pedigree breeding stock is _sooooo_ hard to find these days! We were so keen, we _even_ considered you - for a _short_ while at least! But your intellectual capacity is just so far beneath _Dear_ Daniel's that we decided to shelve the entire program!"

"_Sammy!_" Jacob warned as Sam's fists clenched with an involuntary need to punch the living daylights out of the Goa'uld, eyes blazing with an anger stronger than any either Jack or Jacob had seen her exhibit before.

"Indeed Major Carter, I would not expect such intemperance of you!" a new voice added, much to Jacob's obvious displeasure, "Your father has spoken much of your cool analytical ability, not of your rash emotions."

At Sam's frighteningly cold expression, Jacob added hastily, "Sam - Anise of the Tok'ra, Anise - _Major_ Samantha Carter of SG-1. It was Anise who drew our attention to this Auction."

Rolling her eyes at the appearance of the Tok'ra in front of her, Sam replied "I'm _**sure**_ she did!"

"What exactly are you implying?" Anise growled.

At Jacob's pointed look, Sam replied in a more temperate voice, "Nothing beyond the obvious! Why? Do you have a guilty conscience?"

"Look! As _interesting_ as all this is, do you think we could get down to essentials here?" Jack interrupted the developing three-way cat fight to point out.

"Sorry Sir!" Sam managed to force out between gnashing her teeth.

"Indeed!" Seshat smirked, with a nod at the podium. "It would seem that Thoth is about to commence this evening's events!"

Jack sidled up to Jacob while the others were distracted. "Jake, we _can_ count on the Tok'ra to join us in getting Daniel back?"

"Whatever is within our means, Jack. The Tok'ra consider Danny to be an important part of the fight against the Goa'uld. To lose him would be a major set-back for all of us!"

At Jack's suspicious look, Jacob continued, "Garshaw holds the purse, Jack, but I believe we can cover you for an additional seventeen bars of Naquadah."

Jack blew a silent whistle, "Hopefully we don't need it. We have ten bars, plus sundry items we know are of interest to Thoth, with your Naquadah we should be able to counter any moves the Goa'ulds come up with! We'll pay you guys back as soon as the General gets approval from Washington."

"Shouldn't be a problem, Jack. I'll just see if I can get Garshaw over here so we can co-ordinate our actions," Jacob added before moving off to talk to the Tok'ra delegation leader.

Jack frowned as Teal'c moved over to join him, eyebrow raised.

"Do you not feel it, O'Neill?"

"What T?" Jack asked as he scanned the crowd, a frown furrowing his forehead.

"I believe you would call it a 'squirrelly' feeling."

"You too, huh? Yeah! Something is definitely off, and it isn't the canapés!"

Teal'c stared at the ceiling, a puzzled look on his face. "I do not find anything particularly perturbing about the roof, O'Neill!"

Jack stared at the confused Jaffa blankly as his brain tried to unscramble the comment. This stuff was so much easier when Daniel was around to do the work!

"_Roof_, T?"

"Indeed, O'Neill. This canopy appears to be exceedingly well constructed!"

Jack stared up in the direction his friend was looking, then back to the plate of appetizers in his hand before staring back at the large Jaffa who was still gazing at the ceiling in bewilderment.

"Oh fer cryin' out loud!"

_#_#_#_

It was the sharp, stabbing pain that drew Daniel back from the pleasantly mellow meditative state he had finally achieved.

He tried vainly to focus his mind, but was having an increasing difficult time concentrating.

An icy cold sensation was making its way up his leg and through his body, numbing all sensation and causing his breathing to slow dramatically.

Panic set in at the prospect of a slow suffocation due to the paralysis of the muscles controlling his diaphragm; but relentlessly, the drug continued its insidious spread until eventually, even his furiously beating heart, began to falter…

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_


	20. Chapter 20

_Set: Season 4 _

_Spoilers: None_

_Disclaimer: SG1, the SGC & sundry personnel belong to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play _

_ with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow). The Looney Tunes characters are the property of Warner Bros._

_ The rest of the loonies are solely the fault of yours truly and are not intended to resemble any living person! - Well Duh!_

_#_#_#_

**A/N: **Thank you to all who have reviewed or commented on the last few chapters. I haven't had the chance to reply recently (real life can

be such a drag!), but I appreciate any feedback I receive. Cheers!

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 20: **

"… median level equivalent of twelve bars of Naquadah. This unfortunately eliminates the following interested parties: Lord Zipacna … System Lord Apollo … System Lord Cronus … Lord Zaryn … Garshaw of the Tok'ra … Sigyn of the Asgard … "

Jack tuned out the drone of Seshat's voice as he surveyed the losing bidders in the crystal lit room. Garshaw looked resigned - you couldn't tell that she was planning to pass the Tok'ra's available cash onto the SGC team! _Damn, but that snake would have made a great poker player!_

Cronus and Zipacna looked incensed - _Thoth would have to do some serious smoothing of 'feathers' there_ - Apollo was pouting - _didn't do much for his Porn Star appearance!_ - and Apophis was looking decidedly smug - _which was majorly worrisome!_

_Let's see … who did that leave in the bidding war…? Apophis - the 'Snake-in-the-Iron-Mask', Anise of the bee-stung lips, Loki - the Asgard coward, Hera and Zeus - who he guessed were after a __**biddable**__ third for a permanent '_ménage-a-trois'_ - good luck with that - NOT! … Nirrti of the biological hocus pocus, and SG-1- 'galloping' at snails pace steadfastly to the rescue! - Yeah right! _

_Jeez Louise! How much __**longer**__ was this gonna to take?_

Daniel's holographic twin was suspended above the display case in the middle of the room, wearing sweat dampened exercise gear, standing with hands on hips, arguing with someone outside the range of the image. It seemed so solid that Jack felt he could grab Daniel and make a run for it back to Earth leaving the snakes to find some other poor sucker for their 'games'!

"Holy Hannah!" Sam exclaimed, almost salivating at the holographic image - and not _just_ because of the technology; "Daniel looks almost good enough to eat!"

Jack slid a disgruntled look at his 2-I-C. She wasn't the only one licking their lips at the sight of the archaeologist. He'd seen Anise staring fixated at Daniel for a while now, and several of the Goa'ulds were showing an unhealthy level of 'personal' interest!

"Then we'd better not let this video fall into the hands of Janet's nurses, or he'll never make it out of the Infirmary alive again! '_Death by frenzied Nurse_' or _'Daniel does Defib.'!_ That'll be a new one for the medical journals!"

"You know, Sir, this hologram is much more realistic than the Asgard holograms we've come across on Cimmeria before. There are no fluctuations in the projected image nor does it have that translucent appearance we've seen before! If we had this as a diagnostic tool for use in flight simulators, as crash test 'dummies' or for medical procedures and such, who knows the number of lives it could save!"

"No Carter! Not interested! His Beakiness probably stole the technology from the little grey guys, anyway. You'll have to find some other way to reverse-engineer the process. I want as little to do with Thoth and his toys as possible!"

"But Sir, what of our 'Standing Orders' to acquire new technology of benefit to the planet? If Thoth is willing to deal for some of this technology it would go a long way to appeasing those in the Pentagon who want to undermine the Program!"

"NO! As far as I'm concerned, dealing with the snake who captured Daniel is the same as if we were dealing with kidnappers or terrorists at home! The Government's policy is that we DO NOT Negotiate! - Even if we are, _currently_, participating in an auction with the Goa'uld concerned," he added somewhat sheepishly.

Carter back down reluctantly as Jack continued; "What's your take on Henna, Zoos, Nerdy and Loopy? Do you think they have the resources to keep matching bids with Apophis?" He leaned in closer. "And what's Anise's game? I thought the Tok'ra were on our side?"

As Sam struggled to make sense of O'Neill's corruption of the other bidder's names, Jacob leaned in from her other side. "I don't know about the others, Jack, but Anise has always run her own game with her science budget."

"Well, why is she continuing to bid against us?"

"Probably to disguise the fact that we are actually working _together_ to purchase the merchandise, Colonel O'Neill." Anise replied from behind his shoulder.

"Is that so? And I suppose your _enthusiasm_ when evaluating 'The Merchandise' - better known as _**Doctor **_Daniel Jackson,by the way__- was just for show as well?"

"Of course! Freya and I would never do anything to compromise Dr Jackson's safe acquisition and return to your planet!"

At Jack's questioning look, Jacob replied, "Freya has been Anise's host for the last seventy Earth years."

"She doesn't dress like she's over ninety years old," Jack said as he eyed the Tok'ra scientist suspiciously.

"No. Just like a ninety year old escapee from a bordello!" Carter muttered under her breath.

Anise's lips seemed to inflate along with her indignation. "My host came from a society where the human body was not covered up and disguised in a show of false modesty! Her taste in clothes is a compromise between her need for freedom and the Tok'ra need for decorum."

"Looks like Freya's winning there!" Jack observed sarcastically.

A suppressed snigger from behind him drew Jack's attention to the tall young woman who had been their liaison since their arrival. Her expression swiftly returned to placid, but not before he'd seen a more than slight hint of deep, malicious amusement.

Anise stared at her imperiously. "What is it you want, Eilain'ee?"

"Anise! You should show a bit of civility towards our newest recruit!" Garshaw admonished. "Do you wish to speak with us child?"

Smirking at Anise's discomfort, Eilain'ee bowed slightly to the Tok'ra Council Member before saying, "I merely wished to inform the Colonel and those remaining, that the next round of bids will be due in five standard minutes."

"Thank you. Please tell your mother that we shall relay the information to those still bidding."

As Eilain'ee headed back in the direction of Aldwin, Jack turned to Garshaw in surprise. "Wait! She's _Thoth's _daughter?"

"Indeed, Colonel. She is, I believe, his youngest and most headstrong offspring."

"And she wants to become a _Tok'ra_? What does Beaky think of that?"

Garshaw looked down her nose at the boorish Tau'ri, "He is resigned to the fact."

"Resigned? That's it? Ya sure he's not using her as a snoop to find out how you guys are hangin' at present?"

Jacob stepped in quickly, interpreting the O'Neill-isms for the frowning Councilor, "Thoth has never taken sides in Goa'uld-Tok'ra affairs in the past, and we won't be allowing Eilain'ee access to our main bases until we are completely sure she is not being spied on by her parents. After all, they are in the information dissemination business!"

"Yeah right!"

He glanced over in passing at the Goa'uld 'girl', and saw her stop abruptly and look intently at her wrist, before changing direction and heading at almost a run towards Thoth. He frowned at her sudden change in demeanour, wondering at the cause.

"Sir?" Carter said moving up between them, "It's time to place the next bid," she added, gesturing to the Data Pod in her hand.

Jack rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to reply, when thick crystal bars dropped suddenly into place around the Daniel Diorama, excluding the participants from approaching closer than twenty feet from the case.

Several Jaffa swarmed into the chamber taking up positions around the room and the table. The sound of strident alarms could be heard above the noise from the attendees.

"What the crap…?" Jack snarled.

"It's the same sort of metamaterial we saw in the Audience chamber, Sir, only this seems to act as a conduit for some sort of electrical charge!"

Jack swung an arm at the nearest bar, only to have it repelled sharply, resulting in a sharp pain and electrical sizzle which caused the hair from wrist to elbow to stand up in disordered ranks.

"_Ouch!_"

"That was not wise, O'Neill."

"Ya think?"

"This field is similar to that used in the Goa'uld Ha'tak vessels to secure prisoners while in transit."

"And, so, therefore…?"

"It is impervious to blunt force as well as to projectile and energy weapons. Only one such as Seshat who possesses the correct energy signature may penetrate the barrier without unlocking it."

Jack raised both eyebrows in question, "What makes you think Seshat can move through?"

Teal'c raised an eyebrow in reply, "Because she has entered the field, O'Neill!" he added, inclining his head to indicate the action going on behind Jack's back.

Jack swung around to see that in the time it had taken for him to question Teal'c, a flurry of activity had been initiated within the confines of the bars.

Seshat, Eilain'ee and several other people were huddled around the display table, entering a biometric code of some sort into the control panel. An air of quiet urgency defined their actions, and the fact that the urgency had something to do with his archaeologist more than worried Jack - as did the number of strange devices and monitors that suddenly attached themselves to Daniel.

From the look of things, Seshat wasn't very happy with whatever was happening either.

"Sir!" Carter drew his attention back to the front of the room as Apophis strode forwards to confront Thoth.

"What is the meaning of this! I demand to know what manner of games you are playing, Thoth! Do you believe that we would be foolish enough to purchase your damaged goods?"

Thoth leaned back nonchalantly in his throne, seemingly oblivious to the drama unfolding elsewhere in the room.

"You do yourself an injustice, Apep. I would believe you capable of _anything_ to which you set your mind!" Thoth added with a poker face.

Jack swallowed a snort of amusement at the sequence of looks on their oldest enemy's face as he slowly came to appreciate the subtlety of the insult dealt him.

As the anger built in the System Lord before him, Thoth continued; "If you had troubled yourself to read the information stream which predated this assembly, you would be aware that it mentioned the fact that the goods were 'slightly damaged'".

He waved his arm in the direction of the display table, "I believe this is but a minor inconvenience which shall be rectified before long. If you no longer wish to continue bidding for Daniel Jackson, I will of course completely understand!"

"I too am in doubt about the validity of this auction!" Hera stated, moving forward. "What manner of ailment plagues the boy and what guarantee do we have that it can be fixed to our satisfaction?"

"What ails him is of no concern to anyone but the successful bidder, to whom I shall, of course, elaborate on what requires 'fixing' and how best to achieve this."

Jack moved as though to confront Thoth, but stopped as Teal'c placed a firm hand on his arm, holding him still.

"Do not, O'Neill! I believe this to be, in part, a ploy of Thoth's to discourage the Goa'uld bidders."

"What? Daniel's _not_ really in trouble?"

"That I do not know. However, this does not mean that Thoth's actions are not beneficial to our cause!"

Jack ran a hand through his hair. "OK. But I want it on record that I don't like it. Not one little bit!"

Seshat suddenly walked through the bars of the enclosure, heading to her husband. They engaged in a flurry of conversation which left Thoth frowning and staring out at the participants in a dangerous manner.

"Who has so abused our hospitality and integrity as to stoop to the poisoning of a person under our protection?" he thundered.

Jack shot a quick glance over at Daniel as the room exploded into a buzz of agitated conversation.

"Oh, Daniel!" Sam muttered under her breath, coming to the same conclusion as her C.O.

"Oy! Thoth! What are you doing to fix _this_!" Jack yelled as he struggled with Teal'c to get at the Goa'uld Lord.

"SILENCE!"

The roar from Seshat quieted the room as Thoth stood up and paced towards the people on the floor of the chamber.

"A poison was administered to Dr. Jackson some time in the last hour. It is of goa'uld manufacture and only available from the System Lord whose denizens manufacture it. Without adequate or rapid response, it will kill the victim through a combination of semi-paralysis, and if the antidote is not administered within 12 hours, the corrosive degradation of the vascular system and internal organs, starting nearest the point of initial contact."

He paused and looked straight at SG-1. "As there are a number of variants of the poison, we require a sample of the actual administered dose to effect treatment within the necessary timeframe."

Nirrti stepped towards Thoth. "You cannot possibly be suggesting that one of us would sabotage this Auction? What would be the purpose in so doing?"

Seshat spoke up, addressing the assembled 'guests'. "You _may_ have wanted to prevent Dr Jackson's acquisition by some other party, or you _may_ have wished to kill him rather than allowing him to be obtained by any of the remaining participants. Your participation in the bidding _may_ have been but a ploy to gain access to the Tau'ri in an effort to kill him. Or, you _may _have wished to inflict the maximum amount of anguish and damage to the Tau'ri and SG-1 in particular by the loss of one of their major scientists and friends. There are many potential reasons, and each of you fit with at least one of them!"

A storm of protest broke out amongst the bidders at her words, and in the midst of the chaos, few were no-one was watching as First Prime entered the room and whispered a message to Thoth. The goa'uld lord nodded abruptly and turned to face the door as his guards dragged in an enraged and struggling Ihy…

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_


	21. Chapter 21

_Set: Season 4 _

_Spoilers: None that I'm aware of!_

_Disclaimer: SG1, the SGC & sundry personnel belong to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play _

_with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow). _

_The rest of the loonies are solely the fault of yours truly and are not intended to resemble any living person! - Well Duh!_

**A/N: **Okay! Well this delay is what happens when 'Real Life' takes a bite out of your limited free time and your computer plays up in synchronistic malice! Hopefully there are only a few more chapters to go, but as I still have to write them …! :)

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 21: **

"We found Lord Ihy attempting to leave without your authorisation, my Lord Thoth. This was broken on the ground beside the Chapa'ai," the First Prime concluded, handing Thoth a fragment of what appeared to be a glass vial.

"The contents?"

"Dispersed upon the ground, my Lord. There were no other ampoules upon his person." He held out a small object to the Goa'uld, "We did, however, discover this upon his finger. It has been activated."

Thoth carefully lifted a ring from the palm of the Jaffa's hand.

He stared menacingly at the other Goa'uld. "So! Not content with the disruption of our gathering by your uninvited presence, you also dared to violate our obligations as Host by poisoning the Tau'ri under our protection!"

Ihy sneered at him. "The Tau'ri are no more than beasts domesticated for our pleasure! It is demeaning to our race to witness your fawning over such animals! _This_ one was responsible for the untimely demise of our mother, Hathor, beloved of Ra! Would you choose one of _them_ over one of your own?"

Sam shuddered as she watched the smile that crept across Thoth's face. To some degree she had forgotten that their 'host' was a Goa'uld. It was only now hitting home that she really couldn't afford to make that mistake too often!

"You have not answered _our _charges against _you_. Did you dare to poison the Tau'ri, Daniel Jackson, whilst a guest on our planet?"

He leaned forward to stare vulture-like down his large nose at the goa'uld, "Think carefully on your answer, spawn of Hathor! Your future amongst your peers … _and_ betters … depends upon your response!"

Ihy drew himself up to his full, short height, "I did administer the poison! - And I would do so again - to _all _the cattle present, if I could! The insult to our house and our kin will be only partially overcome by the scholar's prolonged death. I have nothing to fear from an emasculated, desiccated, System Lord groupie such as yourself, Thoth! It matters not how you kill me, my brothers _will_ avenge my demise!"

"_Oh please!"_ whispered Jack in a loud aside, _"Could this wimpy worm _get_ any more cheesy?"_

"_Cheesy, O'Neill?" _inquired Teal'c, ignoring the offended stares directed their way.

"_Melodramatic, Teal'c," _Sam translated.

"_Indeed!"_

Thoth continued to smile. If anything, the smile grew even more sinister. "Who said anything about killing you, Ihy? That would be far too good an end for you, and with what I have planned, not even your family cold justly claim recompense."

As the gravity of his situation finally started to penetrate the bombast of his ego, Ihy peered around at those remaining in the Rainbow Hall, none of whom looked too sympathetic to his plight.

The Tok'ra looked pensive, the goa'uld eager, and the humans present, simply perplexed; but _no-one_ looked sympathetic.

Thoth nodded and his Jaffa dragged the now struggling goa'uld closer to the throne. Seshat appeared beside her husband, carrying a strangely shaped crystalline device.

Standing up before Ihy, Thoth spoke out in a powerful voice;

"Ihy, Lord of Prosopis, son of Hathor and Heru'ur, for your crimes against our person, I condemn you to banishment for your life's duration in the waters of our ancestral home, Meroe. May the remaining millennia of your life be spent in contemplation of your _true_ place in our universe."

The rush of sound that greeted this pronouncement had Jack looking to Jacob for enlightenment.

"What was all that about?"

Selmak replied in a more solemn tone of voice than Jack had ever heard before, "Thoth is sending Ihy - the symbiote, that is - back to our planet of origin."

Frowning, Jack asked "How could that possibly be a punishment for him?"

Selmak shivered and handed control over to Jacob.

"Because, Jack," Jacob replied, "Meroe's only intelligent life consists of Unas, who dwell in caves, and the goa'uld, who are naturally water dwellers. There are no cities, no humans, no technology and no means of escape other than the Stargate - which can't be accessed without legs!" Jacob added dryly.

"The Tok'ra stop by from time to time to check on things - see that the Unas are not being captured too frequently as hosts by the indigenous larva. The general consensus is that the Unas have worked out for themselves not to approach too close to the goa'ulds' natural habitat. So, Thoth's punishment for Ihy is akin to sentencing him to a life of sensory deprivation. He will be able to interact with the planet-bound goa'uld, but after millennia with a host, will be so restricted that such a life will be excruciating for him."

He paused briefly before continuing, "Selmak is horrified at the prospect, even though he bears no sympathy for Ihy. The primordial goa'uld were known to indulge in cannibalism at times, and after such an extended period away from their native habitat, he will most likely have forgotten exactly _how_ to converse with those of his own kind who have never taken a host!"

"… Sweet!"

"It is a fitting punishment for such a one as Ihy, who claims to be a god but resorts to dishonourable means to seek revenge!"

"Ah, T? Seriously, are there _any _honourable means of revenge?"

Teal'c stared down at Jack. "Indeed, O'Neill! A pure test of wills or of arms is an honourable way to seek redress from one who has wronged one's honour or family."

"It is?"

Teal'c just regally inclined his head.

"Huh! So if Icky here had challenged Daniel to a duel, you wouldn't have objected?"

"I would have objected, but I would not have been offended by the action. I would merely have suggested that, as a scholar of the highest level, Daniel Jackson would be within his rights to choose a champion to act on his behalf."

"You, huh?"

"Indeed!"

"Sir!" Carter interrupted, "You may want to see this!"

Jack looked over to the throne again.

Thoth had placed a hand device on his left hand in preparation for administering the punishment and was carrying the crystal in his right hand.

"So, what's he gonna do with that crystal egg thing?" Jack asked in a stage whisper. Garshaw frowned and replied, "Look and learn, Colonel!"

"Is there any amongst our present company who wishes to speak on our decision?" Thoth intoned gravely.

"Surely this punishment is somewhat extreme, Lord Thoth? After all, as Ihy said, it is but a human who was affected by his actions. Would not a less drastic sentence be more suited to the crime?"

Thoth frowned as he turned his gaze upon Zipacna.

"Your concern for the prisoner is estimable, however, you have failed to grasp that the injury here was not to the Tau'ri before you, but to our person and our sovereignty! This is not the first time he has flouted our rules and decrees while a guest. Would you allow such an insult to your person? Do you expect me to do less?"

On not receiving any answer, Thoth turned back to Ihy, hand reaching over the prisoner's head.

"Do _you _have any last words of relevance?"

"May you rot in Netu for all eternity!"

"Nothing, then? Ihy, son of Hathor, your fate awaits you! But let not anyone say I would inflict summary judgment upon the host also. Therefore, sleep! It is best you know nothing of what is to come."

A green beam unlike any previously seen by SG-1 was emitted from the hand device. Ihy fell to the ground. The guests strained their necks to get a clear view of the proceedings.

Thoth took the crystal from Seshat and moved to stand over the fallen prisoner. Clasping the side of the implement with the hand device pressed firmly to its side, Thoth pointed it towards the goa'uld's forehead, emitting a stream of scintillating blue-green light.

Despite seemingly being unconscious, Ihy started to scream and writhe on the floor as Thoth intensified the beam and moved it down the centre line of the host's face until it was positioned over its mouth.

Sam watched in horrified fascination as the host seemed to convulsed once, then once more, then suddenly, the goa'uld was expelled from the host in a flurry of mucus and blood.

"Is that what I think it is?" Jack asked, disbelievingly.

Selmak responded, a note of disgust evident in his voice, "The symbiote has been extracted from the host, Colonel. It is still paralysed from the effects of the hand device, and this will allow its safe transfer to a canopic jar for transport to the home world."

"Excellent! So, is this the way you guys get rid of the snakes too?"

"Certainly not, Colonel!" Garshaw interjected. "We believe our way to be much less inconvenient for the host and much more debilitating for the goa'uld involved!"

"You _believe_?"

"Well, Jack, it's not as if any of the Tok'ra have had the need to extract their symbiotes in this way!"

"So you don't really know for sure then? You could be causing the host excruciating pain, right?"

"We do not believe this to be the case, Colonel."

Jack huffed under his breath, "Yeah, right!"

Action from the front of the room drew his attention again, and he watched as Thoth did something with the hand device to seal the jar, before handing it back to his First Prime with a nod. The Jaffa saluted and headed straight from the room, presumably to dispose of the contents in the manner decreed. The host was still unconscious as two more of Thoth's Jaffa removed him from the chamber to places unknown.

The atmosphere in the room had turned rather somber, especially where the Goa'uld were concerned.

Low level mutterings could be heard from those remaining, and agitation seemed rife.

"Well that's got our _'gaggle of goulds'_ a-gasping!" Jack added with satisfaction in his voice. "By the way, what _is_ the correct term for a bunch of snakes?" he asked Sam abruptly.

"A _slither of snakes_?" Sam queried.

"Perhaps a '_cesspool of serpents'_, O'Neill!"

"What do you think, Anise? What do the Tok'ra use as the collective noun for a bunch of goulds?"

Anise stared with derision at the leader of SG-1, "Trouble, Colonel. We call them trouble."

Jack pretended to ponder the suitability of the word. "Ya know, I think a _'trouble of goulds'_ has kind of a nice ring to it!"

Sam smiled slightly, "It does, Sir".

"So! What's next on our agenda? Some System Lord posturing? A bit of host zapping? Pie?"

"I believe, Colonel," Eilain'ee said from near Jack's elbow, "the auction has still to reach its conclusion."

"We're gonna go ahead with that even though Daniel is fighting for his life?"

"Indeed, Colonel. Should Dr. Jackson fail to survive, I am sure my father will discount the price he is charging the winning party. After all, most of the System Lords have sarcophaguses available to them, and though he may not be _entirely_ as he was prior to the poison, most of his more, um … _desirable_ … attributes will still be available for the purchaser!"

"That's just sick!"

"That is just business, Colonel!" Eilain'ee said as she walked back to the podium.

"Ya know, there's gotta be a law _somewhere_ against selling dead or dying people to the highest bidder!"

"Indeed there is, Colonel," Garshaw added, "But it is not here!"

"Oy!"

_#_#_#_

"Dante's Inferno." Daniel muttered to himself, as he tried to stop the heat of the flames surrounding his table from affecting his heavily chained and heavily paralysed body. "I'm stuck in a poorly propped production of Dante's Inferno taking place in my own head! Jack was right! I _**do**_ read too much!"

He grimaced as he tried to take a deep 'breath', only to find himself limited to an almost panic inducing small gasp.

"I do not agree. I would have to call it _Daniel's Inferno - _for the exquisite little personal details you have used for embellishment," the willowy figure in white, sipping an iced cold drink informed him, as she looked around the flame-filled cavern in appreciation.

"Seshat! I thought you'd finished with me," Daniel managed to force out through his poison-tightened jaws.

"Dear boy! Of course I have! Unfortunately," she added with a snarl in her voice, "one of the attendees was not willing to deal honourably with us - to _your_ detriment, of course!"

Daniel sighed as the wave of pain that had assaulted him diminished for a time. "Who was it?"

"Ihy."

"_Who_-he?"

Seshat tilted her head as she gazed pointedly at him. "You know you _really_ have been spending too much time with O'Neill! … _Ihy_, son of Hathor!"

"Oh, _that_ Ihy!" Daniel responded tiredly, trying to move his cramped muscles before the next wave of spasms hit, and failing dismally. "What's his role in all this?" he asked, giving up on the relaxing bit.

"He poisoned you, dear boy! We are endeavouring to ascertain the nature of the poison and administer an antidote, but it is taking longer than we anticipated."

"That would explain the paralysis, shortness of breath, muscle spasms and the feeling that someone has injected concentrated Hydrochloric Acid into my veins!"

"Indubitably!"

"Is it fatal? You're confident that there _is _there an antidote? Or are you only here to wish me a touching good-bye?" Daniel enquired sarcastically.

Seshat sighed as she walked closer towards Daniel through the flames.

"Unfortunately: Yes, it is fatal; No, we do _not_ have an antidote as yet - though we are working on it; and No, I am not here to admit defeat or to wish you good-bye as yet; but," she added as Daniel arched those parts of his body still capable of movement up from the surface of the table, "I will warn you that what you are currently feeling is but the _'tip of the iceberg'_ - as you would say."

"Oh super! Any other comforting words with which to regale me?"

Seshat nodded briefly, "Just _'hang in there'_ is what your Colonel O'Neill would tell you, I believe. We are working with all expediency to effect a solution. The symptoms you have exhibited and relayed to us will assist in the manufacture of an antidote - the poison has a number of minor variants, each with its own peculiarities."

She paused, looking sadly at Daniel.

"Of course, Ihy being who he is, the form injected to you appears to be the most extreme one, so the remedy will be correspondingly difficult and finicky to produce."

"Of course it will!" Daniel sighed. "Any idea how long I have?"

"About 12 Earth hours, I would think, before any antidote is rendered useless. At the moment, we still have you under sedation to minimise the pain associated with your condition and we plan on keeping you this way. Not only are the _full_ affects of the poison excruciating, but you will be unable to maintain coherent thought in any case."

"So, no death bed conversations with my friends?"

"No."

"Well then," Daniel hesitated before continuing, "in the event of the worst case scenario occurring, could you…um…tell them good-bye for me? Tell them … _um_ … tell them I'm sorry I dragged them into this mess. Hopefully with a more competent fourth they can avoid a lot of the problems we've faced over the last three years!"

Seshat ran a cool hand over his sweat covered brow. "I sincerely hope it does not come to that Daniel; but should it occur, I shall ensure your message is sent and received by your friends."

Daniel felt his hold on conscious thought slipping away from him again.

"Sleep, young one; sleep. I have increased the level of sedative to your system to dull the worst of the spasms. We shall find a solution to this problem and get you home safe to your SGC and then all this will be as a bad dream."

"Sleep."

_#_#_#_

"Shall we continue with the bidding?" Thoth enquired of thee guests milling around the room.

Zeus stepped forward, frowning tightly at his Host, "I wish to tender my withdrawal from the Auction, Lord Thoth. As much as I am confident of your abilities - and those of your queen, Seshat - to rectify the damage caused by Ihy, I feel the time now required to 'train' the Tau'ri to our requirements will be too long for the purpose we had in mind."

He bowed to Thoth before continuing, "We therefore seek your permission to formally take our leave of your bounteous hospitality, and hope that should a similar opportunity arise in the future, you will not hesitate to inform us."

"Lord Zeus, we have been honoured by your presence and participation in our sadly marred gathering. Please be assured that I do not hold you in breach of our hospitality by your decision to withdraw." He nodded to Eilain'ee who moved silently to the side of Hera, "My daughter will escort you to the Libris portal for your departure. Travel well."

"Yada, yada, yada! Just get on with it already!" Jack snarled under his breath.

As the Olympians bowed and left the chamber, their restlessness seemed to flow into the other bidders.

Seeing this, Thoth addressed those remaining. "As our afternoon's entertainment has been spoiled by the ill-manners of one of our number, perhaps it would be wise to draw this gathering to a close."

He looked at Jack as he continued, "SG-1. You had the highest bid placed before Ihy disrupted proceedings. Do you wish to maintain that bid, despite the damage to the goods in question?"

"What do you think?"

"I will take that as a 'Yes' then!" Thoth acknowledged sardonically.

Straightening up in his seat, he consulted the data pod on his left forearm. "I formally declare SG-1 as winning bidders and ask them to remain in this chamber to verify and confirm payment details. The rest of you may retire to your personal quarters for refreshments prior to leaving Libris. We thank you for your attendance and wish you a safe return to your home planets and systems."

"I must protest!" Apophis stormed up to stand before the dais. "We were not given sufficient opportunity to make our counter-bids! I wish to obtain Daniel Jackson, and will pay anything within my ability to do so!"

"Really Apep! You knew that I had the authority to end this event whenever I so chose! If you had truly wished to purchase the merchandise, you should have offered more at the beginning of this section of the proceedings!" Thoth tilted his head to the side as he stared in amusement at the younger goa'uld, "Besides, your bid was a long way behind that of SG-1's and if I were to cut the bidders down further - as I was considering - you would not have met that cut!"

"But I _MUST_ have him! Until he is finally, irrefutably dead, I will have no peace! I have been blighted by calamities and ill-fortune since the day he crossed my path, and only his long, torturous but inevitable death will cleanse me of this curse I now bear!"

"Apep! We have spoken of this at length! This fixation on the Tau'ri must end. Once and for all time, _There . is . no . Curse!_ Whether you control the fate of Daniel Jackson or not has no bearing on your fortune! _You_ are the only one who can direct the nature of your fate, no-one else! Now, get control of your emotions and return to your current abode. I shall make space in my schedule for you next week. Try and relax until then. Do some combat painting, remedial torture or something to relax. I promise it will _all_ be better soon."

He looked over at his personal guard. "Escort Lord Apophis to his chambers and check that his lo'tar is aware of his need for rest."

The guard saluted and led the angry goa'uld away, leaving SG-1 and the Tok'ra alone with Thoth.

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_


	22. Chapter 22

_**Chapter 22:**_

_Set: Season 4 _

_Spoilers: None that I'm aware of!_

_Disclaimer: SG1, the SGC & sundry personnel belong to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play _

_ with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow). _

_ The rest of the loonies are solely the fault of yours truly and are not intended to resemble any living person! - Well Duh!_

**A/N: **Well. Finally! Sorry for going AWOL for such an extended period. I was ambushed and brutally mugged by Real Life, and I am

finally trying to fight my way back - at least until the next round of pre-Christmas biffo!

This is a small chapter - just to get back into the swing of things!

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 22: **

He was suspended in a dark miasma of swirling emotions and chemicals; senses overloaded with difficult to pin-down smells and tastes which he assumed were connected to whatever poison was afflicting him. His skin and lungs burned as if he had inhaled acid fumes, and his head was pounding harder than it ever had after the worst college celebratory bender he'd experienced -such as that was!

Everything seemed so much more difficult, even thinking, that at this stage he'd even welcome the appearance of his drug-induced hallucinations!

Whatever Seshat was giving him to prevent the spread of the poison was no longer working, and he was very much afraid that this time he wouldn't make it home.

He struggled even to sigh. It was all out of his hands now, and as much as he hated relinquishing control to anyone, he reluctantly acknowledged that his survival was now up to the two Goa'ulds and his team …!

_#_#_#_

"You know, Colonel, it is not as if I am asking you to divulge secrets! I am primarily interested in reacquainting myself with the modern Tau'ri mind set, and secondly in understanding the way in which the four members of SG-1 interact to form such an effective team - considering you are all _'lesser beings',_ you have performed remarkably well!. I have no need nor want for your gate codes or secrets!"

"Oh yeah! I bet you say that to _all_ your potential hosts! And then right when they least expect it **…**!"

Thoth smiled amusedly at his …well … _not_ so patient Patient. "In a number of ways, you really do remind me of Apep!"

"Bo-Peep?"

"Oh yes! I believe you _regular _Tau'ri know him as Apophis."

Jack glared. "What do you mean, _'regular Tau'ri'_? … And there is _no way_ in the universe that I am in _any way _similar to that slimy cyborg serpent!"

"You _are _somewhat better adjusted," Thoth conceded, "but you, dear Colonel, have almost as many … _how_ do you Tau'ri so eloquently put it? … oh yes, _'hang-ups'_ … as he does! _He _goes into a murderous rage and vents, _you_ go into a murderous rage and suppress!" He shrugged, "Not that different."

"_**I do NOT**_ get into a murderous rage! I **rarely** lose my temper! Ask _anyone!_" Jack railed.

Thoth just smirked.

While Jack fumed (silently now), Thoth steepled his fingers and gazed passively at the ceiling.

"Yes. How was it that Daniel explained it?… You 'glower, smoulder, stomp, loom and glare to intimidate, generally causing all those unfortunate enough to be in your path to scatter'".

"I do not!"

"I believe that you do!"

"Do not!"

Thoth tilted his head to the side, eyes narrowed as he observed O'Neill, "You do indeed."

"_I do n_ …! Oh fer cryin' out loud!"

"Interesting…"

"You're scribbling something onto that cookie tray of yours, aren't you?" Jack scowled as he attempted to peer at the entry the goa'uld was making on his data pad.

"How astute of you, Colonel! I can almost see why they promoted you this far! The Tau'ri military mindset is not so dissimilar from that of the goa'uld. All you 'brawn' types follow the same philosophy of:

'_I do not think, therefore I am sure to shoot first!'_"

"You're either mixing your metaphors, or you've been taking lessons in sarcasm from Daniel, and lessons in philosophy from Descartes!"

"One learns wherever one can," Thoth added in a mockingly sweet voice. "But, as pleasant as this little interlude has been, we really should get back you completing your part of our agreed payment, O'Neill."

"Oy! I can't believe that you still expect us to pay for Daniel even though he's been injured!"

"A bargain is a bargain, Colonel. Even a Goa'uld must eat and pay his employees - good potential hosts who are also willing are _**so**_ hard to come by! So, tell me. What makes a career soldier such as yourself become close friends with an uber-scholar such as Daniel? At first glance you seem to have so very little in common! Tell me of your initial impressions of him. He must have been very young at the time he opened the Chap'aii - at least from your perspective!"

"_Uber _scholar? Ghouls speak pidgin-German now?"

"First impressions, Colonel."

Jack sighed and, fiddling with the memory device in his temple, cast his mind back to the early days of the program.

"Uber scholar - _**uber geek**_! He was an incessant, annoying irritation - a mosquito that refused to go away. Buzzing around the place, resistant to the best military grade geek spray!"

He paused, playing with the tassel of the cushion before continuing; "He was energetic, annoying, persistent, unintentionally arrogant, super-bright and so very_, very_ young - in the eyes of a jaded, suicidal Colonel, at least. Not young in years so much, rather in - I don't know - _innocence_, I guess is the only way I know how to put it."

"_Not _naivety," he added seeing Thoth's raised eyebrow. "Daniel was never really naïve - not with _his_ upbringing. It was like …he was _open_ to the world - ideas, concepts, people - in the way only children can be. _So_ … innocent… _untouched_ almost. In a manner of speaking!"

He stared intently at the distant wall, continuing as though the words were dragged from him; "He was like a super-radiant star, a supernova, destined to burn brightly for a short time before fading away and leaving us lost without its light."

"That sounds very poetic, if rather contradictory."

"_Doesn't_ it just!"

"And you felt all this during those first days before the gate was finally opened?"

"**No**! That last sappy bit was what I thought when I realized he'd saved me from my own stupidity."

At Thoth's enquiring look he explained, "At the hands of Ra. Daniel jumped in front of a staff blast aimed at me in Ra's big, honkin' pyramid and got killed. Dead. Deceased, departed, _gone_. _**He**_ died, and the man who _didn't_ _want_ to live, who thought he had nothing to live for, was thrown into a pit with the rest of the guys, not knowing about the sarcophagus and its ability to bring back the dead."

"Upsetting."

"_Ya think?_"

"So, that when your attitude changed?"

Jack grinned. "No".

"Then when?"

"When he fooled Ra into thinking he was completely cowed - after the shock of dying, being alive again - and not to mention the subsequent questioning and torture he had to undergo. When he turned the staff weapon onto Ra - the one he was supposed to be killing the rest of the team with! _**That's**_ when my attitude finally changed."

"So, not a geek any more?"

"Sure he was! Still a geek, _waaay_ too smart for his own health! But also a kid to count on in a tight situation. A kid with a 'Never-say-die' attitude most Special Ops guys I've worked with would die for! A kid who would go the extra mile for people he hardly knew, who hadn't treated him well,_ just_ 'cos it was the right thing to do."

Jack took a deep breath and looked directly at the Goa'uld sitting in front of him for the first time in quite a while.

"_**That's **_when I knew Dr Daniel Jackson, PhD, PhD, PhD; uber-geek supreme, laughing stock of the Archaeological community on Earth, scourge of Ra, was someone I was _proud_ and _honoured_ to call a friend!"

_#_#_#_#_#_#_


	23. Chapter 23

_Set: Season 4 _

_Spoilers: None that I'm aware of!_

_Disclaimer: SG1, the SGC & sundry personnel belong to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow). __The rest of the loonies are solely the fault of yours truly and are not intended to resemble any living person! - Well Duh!_

**A/N: **Real Life puts the Goa'uld to shame!

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 23: **

"He agreed to do _**what?**_"

Sam cringed inwardly, as she reported to the General via the MALP.

"Sir, we agreed to allow Thoth to 'interview' each of us as part of the payment to get Daniel back."

"And just what makes you certain this Goa'uld won't try to extract Iris Codes, Security Codes and all manner of sensitive information along with whatever you've agreed to?"

"Sir, I know it seems strange but I think we can trust Thoth to do what he says."

"_Think_ or _hope_ Major?"

"It's my personal evaluation based on our interactions with Thoth and Seshat, Sir."

"From your mouth to God's ear, Major! If it wasn't for Doctor Jackson's current illness I'd be ordering you to cease negotiations and gate back to the Alpha site until you can be evaluated for the influence of outside coercive factors!"

Hammond sighed before continuing, "Be that as it may, I'll notify Dr Fraiser to have all required medical personnel available for Dr Jackson's return. Bring our boy home, Major Carter."

"Yes, Sir!"

As the gate shut off, Sam turned to Teal'c, her mood pensive.

"You know, the General's right. How _do_ we know Thoth's not using a mild coercion to extract information? The Colonel could even now be divulging codes, protocols, all sorts of information that the goa'uld would pay whole systems for! This entire exercise could just be a huge set-up!"

"I do not believe that to be the case, Major Carter. Thoth has a reputation for fair dealing, even outside the ranks of the goa'uld."

"But how do we know for sure? _His_ memory device is different to the Tok'ra's and the rest of his technology is so far beyond even the rest of the Goa'uld that we wouldn't really have a clue if we _were_ being pushed into agreeing to this whole 'interview' process!"

She frowned. "What's worse is Thoth could be implanting suggestions at a subliminal level into the Colonel's brain - things that could be activated by either vocal or situational triggers after we return through the gate!"

"If that is the case, Major Carter, would not Daniel Jackson himself be compromised by his interaction with the goa'ulds? By their own admission, he has participated in the accumulation of data - both historical and physical - for the purposes of updating Thoth's database," Teal'c enquired as they headed back to the palace.

"I wish I knew what to do!" Sam said in frustration.

"I believe that, as O'Neill says, we should engage in aural recreational activities."

"The _Colonel_ said that?"

"I believe the direct quote was: we should _play it by ear!"_

Sam stopped abruptly, stared intently at him, and then grinned. "Just how many of your mangled metaphors are genuine, Teal'c?"

Teal'c paused and turned to face Sam, hands behind his back, head inclined, eyebrow raised. "I believe that would be 'revealing', Major Carter!"

"You've been taking lessons from Daniel, haven't you?"

"My lips are occluded."

"Sealed, Teal'c. Just sealed" she added with a grin as they continued their walk.

_#_#_#_

"Teal'c"

"Where?" Jack asked, looking around as if bewildered.

"First Impressions."

"Big"

At Thoth's expectant look, Jack continued, "Honkin' big!"

"That is the _only_ thing you thought when you first encountered Apophis's First Prime?"

"… _And_ imposing and scary … And _'Oh Shit!'_!"

"What made him so imposing?"

"You mean _apart_ from sheer size?" At Thoth's nod he elaborated, "He, I dunno, _**loomed **_over everyone and everything in that room, cell … whatever. He had the worst scowl I've ever seen - bar none! Looked like he could fry you through sheer force of will!"

"Why did you eventually decide to trust him?"

"Aside from lack of options? … There was _something_ in his eyes."

Jack paused, thinking deeply.

"… An expression almost like the one I'd seen in my eyes for months before that first mission to Abydos… a deadness …a … Oh, _**I **__don't know!_ … a… need, want, longing … a desire for something else, something long gone, something - _better_…!"

Jack scratched vigorously at the memory disc on his temple, much as one would at a mosquito sting.

"Why am I telling you all this anyway? What possible use could you have for this kinda stuff?"

Thoth fiddled with something beneath his sleeve. "It will serve as fascinating background material for my latest volume of '_The History of the First World - Tau'ri'._"

"And this concerns me _how?_"

"I would have thought that you would wish for accuracy in an undertaking of this magnitude, O'Neill. After all, it is what most of the galaxy will be judging you and your people by!"

"Egotistical much?"

Thoth grinned back at the sarcastic jibe, "Not at all, Colonel. My previous volumes of the work were Galactic best sellers! I am assured of a considerable return for my efforts on the forthcoming volume!"

"And I repeat; this concerns me how?"

"As Commanding Officer and close friend of the central character, it concerns you greatly."

"What main character?"

"Dr Jackson of course! What sort of history would it be if I neglected the single most interesting and galactically influential person on your planet in the last century?"

"_**Daniel! **__Daniel _is your main character?"

"Well strictly speaking all of SG-1 play a prominent role in it, but the 'story' if you like is written as from Daniel's perspective. So you should now see, my dear Colonel, why I would hope that you would give me your most sincere co-operation. You would not wish me to paint you in a negative light now would you?"

"Oy!"

_#_#_#_

Seshat looked Sam up and down in a completely dispassionate way.

"You would not have been a bad match for our Daniel. You score a bit low on some of the critical points, but your offspring would have been most handsome."

"Excuse me? … _Offspring? … _Me and_ Daniel? _Eeew! That's just so wrong in so many ways!"

Seshat looked quizzically at the Tau'ri major.

"You do not find Daniel Jackson attractive?" she queried, in a tone that could almost be considered outrage.

"Of _course _I do! … that is … Holy Hannah, _I_ don't know!" Sam stammered; flustered at the change in the questions. "Yes! Yes he's very attractive. And smart, and sweet, and kind, and a good, good _friend_."

"You have never considered him as anything more than a friend?" Seshat asked in disbelief.

"Well, of course I've _thought_ about it - daydreamed really - on bad days when I've felt that the only thing I'll ever be married to is my job!"

She pulled at the memory device in an irritated manner: "I've fantasized about _all three_ of them, actually. They're all incredibly attractive - in their own ways. I or any other girl would be lucky to have any one of them as partners … and Daniel will make someone an _incredible_ husband - _**has**_ made someone an incredible husband! … But not me! In many ways he's closer to me than my own brother is - and _that's_ how I think of him, as a friend or a close relative - a brother, almost - _not_ a potential partner!"

"And what of the others? Colonel O'Neill, perhaps?"

"Oh I don't even want to _think_ about going there! It goes against all my training!"

"So you would truly give up the chance for love with one of your teammates in order to keep your career?"

"Sounds cold, doesn't it?" Sam said in a small voice.

Seshat moved to stand in front of the Tau'ri woman, "No. It sounds like a woman who has not yet found her life-partner. If you had, you would give up the world itself to be with them."

Sam gave Seshat a calculating look. "Is that how it was for you?"

Seshat looked sharply at her. "Yes," she added simply. "And despite the opinions of some other goa'uld queens, I do not regret a moment spent with Thoth. Not the lack of System Lord status, certainly not the pomp and circumstance, and not the unending battles for supremacy, either!"

She looked directly at Sam once more.

"When you do find him, Major Carter, do not wait for your military to give you their approval, grab hold of him and do not let go! If you find you are prepared to forego your military life, your rank and your career to be with him, you will then know that you have found your heart!"

"Wow! Never thought I'd get relationship advice from a Goa'uld!"

Seshat smiled. "A long life has many benefits. If one utilizes one's time productively, one can learn as much from one's own experiences as one can from the universe around one."

Sam was about to respond to the rather convoluted sentence when a strident alarm sounded, pulling Seshat towards the console on the worktable.

"We must return to the laboratory now! Dr Jackson has taken a turn for the worse!"

At Sam's intake of breath, she continued: "It is not entirely unexpected, but it is extremely annoying. We must take action now to reduce the further onset of the symptoms - that is, as much as we can. Come!"

She strode out the door leaving Sam to chase after her.

_#_#_#_#_#_

**A/N: Life! Don't talk to me about life! **

So (fingers crossed), not too much further to go with this! - Then again, it was originally meant to be a story of no more than 8 chapters - right! Anyway, Merry Christmas, Happy holidays and a safe New Year to all. Don't indulge in the festive cheer more than I intend to! **;)**


	24. Chapter 24

_**Mutiny of the Bounties**_

_Set: Season 4 _

_Spoilers: None that I'm aware of!_

_Disclaimer: SG1, the SGC & sundry personnel belong to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow). __The rest of the loonies are solely the fault of yours truly and are not intended to resemble any living person! - Well Duh!_

_#_#_#_

**A/N:**

"_**Hello, hello … hello … Is there anybody in there? … Just nod if you can hear me … Is there anyone at home?"  
**_

_If you've had a peek at my Profile page in the last __several months you would have read the reason for my appalling delay in updating this fic._

_Since mid last year, my computer has been beset by Trojans and hideously malicious viruses which have crashed, mangled and generally wrecked its operation to the point that we had to completely rebuild everything from scratch. The last virus also caused me to lose all my work and notes for chapter 24 (which I had almost finished, and which luckily was the only chapter not fully saved and backed up). By the time the computer was cleaned, scanned, debugged, fumigated etc., I had completely lost my feel for the Stargate universe. I am slowly attempting to get back into writing in this 'verse, and I am determined to complete the two stories I still have on the go, RL permitting._

_This current update is nothing like the one I lost, but hopefully it will suffice for the moment. Let me know if anyone is still interested in this fic._

Cheers!

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 24: **_Comfortably Numb!_

Jack joined Sam and Seshat in the laboratory, running his hand through his hair in what Sam took to be worry.

"How is he?"

"Not so good, Sir. His body is no longer responding to the current variant of the general antidote. Seshat is synthesizing a chemically altered critical component based upon the responses Daniel's body exhibited to the …"

"Uh, uh uh, Carter. Too much information! Can she fix him or not?"

"We're working on it, Sir."

"The main problem, Colonel O'Neill," interposed Seshat, "is that Ihy has engineered a particularly effective cocktail of previously semi-antagonistic toxins into a synergistic blending of unparalleled potency. To neutralize the specific toxins injected into Daniel, we must first identify the component parts on a molecular level and ascertain the modifications to each, determine an appropriate site of weakness or disassociation for the component molecules, then verify the proportions of each used, before trying to synthesise an effective antidote against the altered toxin."

Jack stared blankly at the Goa'uld working furiously at the instruments before him before turning to Sam.

"_Huh?_"

Sam sighed. "She said we're working on it, Sir."

"Can't you use one of those '_spectro..photo…graphy'_ thingies Fraiser is always on about to find the missing bits?" Jack asked, proving that - if pushed into admitting it - he actually had a more than reasonable grasp of the science required – at least from a Tau'ri perspective.

Seshat snapped, "_No!_"

"…So how long until she's done?"

Seshat just glared at him and continued working.

"Sir, it could be up to several days before the correct formula is determined."

"Daniel doesn't _have_ several days, Major!"

"I know that Sir, but we're going as fast as we can under the circumstances!"

"If I may suggest the use of the dream device to assuage Colonel O'Neill's concerns," came a well-known and disliked voice from the doorway.

"Okay. _Now_ I've officially had it! What is _SHE_ doing here? I thought everyone else, including the Tok'ra had already left?"

"Anise has graciously offered her assistance in the manufacture of an antidote, Colonel," Eilain'ee replied through gnashed teeth. "It would be useful to have on hand all those with knowledge of the type of poison concerned."

"And how precisely does Anise have experience in poisons, pray tell?" Jack enquired.

"We have often found the use of such compounds to be of benefit in the removal of …" Anise paused as she considered her audience, "_obstacles_ in our work. As such, I have often been required to devise poisons specifically targeted to the removal of lesser lifeforms."

"And by 'lesser' you mean humans, I suppose."

"Amongst others," the Tok'ra operative acknowledged with a slight nod of the head.

"And here I thought the Goa'uld were bad!"

"What is the dream device?" Sam asked Seshat, watching as a fleeting hint of annoyance passed over the goa'uld's face at the question.

Before Seshat could answer, Anise replied; "Thoth has modified the standard Tok'ra memory device to allow access to a subject's dreams and subconscious mind. It allows verification of the truth of statements and understanding of the feelings, thought processes and motivations of of the subject, amongst other … more contentious applications!"

"Wait! Is that the 'memory device' you used on us during our 'interviews'?" Sam demanded, clenching her hands tightly to avoid punching the goa'uld scientist beside her.

"It is", Anise added smugly.

"So you were controlling our thoughts while you were 'interviewing' us?" Sam demanded.

"Silly child! No! Our use of the device was purely to facilitate a state of calmness in our subjects, in this case, Colonel O'Neill and yourself. Your military places such blocks on your independent thought processes that even innocuous questions tend to result in guarded responses. As we had no intention of gathering any information that your leaders might consider contentious, we felt use of the memory devise would be justified."

"So why didn't you just _ask _if everything was so above board?" Jack yelled.

Seshat gave him a _'Why are you so thick, and how could you possibly be in charge of anything' _lookbefore replying dryly: "See the answer above!"

As Jack opened his mouth to argue further, Jacob entered the lab with Aldwin hot on his heels.

"Oh, that's just great! We've got a whole _slither_ of snakes now!"

"Sir!" Sam admonished.

"Nice to see you too, Jack! Sammy, Seshat," Jacob greeted, with just a hint of sarcastic humor evident.

"Aldwin! … and Selmak," Eilain'ee exclaimed, face taking on an uncharacteristic brightness, despite the fact that the younger Tok'ra operative was doing his best to hide behind Jacob

"Can someone please explain to me why you're even here?" Jack all but snarled.

"You could see it as our extending a helping hand to an ally …"

"_Or _…?" Jack asked pointedly.

"_Or_ if you wanted to be cynical, Jack, you could also say we were ensuring the continued good health of our investment!"

"_Investment?_"

"_Sizable_ investment – until such time as you repay us, of course."

"Daniel has done more than enough in the past to help you guys for centuries to come! As far as I'm concerned, this will just about make us quits!"

"Dr Jackson's continued good health is our only concern here, Colonel O'Neill," the deep tones of Selmak interposed. "It was felt that we may provide some additional insight into the problem … I believe Jacob sees it as _'two heads being better then one_'?"

"Yeah, but when one of those two heads is a snake's …!"

Jacob just stared. Pointedly.

"Oy! So, what is involved in this re-jigged, brand spankin' new memory thingy of yours that will help this situation so much?"

"Who said anything about helping the situation? I believe Anise only said it would help _you _cope!" Seshat retorted.

"And, so, therefore …?"

"So, I believe you have already used one setting of the device, the interactive setting allows one to enter the consciousness of another individual – usually one who is sedated or comatose – and interact as one would in the conscious world."

"Sorta dream-speaking?"

Seshat raised a brow in mild surprise, "_Very_ good, Colonel! We may yet see you achieve a normal human IQ before you leave us!", she added sarcastically. "Something extra to strive for, perhaps?"

Glaring at her, Jack slowly asked: "_How. Do. I. Use. It?_"

"Eilain'ee. Teach the old pet our new trick!"

At Jack's snarl of anger, she added, "_**Good **_dog!" before returning to her spectrograph.

_#_#_#_

'… _one hundred and twenty-three Bounty Hunters, one hundred and twenty-four Bounty Hunters, one hundred and twenty-five Bounty Hunters …' _

Daniel desperately tried to imagine himself zatting, stabbing or otherwise severely hurting numerous imaginary physiological variants of both Aris Boch and Dorango Jones in an effort to take his mind off the sudden onset of more chronic pain.

He didn't think he could take much more of it.

Besides, there were only so many variants of the men he could conjure up before it all became just a little bit _icky_ - to coin a Jackism!

"_Icky - a very high level technical term, that!"_ he told himself with a sigh.

He missed his team.

He missed Jack's sarcasm and Homer Simpson impressions. He missed Sam's smile and her comfort whenever he was sick or injured. He missed Teal'c's quiet dignity, wisdom and support.

He missed that he'd never get the chance to tell them all of that in person.

_How_ could he be paralysed yet still experience such deep muscular pain? Surely that was contradictory?

He viciously virtually eviscerated a vile, vulcan-eared Aris as a particularly strong burst of pain engulfed him.

The violence wasn't working, and neither was the alliteration! He had to try something else.

_Okay._ So maybe he couldn't do any good, trapped as he was in his own body, but he still could try to evaluate the _nature_ of the poison.

He was no biochemist or pharmacologist, but he had taken two years of the first subject as part of his extensive studies (to relax his brain, so to speak, from the 'similarity' of style of his other classes). As such, he had a reasonable understanding of rudimentary physiology and human metabolic pathways – and an entire virtual library of resource material ready for his perusal – once he worked out which volumes of his stored memories he needed to access!

If nothing else, if he ever got through this he could keep Janet amused for hours on the results of his wild speculations!

Virtual text books flew out from the dark reaches of his cavern, pages fluttering open to relevant sections of interest to Daniel, though his control of even these 'ideas' or 'memories' was becoming progressively more difficult.

Okay. First list the current symptoms:

Pain._ Visceral nociceptive pain_ or _neuropathic pain?_ … Both, by the feel of it_ … Deep seated muscular pain – no, agony – plus at least partial pain distribution along the neural pathways – Although the muscular pain was diminishing along with the progression of the next symptom …_

Paralysis of the muscles_ - flaccid paralysis – only muscles under voluntary control - so far - but given the tightness growing in his chest, the involuntary muscles seem also affected._

Nausea – _if you could call the extreme sensations he had originally experienced anything as bland as mere 'Nausea'! _… _Seshat had managed to prevent the logical follow-up of _that_ from manifesting at least!_

Cramping _– should be antagonistic with whatever is causing the other paralysis, so the poison must be modified on a molecular level or somehow altered to overcome antagonistic effects of more than one toxin. Maybe a bacterial enterotoxin involved? Probably not. Too fiddly!_

Hallucinations – _Well duh! I doubt this version of hell is around me in actuality, after all!_

Daniel struggled to remember if he had ever learnt of the types or combinations of poisons which showed all or some of these effects.

_What did ancient the Earth cultures he was familiar with use in situations such as these …?_

He knew poisons were used to hunt, trap and kill – both enemies and game.

And he was reasonably conversant with the common –or garden- varieties used in literature and movies, but which, if any, would cover his symptoms? And even if they did, how would he ever know if the Goa'uld had used anything vaguely equivalent?

He almost felt like giving up, but then, he really had nothing better to do with his time – depressing though the research would be!

So! Alphabetically, then!

He flicked through the memory book before him …

Arsenic – Metal. Disrupts ATP production at a cellular level, the metabolic interference leading to death from multi-system organ failure, owing to severe haemorrhaging.

_Obviously something to look forward to then, if present! It also has the added benefit of offsetting the paleness of my complexion!, _he thought snarkily.

Belladonna – aka: _atropine, deadly nightshade_ – a plant alkaloid which works against acetylcholine uptake by muscarinic receptors, inhibiting the parasympathetic nervous system and increasing the heart rate. It also causes dizziness, nausea, blurred vision, loss of balance, photophobia, dry mouth and potentially dissociative hallucinations.

_Huh! Several symptoms in common with this – certainly the hallucinations seems consistent, though maybe Dante's inferno was a bit much even for a completely loopy hallucination! _

Curare, plant extract. Used to tip blowgun darts in South American tribes. Prevents muscle contraction by blocking the uptake Acetylcholine at synapses, causing asphyxiation when the respiratory muscles are unable to contract, vomiting, diarrhea, increased blood pressure, wheezing and spasms of all muscles involved in breathing, and finally, cyanosis–blue skin as a result of oxygen deficiency in the blood–leading to suffocation, collapse and death.

_Wonderful! __If curare is involved I should expect _further_ respiratory reactions to develop soon!_

Cyanide_ -_ halts cellular respiration by inhibiting an enzyme in mitochondria called _Cytochrome C Oxidase_ultimately preventing the metabolic uptake of oxygen.

Hemlock: Causes nausea and vomiting, movement and speech retardation; characteristic rising paralysis of the limbs and eventually paralysis of the thoracic muscles, leading to death. The mind is clear through to the end.

"_Quinine, Strychnine, Aconite, Botulinum … I'll succumb to depression researching the potential cause of my demise before I actually__get around to dying from it!"_

Daniel flung the virtual tomes away from him and mentally slumped back against the cold stone slab.

"_**One**__ Bounty Hunter, __**two**__ Bounty Hunters …"_

Dying was so tedious! !

_#_#_#_#_#_


	25. Chapter 25

_Mutiny of the Bounties_

_Set: Season 4 _

_Spoilers: None that I'm aware of! - And at this late stage, would it really be relevant?_

_Disclaimer: SG1, the SGC & sundry personnel belong to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow). The rest of the loonies are solely the fault of yours truly and are not intended to resemble any living person! - Well Duh!_

_#_#_#_

A/N: And the clock (plot) slowly ticks its way towards midnight …

_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_#_

**Chapter 25: **_Uncomfortably Numb!_

Seshat ground her host's teeth tightly together as she stretched her self control beyond its usual limits. However, enough was more than quite enough!

"Desist your infernal **NOISE!**" she yelled.

The peace that instantly followed was a balm to her sore brain. A part of her was amused and pleased at the shock she managed to induce in the press of sentient life around her.

The rest of her was still too pissed to notice.

"**Out!** _**All **_of you! I have no need for your interminable chatter disrupting my work and obfuscating my thoughts! Eilan'ee, you too. Take Aldwin and go and play. I need order **NOW!**"

Eilain'ee hurried to remove the crowd of Tau'ri, goa'uld and Tok'ra from the clinical laboratory, taking especial delight in pushing the vehemently protesting Anise and Captain Holt roughly from the room.

"You, Carters! You remain! The rest of you, _**begone**_**!**"

Once the doors had closed between the mass of protesting lifeforms and the lab, Seshat allowed herself a deep sigh of relief as she closed her eyes briefly and stretched her back to relieve the tension which had built up over the past two hours.

Sam stared at her father for a moment before asking quietly, "Do you need my assistance with anything?"

Seshat ran a hand roughly through her immaculate hair and sighed. "Yes. I have identified all the components for the poison Ihy used on Daniel, with the exception of one."

She glanced up at the people before her. "The missing ingredient is, of course, critical. I have been attempting to synthesize compounds with suitable attributes, but I've isolated the hallucinogenic properties to an extract of _quocolestrathal_, a synthesized version of an insectoid venom common only to a small planet in the Beta quadrant – Celostral in colloquial terms. Once we have the last component, it should only be a small matter to generate the antidote."

"And until then?" Sam asked in a worried tone of voice.

"Until then, we hope O'Neal and Daniel can come up with the answer!"

_#_#_#_

"_Suspend disbelief, all ye who enter!" _Jack read as he brushed the cobwebs from the gothic style arched doorway leading into the crypt.

"Creepy!" he said to himself, wondering which part of Daniel's over-stuffed brain was responsible for this manifestation. "That boy really needs a life that doesn't involve dust, cobwebs and mummies!"

He walked through a rather cosy sitting room, strewn with large tomes and what looked to be lecture notes, stopping to take a suspicious sniff of the contents of a glass before finishing the wine remaining.

"I could get used to living in a place like this – supposing my brain was anything like this." Looking around for the non-existent television he continued: "Then again…!"

He made his way across to what he thought was the far end of the room, only to find it warping around him into a vast cavern structure full of atmospheric brimstone and fire.

"Geez! What's with the guilty conscience, Danny? What could possibly cause you to punish yourself in this way?"

He pushed past another thick curtain of cobwebs, existing despite the inhospitable conditions. Time to find his trouble-prone teammate.

_#_#_#_

"**No."**

Thoth raised one elegant eyebrow in imitation of his guest. Minimal was definitely the name of this game.

"I will not consent to the use of Goa'uld technology."

"It is a mere recording facilitator. Nothing of which to be concerned."

Te'alc glared at the Goa'uld seated opposite.

Thoth sighed; "Very well, then. But you _will_ answer my questions in accordance with our agreement, to the fullness of your abilities will you not?"

"Indeed," Te'alc answered with an even deeper scowl.

"Then I shall start by following a variation of a common Tau'ri technique; I believe it is known to you. You will answer with the first thoughts that come to mind when I say a given word."

He paused and glanced side-on at the Jaffa before him as he lit some scented oils on the nearby table, "To fulfill our bargain, you must answer with more than single syllables – or clarify your answer, preferably with descriptive sentences or paragraphs."

Te'alc continued to scowl.

"Earth"

"Anachronistic."

At Thoth's raised eyebrow, Te'alc countered with a supercilious look of his own, before sighing in resignation.

"It is indeed a confusion of archaic cultures and beliefs juxtaposed with advanced scientific thinking and the potential for galactic greatness."

Thoth nodded briefly.

"The SGC".

Te'alc glared without responding.

"So soon? I had thought you could persist for a somewhat longer time? Could it be that human habits are brushing off on you?"

The glare intensified, but the former First Prime reluctantly moved to respond.

"Confusing, confronting and confounding!"

"Elaborate!"

Te'alc leaned back in the chair, although on full alert, he looked completely at ease with his situation.

"Although the aim of Stargate Command is said to be the investigation of the worlds and civilizations to be found at the Chappa'ai co-ordinates available to the Tau'ri – primarily from the archives on Abydos discovered by Daniel Jackson – recently the emphasis from General Hammond's superiors in the Tau'ri American capital has been on the acquisition of potential weapons and technology at all costs."

"To the detriment of the collection of knowledge?"

"Indeed."

"Why has this change occurred? What has triggered this, if it was not so at the beginning of your association with the SGC?"

"The SGC and SG-1 in particular has come to the attentions of an individual of dubious honour. He has a position of power within the Tau'ri government of the United States, and indirectly therefore, of the governance of the SGC, and can influence the flow of money available for the Program. This has caused much anguish for General Hammond who has been forced to compromise his principles and the safety of the people under his care as a result."

"And the change in emphasis?"

"Senator Kinsey has 'the ear' – as the Tau'ri say – of powerful people with no knowledge of the Program or for what the money is used. He pushes for greater control, for more visible 'returns' for the funds provided. He wants power and the technology to gain more power over everything else, even at the cost of allies, or the peoples of the worlds we visit. He is a Shol'va without honour!"

"Interesting! I shall have to take a fuller interest in the politics of that world than I have done in the past."

Thoth jotted some notes into his datapad. "However, as interesting as the politics side is, we must continue… Give me your first response when considering General Hammond…"

"Honourable, staunch, intelligent, diligent, reliable and resourceful. He would make a worthy opponent, and is a trustworthy, intelligent and just leader."

"High compliments, indeed!"

Te'alc inclined his head in agreement.

"Colonel O'Neal…"

"A conundrum. Half-grown. A not always harmonious mixture of prepubescent child and shrewd warrior. He is easily underestimated - as many System Lords have found out to their detriment," Te'alc concluded with a significant look at Thoth.

"Major Carter."

"Female."

Thoth waited for more information before prompting the nervous Jaffa before him; "Surely you have a more detailed analysis available?"

Te'alc looked somewhat uncomfortable at the question. "You required first impressions. Such was mine, regretfully. A Jaffa is taught that female children are to be trained only to defend themselves and their family, not to fight with the true Jaffa warriors against their foes."

"This was hard to accept?"

"It was exceedingly difficult. It was made more so as Major Carter was second to O'Neal in rank, and I was expected to follow her orders – a female child of so few years, leading a Jaffa 'general' with decades of experience!"

"How did you overcome the internal conflict?"

"I observed the interactions of the Major with the men of the Tau'ri, including O'Neal, Daniel Jackson and General Hammond. I found that she was a person of great skill and knowledge, held in high regard by all warriors of the SGC – else they discovered to their detriment that she was a formidable opponent in her own right."

The Jaffa paused. "And she makes a formidable walnut chocolate chip 'cookie' … It remains the _only_ thing she is capable of rendering palatable to humans and higher mammals!"

"Not culinarily inclined?"

"Indeed! She is well suited to being a warrior and a scientist", the Jaffa responded, failing to suppress a visible shudder.

_#_#_#_

"Daniel! Oh, _Daaaannnielll!_ … …"

Footsteps could be heard echoing through the vastness of Daniel's inferno.

"Well, _this_ is … _**not**_ … nice! Adds a whole new dimension to _'living in one's own head',_ don't'cha think? Geez, Daniel! You really have to give your latest decorator the boot! Didn't think you were so into all that _Elmo_ stuff!"

Daniel blinked rapidly as he pulled his awareness back into what currently stood for his world. There was only one person who could mangle the language to such a degree - but how could he possibly be here?

"_Jack?_"

"Daniel."

"Jack!"

"The one and only! How'ya doin', Danny boy?", Jack asked, forcing his way through piles of burning rocks, past greasy cobwebs the size of fishing nets, all the time waving away the smoke and fumes from the open pit fires dotting the mindscape.

"You know you have one _scary _brain in this head of yours Dr. Jackson! I mean, couldn't you come up with somewhere … _I don't know_ … more homely? A few deckchairs, a lake, some fish?" he asked, waving his arm to encompass the cavern.

"Apparently not. I seem to be more than just one sandwich short of a picnic at the moment."

"Well, you _reeeally_ could've picked a better place for the picnic, Danny!"

"I really, _reeeally_ couldn't, Jack! … _What _precisely are you doing here?"

"Well! You don't _write_ … you don't _call … _What's a guy supposed to do?"

"Well, last time I spoke with Seshat, she said she was working on an antidote – in between trying to stop some overly-familiar gould from overly-touching me."

"Yeah, about that…"

"What?"

"They seem to have hit a bit of a … _snag_ …so to speak."

"_And_ …?" Daniel prompted.

"… Ya know, according to Thoth, _we _…" – Jack motioned several times with his finger between the two of them, "are great, great, great, 'something to the hundredth power' cousins … _or something!_ If you go back far enough, that is."

To his surprise, Daniel did not look impressed.

"Well if you go back that far, you and _Te'alc_ are probably cousins!"

Jack blinked.

"_Reeeally!_ Ya don't say!"

Daniel rolled his eyes. "Stop prevaricating! You were going to tell me about this _snag_ …?"

Jack flicked a piece of imaginary fluff off his tac vest.

"_Jack?"_

"Ya know, this reminds me of a song by an old English group … what was their name? …_ Pink Flamingoes… _? - '_Comfortably … something_!' That's it!"

"_Don't_ make me get up from here!"

"Like you can!"

"Waiting … waiting … Clock's tickin' Jack!"

"Yeah, well, ya see Daniel, _'tworkinganymore!_"

"Jack! In English. I'm dying here!"

"And you call yourself a linguist!"

"JACK!"

"Okay, okay." Jack sighed before elaborating. "It _sorta _seems as if the antidote isn't working anymore."

" -"

"Daniel? Still with me? … Daniel?"

"_Thinking,_ Jack!'

"What about, Danny?"

"Ooh, I don't know, how about Life, the Universe and Everything!"

"You sure you've got time for that much thought at this moment?"

"Will I _have_ any other moment if I don't get this solved?"

"Point taken! – Ya know your breathing is starting to sound … I don't know … somewhat wheezy there!"

"Yeah, I know. It's probably the result of …"

"Daniel?"

"That's_ it_, Jack! None of the other poisons Seshat mentioned caused this effect, and I can remember only one, but it fits in with the rest of the symptoms. But if I'm right, we have very little time left. I have very little time left!"

Daniel gasped to regain his breath and turned his head painfully slowly to look at Jack, his eyes conveying much more than he was willing to put into words.

"Jack, I need you to _memorise_ what I say exactly for Seshat. You cannot get the details wrong, or the consequences for me will be quick and premanent."

"Ya sure you trust me with this, Danny? You wouldn't prefer me to get Carter for you?"

"Of course I trust you to do this Jack! I trust you with my life every day! How is this any different?"

"Well, now you're also trusting me with your _words_ – maybe even your final ones - and I gotta say, I'm not much for words under normal circumstances!"

Daniel just looked at him quietly. "Are you ready?"

Taking a very deep breath, Jack replied: "As I'll ever be!"

"Then let's get started!"

_#_#_#_#_#_#_


End file.
